Here’s a piece of advice I wish someone had told me as a brand-new parent: Don’t wait until the kid is older to hit the road. Travel now!
Here’s why: Once your child is older than two, vacations start becoming much more expensive, especially those that involve long flights. But under two, your baby can typically sit on your lap for free (a small number of airlines do charge a nominal fee for a lap baby); hotel rooms aren’t going to try and charge you extra for the “privilege” of cramming three (or four) of you into one room; and you won’t have to pay to get him or her into museums and attractions. Those three categories of expenses can translate to hundreds of extra dollars once your child gets older.
I offer this advice knowing that there are few things that childless adults hate more than sitting near a baby on a plane. And I know that some naysayers will reply, “But babies don’t get anything out of travel. It’s just adding extra hassle to the parents’ lives!”
To the childless, glaring adults: Get over yourselves! We all share this world, and sometimes we have to share an airplane cabin. It’s called “the human condition” — we all come in different shapes, sizes and stages of development. That crying baby may someday be the nurse who wipes away your tears when you’re in a nursing home. Instead of hostility, help out the parents with a few minutes of peek-a-boo. Often it’s the glaring that unsettles the parents, and their energy unnerves the tot, creating a vicious cycle.
And to the parents: Is everything in your life supposed to be all about the baby once your little one is born? That’s what society seems to tell us, but I think a more balanced approach to parenting is healthier. No, your baby won’t get a darn thing out of seeing Japan at the age of 8 months (as mine did) or Brazil at 18 months (as my other daughter did). But if you’re like me, and like most parents, you don’t have anyone you can leave the child with for a week or more. So your wings are clipped unless you choose to travel with the tot.
Plus, I think you’ll find that unusual and wonderful experiences often come out of traveling with babies. In Japan, a country where the locals sometimes deal with foreigners in a formal manner, we were greeted with huge smiles and shouts of “kawaii” (“cute”) wherever we went. In the markets, vendors gave us free treats for the baby; we even got an invitation to dinner from a total stranger! In Italy, waiters offered to play with our toddler so we could eat, and we met wonderful local parents when we stopped for a short time in a playground to give our then-1 1/2 year old a chance to jump around. I could go on and on. Suffice it to say that the minor hassles of traveling with diapers and baby carriers were more than made up for by the lovely people we met and the adventures we had because we had the baby with us.
Finally, though I love traveling with my daughters today (they’re now 10 and 6), my husband and I can’t do all the things we’d like to because we have to take their interests into account. Sometimes our girls lead us to great things, but often I find myself yearning for just another half-hour in the museum while they hop on their third carousel ride. When I was traveling with the baby, the splashing of a fountain or the gentle swaying of my hips was enough to keep her busy as I toured a historic site or gazed at art in a museum. That doesn’t work anymore.
What do you think? Am I out of my mind to suggest that parents travel with their babies? Or does it work as well for your family (both in terms of expenses and fun) as it has for mine? Share your thoughts with other travelers in our comments section.
Very well written piece! I myself kept shooing and cooing to quieten my 1 year old in a looooong flight from SFO to HKG and then on to India! It was tough and the glares were everywhere! I wish I could show this article to them now!
Thanks Ram! Yes, I have spent a lot of time making sure my children don't bother others on planes. But I think it's all worth it once you get to the destination. Best, Pauline
I totally agree with you Pauline. my son just turned two and think that part of the memories of parenting is traveling with him. people really do have to get over themselves. when my son first discovered his walking legs, we promptly booked a 5 hour cross country flight to make sure the in-laws were in on the action. on the plane, my son's only interest was walking up and down the aisles. the airline stewardess was rude enough to say, "did you not train your son well enough to sit in his seat for the duration of the flight?" please honey, did AA not train you well enough on how to treat your customers! you have obviously never had kids.
i love traveling with my baby. the biggest challenge in traveling with kids in my family is convincing my husband that it'll be fun and relaxing. he knows that it's not relaxing and restful, so he'd prefer to stay in the comforts of our home.
Thanks for your lovely note thelees! I'm sorry you had to tangle with the flight attendant, but you're right: hello? Been around toddlers much? Obviously she was clueless.
Best,
Pauline
Thanks for the lovely article
Sheikh pervez
Excellent piece, Pauline! I wholeheartedly agree that traveling with little ones can be an enriching experience. Sure, your pace might be slower and your itinerary tweaked. But as you say, you often encounter a side of locals that you would otherwise never see. Another tip: Set yourself up with the amenities you'll need (think condo or all-suite hotel with a kitchen and hopefully even laundry facilities), to make your stay less stressful.
Business takes me traveling a lot. I'm either in a plane or in a car traveling to the next spot. I've had plenty of bad experiences with kids on plane trips. And then it happened to me...
My wife and I had a trip down to Miami planned almost a year 1/2 in advance. Well about 6 months before our week long stay in Miami we had our Daughter. We had to make a tough choice, fly w/ our 6 month old, leave her at home or don't go on the trip. Well leaving her at home with family just wasn't an option for my wife. Not going would have cost us a good deal of money so we went. The glares we got on the plane as we boarded were horrible. It was very odd though. Several around us did actually help us. From Dallas to Miami trip she only got fussy 2 times. Both times we had people glaring and a few helping us with funny faces and peek-a-boo. The comments of how nice our daughter was on the flight as we got off the plane was welcomed. 20+ people came up to us and commented on how nice the flight was and how cute our daughter was.
I've flown many times since then and each time there is a child on the plane I no longer have that "oh great this is going to be a long flight" attitude. Being a father a few times over since the first trip my daughter I try to help out parent(s)when I can.
Good article. I know we are happy that we traveled when our children were young. Lots easier that is for sure.
You're not out of your mind to suggest that parents travel with their babies. It's fun! Besides, this is a thought and well-written article.
As a former American living overseas - with kids - and a former flight attendant I totally agree. I flew on a 8 hour flight with my son when he was 6 months old and he was perfectly content the entire flight...the people in the row before us didn't even realize he was there until a couple of hours into the flight.
I agree, travel with the child... but I just hate the use of the bad grammar --- "Bringing baby" --- we should set better examples for the children...
Great post Pauline, and as the father of a 15-month old I have to agree with 95% of what you wrote. However, after several long flights we've learned our lesson about buying a separate ticket for our daughter.
The first few flights we tried the lap, and found that it made for a very difficult flight for parents and baby. However, we just got back from a trip to Hawaii in which we got our daughter her own seat, and it was great.
In addition, there are some pretty serious safety concerns about carrying a child in your lap. You wouldn't (and couldn't) do it in a car going 60 mph, so why risk it in a plane going over 100 mph at takeoff? The price of a ticket is a small insurance policy compared to the safety of your child.
Thanks for the child-positive travel ideas!
I'm sorry, but I'm someone who travels a lot and who does not have children. I understand that I have to share the cabin with parents and their kids, but too often I've seen parents allowing children to run amok on a plane, or a baby crying nonstop (four hours is about 3.99 hours too long). I understand cabin pressure can cause discomfort to a small child, but the constant crying is not cabin pressure.
If you travel with a child, please be prepared to provide options for your child so it's not running up the aisle, kicking the back of the seat in front of him, grabbing the hair of the woman in the seat in front of him, or crying constantly.
And while you suggest that I giggle and coo at the baby, what would also be nice is if the parent is respectful of MY right to fly in relative peace and is apologetic if the child is causing an annoyance. If a parent just said he or she was sorry and even attempted to settle the child down, the giggle and coo you expect from me might be more forthcoming.
Please, just remember. Your life may revolve around your child. But mine doesn't.
I totally disagree with Sue's comments.
If you sign up to go on public transport then you're inviting yourself to any number of public intrusions. You could be sitting next to someone who's overweight, who snores very loudly or a ton of other factors out of your control.
In today's selfish society its pretty common for others to only think of themselves and that's why there are so many perceived problems in this world. Patience and understanding are in short supply but using them has always made me much happier for myself and those around me.
Thanks for all the comments and so glad you (mostly) liked the article. I have to say that I'm honored Suzanne Kelleher commented as she's one of the foremost experts on Family Travel (I recommend going to her website WeJustGotBack.com).
As for Sue's comments: I think you're absolutely right about how important it is for parents to come prepared. I always try and bring activities for my kids and when they were younger and did act up, I always apologized to those they might have disturbed. It's just good manners. As for the four hours of crying: I have to wonder if something else was going on there, something not really controllable. I was very lucky in that neither of my daughter's was collicky, but I'm wondering if this baby was. Sometimes in those situations there's very little the parents can do.
Anyway, thanks for all the terrific comments. And let's keep the conversation going!
Pauline-
Excellent article.
Your comment especially about sharing the human condition and the way other cultures react to babies brought to mind an incident -
We flew from NY to Dubai on Emirates airlines - an Arab family was traveling a row ahead of us. The bearded, headdressed, apparently Arab father (dressed head to toe in pure white) walked the aisles of the plane unceasingly all night long with a fussy baby while his wife and other children slept.
As a person who's not had much contact with Arab families and gender roles, this encounter with a father and baby from another culture made me realize how much my assumptions had been shaped by the media.
Here's to babies and traveling! They teach us a lot about our humanity.
-Paula
