Travel experts are capable of writing and saying the most boneheaded things. I’ve pulled together a small collection of examples from travel magazines, Web sites and TV. The list runs the gamut from the weird to the silly to the just plain wrong.
Since I don’t want to be blackballed at the next gathering of travel writers I attend, I’m not going to say who’s given which advice. Rest assured, though, that these are all real published or aired tips. Below each, I provide my take on why the advice is loopy.
1) “Don’t know where to eat, drink or dance? Ask the concierge at your hotel.”
Wrong! I’m not saying that all concierges are bad, though. I’m sure some are fine, just as there must also be a few honest used-car dealers. The problem is, a large percentage of concierges have two streams of income: their hotel salary and the kickbacks they get from struggling restaurants, bars and clubs that aren’t good enough to warrant repeat visits by locals, and therefore must rely on transient visitors. By asking the advice of the concierge, you’re often being directed to the worst venues in town, rather than the best.
2) “When eating at a buffet, skip the items at the front of the line and head to the end. Buffet owners put the cheaper stuff up front so that you fill up your plates there, leaving the more expensive items to the end.”
That’s great advice, if you’re courting a heart attack. Yes, the cheaper items are usually at the front of the line, but they’re also the healthier choices — that’s where the salad fixings tend to be. Instead of worrying whether you’re getting “taken” at the buffet, compose the meal that you’ll most enjoy. That’s the fun of buffets, right? Cornell University researchers once did a study showing that folks who look over all the options at a buffet before loading their plates tend to consume significantly fewer calories than those who don’t. In these fat times, that’s good advice.
3) “Taking a cruise or going to an all-inclusive resort are smart ways to control a budget. You'll know the entire cost of the trip in advance, and major expenses, from food to lodging to activities, are covered in one rate.”
That advice is reasonably true for all-inclusive resorts, but not for cruising. With the cost of tipping, the charges for drinks (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic), extra fees for activities (from classes in the gym to shore excursions) and many other enticements at sea, cruise ships can no longer be considered “all-inclusive” vacations. In fact, Carolyn Spencer Brown, editor of Cruise Critic, estimates that vacationers spend an average of 25 percent of the cost of their cruise once they’re onboard the ship. Those who go to the spa, gamble or like their vino tend to spend even more.
4) “Look into purchasing some Goodnites. These protect kids from accidents (which tend to happen often while traveling) but are more underwear-like. They even fit kids over 125 pounds. Any kids you are traveling with (especially in the car) should wear them, just in case. It can really save clothes and car interiors in heavy traffic. Goodnites can fit kids anywhere from 3 to 16 years old.”
Sorry, but this one just made me giggle. I’d have to pin my six-year-old daughter to the ground and wrestle these diaper-like panties onto her, and the complaints during the trip would be endless. And can you even imagine trying to convince a teenager to wear them?
5) “For sales on cruise mementos, pick the last sailing in a particular region. We like to buy shipboard souvenirs, so we try to choose a ship that's completing its run of an area — that's when merchandise is generally put on sale. Last year, for example, on a sailing in South America, all of the T-shirts, glassware and rain jackets were 75 percent off.”
That’s right: Don’t choose the cruise based on price, itinerary, amenities or dates. You want to pick the one where the branded mugs are going to be marked down.
6) “When traveling alone, ask the person beside you if you can have the aisle seat. This means that you won't have to bother him or her if you have to get out of your seat. I would rather be bothered than to bother another.”
What can you say about this one? My guess: This tipster ain’t a popular seat companion.
Have you heard any whoppers recently? Share your tales with other travelers in the comments section.
Ummm...if you stop the car every once in a while, your teenager can actually use the bathroom instead of being forced into Goodnights!
These are hilarious...and scary that they were published!
I have one:
Wear business attire when traveling because if your dressed sharp you'll be more likely to get bumped to 1st class if the flight is over booked.
This sounds like its true but there is no mystery to who get 1st class in the event of an overbooked coach class. Mileage club members get bumped and its great. So the real advice is airline loyalty pays off with not just award travel but surprising upgrades too.
SO true Pauline! Sometimes I just cringe when I see some of the stupid "tips" offered up by people who brand themselves as experts - gaaah! I had a good laugh at this :)
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One reason to avoid..."experts" in *anything*.
#6 is hilarious, but it also doesn't even make sense on its own terms. If you're traveling alone and in a middle seat, doesn't that mean whoever's on the aisle is ALSO traveling alone? lol
thanks a lot
<a href="http://www.etiketvebarkod.com" title="barkod">barkod</a>
Thanks for the tips Pauline. :) I'm traveling to Tashkent next month with my wife, the travel tips you provided are great!
Alex. SEO and Webmaster http://www.gamblingin.co.uk
Great idea for a post, Pauline! I'm happy that none of the tips we've dispensed out this year are on the list. And who would ever give up the aisle seat??
Chris Gray Faust
www.caroundtheworld.com
Great stuff Pauline! Thanks for the great tips. Taking my Goodnites off as I shop for my turkey ....living on the edge!! ;)
Happy Thanksgiving to my favorite best travel writer!
I agree with the conceirge comment. I visited Hilton Head last June and asked the conceirge for recommendations for restuarants to get my favorite shore meal, soft shell crabs. We were told that they were out of season and that only one restuarant in the area had it. Turned out to be one of those very touristy, very drink oriented, very high end places where the fried softshell wasn't even available (just sauteed). When we left, we used the GPS and found several seafood restuarants on our way out of Hilton Head and wholla ..... a local restuarant, in a shopping center, which had gotten awards, with both softshells, raw osysters and family prices. It was actually closer to our hotel than the recommended restuarant. We'll be optimistic and assume that the conceirge at our resort hotel simply didn't know.
LOVED this! Laughed out loud about the cruise tips and goodnights. Thanks!
While I got a good laugh out of this well-written column, there is a flaw at the core.
I'm sorry to say this, but I haven't gotten any useful general advice from a travel article in 20 years. And I have written travel articles, which also were no doubt not useful at all.
Here's the problem: travel editors assume that anyone reading a general-advice travel article is an idiot. So you rarely see articles that assume you already know how to book a ticket, pack a carry-on, etc.
Maybe the editors have a point. When I want to go to New Zealand, I buy a ticket. I buy a guidebook and plan where I want to go. I don't worry about "all-inclusive rates" to control my expenses, nor would I go to Perth instead because it's cheaper if I really want to visit Queenstown. And I never stay at the hotels travel writers recommend because they're always too expensive (usually the writer stayed free).
I travel a lot -- 5 international trips this year, with New Zealand next week. I'm not wealthy, nor am I a genius. I just take the cheapest acceptable flight, stay in the cheapest acceptable hotel, and splurge on local restaurants which I try to locate by asking locals. There -- that's more useful advice in one sentence than you'll get in most travel articles, but most people are too nervous about foreign hotels to follow it.
I learn advice about travel all the time, but from other travelers, not general-advice travel articles. They're all worthless; you've just highlighted some of the funnier ones.
Thanks for all your comments.
It's fascinating how something you write takes on a life of its own in a blog.
Frankly, I didn't mean this to be a condemnation of travel experts. In truth, I think that travel journalists who do their jobs diligently and thoughtfully have a lot of great advice to offer travelers (which may be why I didn't find any bad stuff to quote from USA Today, Chris :))
And Blake, I think the idea that all travel writers can't be trusted because they're "accepting free stays" is malarky. In fact, most of the major travel publications--both magazines and guidebooks--don't ALLOW their authors to accept freebies. And unlike the travelers you've been getting your advice from, we research hotels (and other aspects of travel) in a systematic way, so that we can find you the best cheap sleeps. So we can tell you that while Hotel X is well-priced and comfy, hotel Y, just a block away charges half as much for twice the amenities (something that your average traveler, who isn't researching as they travel, would have no way of knowing.)
I think you've been looking to the wrong sources. Please, take a look at the Pauline Frommer Guidebooks, at Lonely Planet, at the Rough Guides--all are dedicated to finding the best available budget restaurants, hotels,etc. and I can tell you as the editor of the first series that we do our darndest to leave no stone unturned in our research. I think dismissing all journalists out of hand is a bit silly. The truth is, most of us work darn hard to do our jobs well (heck: Nixon would have served out his full term if it weren't for two intrepid journalists).
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