As cold and flu season arrives, Anna Rosenblum Palmer ponders the cause of and cure for that nasty “man-cold.”
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About four times a year I watch this YouTube video called “The Man Cold!.”
In it, a suffering husband calls for paramedics when his wife — who is also sick — won’t respond to his pleading whimpers for aide.
When the ambulance arrives, the baffled wife asks, “Hasn’t he just got a cold?”
To which the EMT replies, “For god’s sake, Woman — he’s a man! He’s got a man cold! Take this bell, and when he rings it, come to him and rub his head and say ‘Poor little bunny.’”
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In 2013 , P.C. Anavase wrote the following about archetypes of the stoic man for Masculinity Summit:
“The Stoic school of philosophy, introduced in Athens in the 3rd century BCE, proposed that emotions should be avoided in favor of the intellect—to be guided not by passions but calm, reasoned logic. The adjective “stoic” or “stoical” has come to refer to any person who shows no emotion. It’s a trait that has recurred in male characters as a recognizable archetype of masculinity. It’s also helped to send a message, to boys and men, that they should be able to endure pain without showing it and never betray their feelings”
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For 48 weeks of the year my husband follows this prescription. That all changes when he gets sick.
There is only one place where he can deal with a man-cold: in bed.
He takes to the bed at the first sign of a sniffle. His bedside table is littered with tissues and tea. For the next few days, he lets out gentle moans and is barely able to take the few steps necessary to get to his toothbrush. These are tough times. For four weeks each year his cold allows him to accept coddling and cuddling. Except for his tossing and turning he stays still.
I believe it is a result of our chronically sleep-deprived society that you can walk the aisle of an airplane and find half of the passengers asleep. Adults should not need to nap during the day, even with the white noise and boredom of a flight. My husband’s crippling cold is a parallel to this plane sleeping.
On a typical day my husband makes it his practice to push aside self-pity, which often results in pushing aside self-care. The cold forces his hand. He becomes sad, slowed, and selfish in a way he never is the rest of the year. He restlessly rests, whines woefully, and lets all of his tasks slide.
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The cause of the “man-cold” women are all too quick to disparage might well be men’s perceived need to practice daily stoicism.
If so, I suggest that its cure might be a generous heaping of acceptance and caring.
That and a bell on the bedside table.
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Photo credit: Flickr/8RpdpQ