5 awesomely bad Christmas flicks to dig out of storage

With Thanksgiving officially over, the time has come for all creativity to be put on hold as the umpteenth version of “A Christmas Carol” starts playing on repeat on every cable channel thinkable.

There’s just no way of avoiding the onslaught of Christmas movies, so I always like to find a way to work with the flow of holiday flicks, instead of against it.

Last year I suggested a few yuletide movies you might want to watch instead of the tired old rep of the same four films you see year after year. This year I’m going to suggest a new type of Christmas movie marathon.

It’s time to watch the “So bad, they’re good” collection.

These are the movies that are so horrible you can’t help but watch them all the way through. They’re hilarious for all the wrong reasons, they exploit every cliché they possibly can, and they leave you with a sense of superiority when the credits roll.

So empty that coal out of your stockings, dust off the VCR, and plug in some of the worst/best movies of the season.

5. ‘Ernest Saves Christmas’ (1988)

To Jim Varney’s credit, any of his “Ernest” movies could end up on any “so bad they’re good” list for almost any season. But "Ernest Saves Christmas" is a special kind of wonderful because it really tries to tie in a nice Christmasy message into the absurdity of shipping reindeer via mail and a runaway kid trying to cash in on Santa's bag of toys.

Best worst moment: Ernest takes the reins — literally — of Santa's sleigh and puts it in warp drive, a la "Star Wars," to get to Santa in time for him to bring presents to the children. Instead he ends up circling the globe like Superman. With the sleigh and reindeer out of control against bad blue screen technology, it looks like he just might crash land. But at the last moment, Ernest, the sleigh and the reindeer come to a halt just before impact. Ernest turns to the camera and says, "Air brakes."

4: ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ (1973)

I'd like to think someone in the early '70s woke up one morning and thought: "I think this world needs a 'Miracle on 34th Street' where the audience actively roots for the little girl to get her dreams broken." This made-for-TV remake of the original we all know and love (which, by the way, was remade for TV in the 50s, as well) is a bacchanal of deliciously tacky outfits, tremendously inane dialogue and music that even Rankin-Bass would think is cheesy.

Best worst moment: Macy's, in a very progressive move, pays for a psychiatrist to analyze Santa Claus. The psychiatrist, played in the way only Roddy McDowall can, psychoanalyzes Kris Kringle at various points throughout the movie. At one point, during a nice Christmas meal, the doctor goes a little too far. Instead of having Santa threaten him with his cane, like he did in the much more famous version of the film, Santa throws a pie in the doctor's face.

Classic Santa.

3: ‘Black Christmas’ (2006)

In a very, very colorful remake of the 1974 horror of the same name, "Black Christmas" takes your general, run-of-the-mill maniac movie and sets it against a Christmas saturated with kitsch. Watch as sorority girls get picked off one by one in creative, festive ways by a serial killer bent on revenge. Sure, it's a hackneyed story, but it's covered in tinsel!

Best worst moment: In what is possibly the best and grossest spin on your classic gingerbread men, the killer in "Black Christmas" comically murders a family (complete with cartoonish pulverizing noises) and then proceeds to use cookie cutters to slice holiday shapes out of their skin. He bakes his treats, all while melodious, jingly-bell music plays.

 2: 'The Nutcracker in 3D' (Or 'The Nutcracker: The Untold Story') (2010)

For all intents and purposes, this should be an awesome movie. A steampunk re-imagining of "The Nutcracker"? Yes, please! This dark, gear-grinding, semi-musical has some real talent (Elle Fanning, Nathan Lane and John Turturro, for example). The music of "The Nutcracker" even has new lyrics by Tim Rice. But the characters are wonderfully disconnected from each other, as if each person did his or her respective lines alone and then was digitally added later, and the plot and dialogue are just silly — even by "Nutcracker" standards.

Best worst moment: The Rat King, surrounded by what can only be described as Rat Nazis, sings a fun song about being the Rat King doing Rat King things. There's rat tap dancing, rat saxophone and a rat chorus line. And it culminates with the electrocution of a CGI shark.

1: 'Santa Claus' (1959) 

I only recently discovered this gem. One thing you'll find in Christmas movies is the tendency to separate religion from Santa. But "Santa Claus," a Mexican movie that can be watched complete with English dubbing on YouTube, pits Santa against Satan in what I can only assume was someone's need to have two characters whose names are just anagrams of each other. That's right. Santa vs. Satan. In the 50s.

It's like Ed Wood went to Mexico to make a Christmas movie.

Best worst moment: OK, there are way too many to choose from here. But there is one scene when a demon visits people during the night and causes them to have nightmares. He also dials telephones and makes the people say things like "Fire!" and "Murderer!" It's obscenely campy and I want it under my Christmas tree.

Do you have any ridiculously bad movies that are worth watching? Share them with me! Follow me on Facebook at Facebook.com/MatthewJacobsonGeek, or on Instagram and Twitter @MatthewJGeek. Email me at MJacobson@TheSpectrum.Com.