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Glamour’s 13 ways to ‘lock down’ a man — and alienate readers

In a rare misstep, Glamour magazine ran a recent article suggesting 13 ways to make a man fall for you that was so retrograde and universally offensive, editors posted a clarification Monday afternoon saying, in effect, “We take it all back.”

Known for leading, or at least joining, the charge for progressive women’s rights, Glamour hosts an annual Women of the Year awards ceremony and regularly squeezes in tips on asking for a raise, getting out the vote and effecting social change onto its pages. Amy Schumer is on this month’s cover.

So the article raised eyebrows. And ire.

By Tuesday morning, Glamour had removed the original list altogether, but it can still be found embedded in outraged tweets and tongue-in-cheek parodies. (This Daily Mail article includes a snapshot of all 13 tips.)

“If you’re wondering about what would make a guy swoon — as in, romantic little gestures that would make him fall even more in love with you,” said the lead, “take a look at these 13 ideas that are all but guaranteed to lock him down.”

(My husband, upon hearing the list, reminded me that lockdown means, “The confining of prisoners to their cells, typically after an escape. Or, to regain control during a riot.”)

Anyway, the list featured such gems as:

“Bring him back to his fraternity days by handing him a cold one as he steps out of the shower.”

“Letting him solve your petty work problem.”

“Sitting side-by-side while he vegs out to the TV.”

And, my personal favorite, “Making a big deal out of his favorite meal. Does he like hot dogs cut up into his boxed mac-and-cheese? Serve it on a silver platter to really see him smile.”

As Vice writer Joel Golby pointed out in a hilarious response to the list, “This article is insulting to just about everyone on Earth.”

(Fair warning: Golby’s article contains language not suitable for work.)

“It reduces men to big dumb dogs who somehow figured out how to wear baseball caps backwards,” he wrote. “But more importantly it reduces women to creatures who are desperate to live forever alongside such grimly simple beasts.”

(Golby also noted, “If your man’s favorite food is ‘mac and cheese with hot dogs cut up in it’ then please check you didn’t accidentally pick up someone’s toddler from a nursery school before you get that silver platter out of the attic and wash it twice for dust.”)

Glamour says it heard — and mostly agreed with — the reader complaints, angry tweets and spoofs.

“Finding real, satisfying romance in 2015 essentially comes down to one thing: showing someone who you are, celebrating who he or she is, and respecting each other. We understand that the list read like a 1950s marriage handbook — and nobody wants to go back there,” contributor Megan Angelo wrote in Monday’s clarification. “That being said, we’ll always be here to help you decode dating. So let’s be clear: You’re welcome to make a grilled cheese for anyone you love, but you shouldn’t be whipping one up in an effort to lock the all-important ‘him’ down. (That’s just a waste of Gruyere.) What we want for you is love based on equality, not indentured servitude with date night. We’re sorry for slipping off message.”

Apology accepted. But please, for the love of Amy Schumer, don’t let it happen again. (And maybe drop the prison language going forward.)

hstevens@tribpub.com

Twitter @heidistevens13