Just in time for the 2016 presidential election, Mattel has released the much anticipated Democrat Barbie and Republican Ken dolls. In an attempt to boost second quarter sales, Mattel presents the new dolls so children of all political persuasions can find a like-minded Barbie or Ken to play with.
Democrat Barbie sports a boxy pantsuit and carries a basket of deplorables, as well as many phones, Blackberries and a hammer. Optional accessories include her own server and some bleach, as well as a book about how it takes a village to keep some husbands from straying. Also available on the Mattel website is the video that caused the entire Benghazi ruckus, in DVD and Blu-ray.
Available soon online for Democrat Barbie is a 900-page self-help book entitled "Lie Like a Pro!" and a 2-page book entitled "How to Get People to Like You and Trust You," both of which come with a complimentary Crooked Barbie bookmark.
Republican Ken sports a "You're Fired!" t-shirt and the trademark "Make America Great Again" hat, both made in China. His face radiates a cheery orange glow and his trademark yellow hair is swept to the side and affixed with an invisible force field or possibly just glue.
Accessories that come with Republican Ken include a tall plastic wall emblazoned with the words "Paid for by Mexico" and a teleprompter that he enjoys ignoring. The Ken jet will be filled with celebrities and members of the media so that Ken can practice his signature insults before sexually harassing the pretty ones, as long as they aren't fat or old or Latina or handicapped.
Assorted items that can be purchased separately include Republican Ken's Big Book of Insults, full of off-the-cuff zingers about the size and attractiveness of various body parts. Included is an appendix of one-liners to hurl at anyone who is ugly or is a woman or an immigrant or a minority or a Muslim or is handicapped. Ken's Big Book of Insults is available on CD. Volume 2 is set to be released for the holidays!
Democrat Barbie and Republican Ken will both be packaged with a 4-year calendar and a pen for marking off the days until the next election.
Photo courtesy of the author.