1. You both always reply "interested" to Facebook invites. "Interested" universally translates to "fuck no," right?
2. You're running out of Netflix series. And are considering paying for one via iTunes/On Demand/Red Box. You might have to talk yourself into the splurge, but you only live once, right? Treat yourself!
3. You bought Hulu Plus. You're not trying to not watch all the television programs together, ya dig? You guys have big life goals and commercials are not standing in your way of living your best lives.
4. You can both be ready to go out, and then one of you sits on the couch and it's all over. I mean, how can your boyfriend get back up? He just sat down. That's physics, people. Can't argue with it.
5. You talk each other into missing big life events. "I know, babe, your sister only gets married once, but let's be real, she'll probably get married, like, five more times and if I miss the finale of The Americans, I will probably actually die."
6. You justify everything by saying you're saving money. Staying in with leftovers and Costco value pack beer is much cheaper than going to whatever trendy shit hole the normals are at. (Of course, you're probably gonna order some fancy-ass pizza with 40 toppings and rent a new movie on iTunes, but whatever! It's the thought that counts!)
7. You're secretly happy when your partner is a little sick. You have a get-out-of-jail-free card for all invites for the week. Bring it on, mild head cold and minor aches and pains!
8.You cover each other's lies. He has to go to his sister's community theater production of Rent and you have to cook dinner for the homeless and that's why you both didn't go to that party, right? It wasn't so you could stay home and binge Better Call Saul. NEVER THAT!
9. You try to hype each other into going out but only succeed in making staying in sound better. "Get your ass up! We're going to Suzanne's birthday party! There will be people there! And no Netflix! Man, I'll miss Netflix! What's on Netflix? Scoot over."
10. Yay, you made it to that party! Now you can sit in the corner and only talk to each other.
11. Multiple Postmates/Seamless drivers are familiar with your PJs. Sure, Frederick might think you live in children's XL flannel pajamas covered in Winnie the Pooh winking mischievously, but Frederick doesn't judge you! Or, if he does, it's not to your face so who cares.
12. Ordering a shit-ton of food so you can cover multiple meals during a TV binge. Listen, PF Chang's can include as many chopsticks as they want; we all know that only two people will be eating this fancy feast.
13. If one member of the couple makes plans, the other one just spends the evening staring at a wall. JK, they spend it watching that one Netflix show the other one hates. Cake Boss, here I come!
14. But when your couch potato mate gets home, you're stoked. BEST BUDDIES! Let's never leave each other again! Codependency will only make us stronger/mean we'll be found dead two weeks later via the smell, our bodies merged into one pile of flesh covered in pizza grease and beer stains!
15. A double date means you get two dinners. Like you're going out with another couple, lololol, pass the second plate of rigatoni, please!
16. You basically speak your own language. You know a certain point and grunt means "hand me the remote control and a mozzarella stick, please and thank you, I LOVE YOU, BB!"
17. Free farting. Since you barely see anyone else, you're both accustomed to each other's ... er, personal aroma?
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