Even during the darkest, dullest Keeping Up With the Kardashians episodes, there's always a glimmer of hope in the back of my mind: Soon, the Kardashians will have to go on vacation. It's only a slight exaggeration to say I look forward to Kardashian vacations just as eagerly as I look forward to my own, and while that might sound a tiny bit lame (OK, fine, more than a "tiny" bit), think of all the good Kardashian vacations have brought into our lives. Brody and Kris fighting on a Greek yacht! Kris Humphries tearing shit up in Bora Bora! The Dominican Republic music video! Scott stuffing money in a Vegas waiter's mouth! And while this particular Kardashian vacation wasn't quite the same — to begin with, no Kourtney and no Rob — it still offered plenty of drama (real and manufactured), winners, and losers. Let's get to it.

Winner: Kim

"This is Kim's dream. She's obsessed with taking pictures. Totally normal."

Look, under normal circumstances, Kim's behavior would lead me to declare her the loser of the week, but at this point, she's elevated being the center of attention into such an art form, I'm not even mad about it. It's a talent. And it's an incredibly marketable skill. It's not her wedding day, or her birthday, or the day her child is born, but that doesn't matter. When you're Kim Kardashian, every day is your special day.

Still, the premise of helping Kanye feel included in the vacation he's missing by making him a "selfie book" (Is this a thing?) is a tiny bit flimsy, and it gets ridiculous once it requires her to purchase a camera most frequently used by nature photographers and a series of external lights. Is it still a selfie if you use equipment other than a smartphone? Is it still a selfie if someone else takes it? These are some of the many philosophical questions Kim challenges us to ponder.

Seriously, though, I think the whole endeavor would've been way more tolerable had Kim not said the word "selfie" repeatedly and had she not brought an assistant on the trip solely to take pictures of her. Do you, Kim, but next time maybe just buy Kanye a snow globe.

Stray Observation: What do we think it's like to be Kylie Jenner? When she announced on the plane, "I'm giving everyone a warning. I will have an anxiety attack and not go if Khloé doesn't go," it felt like a real insight into who she really is. Troubling!

Hey, Where's Kanye? In Germany and not coming to Thailand. He's also, "like, over the moon" about the Vogue cover, and excited that he and Kim create controversy as a couple no matter what they do or where they go. Plus, he's about to be the proud and possibly bewildered owner of a very special selfie book, so …

Loser: The Sport of Zip-Lining

Sorry, every zip-lining company in the world, but you just had Kim Kardashian standing in a tree, announcing that it's irresponsible for anyone with a child to take on the risk of going zip-lining. That's going to be hard to bounce back from.

Look, I get becoming newly paranoid and protective when you've just had your first child. But I also know a killjoy when I see one, and up in the treetops, Kim and Kris were both in their finest "Let's ruin this for everyone!" form. I know everyone vacations differently, and I know I'd chafe at a laminated copy of a Bruce Jenner-penned itinerary if it were slipped under my hotel room door first thing in the morning. But all Bruce wants is to inject a little adventure into days and days of relaxation, and once again, he's getting shut down, and I really feel for him. Please, please, please, let Bruce get what he wants.

Real Talk: It was honestly a relief to finally hear Khloé acknowledge that her divorce was a major blow to Rob too, and that what's going on with him is bigger than weight and health problems. But seeing the way the rest of the Kardashians respond to her concerns is really upsetting. "You guys, he has, like, deep issues," Khloé points out; Kim immediately says that they baby him too much. I would've stayed home too, Rob.

"Hey, Reality TV Is Fake" Moment: The "voting" process for choosing the Kardashian vacation spot. Half the family was missing, everyone's secret ballot handwriting looked the same, and it's not like the entire vacation hadn't already been planned and focus grouped and vetted by the Thai tourism board for months.

"But This Part Seems Realistic, Actually": Everyone's response to Kim's Vogue cover. Kendall's immediate response of "Vogue, WHAT?" followed by her sullenly texting in the background was painfully realistic, as was Kourtney and Khloé's total indifference. Khloé saying, "Hey, remember when Kim was in K9 Magazine?" was gold. Kim's refusal to acknowledge that her life is purely bonkers, even in the face of Kourtney and Khloé's gleeful mocking, remains one of the things that makes KUWTK worth watching.

Words to Live By: "Get over it. We're just ziplining!" – Bruce Jenner, offering up words of wisdom for the jungle and also for the jungle of life.

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