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Black men are romantic — Tony Holland’s wife

tony-akinyemi-and-wife

Tony Akinyemi and wife

Nollywood director, Tony Akinyemi, popularly called Tony Holland and his wife, Maaike, share the story of their 22-year-old marriage with MOTUNRAYO JOEL

How did you meet your wife?

Tony: I met her at an outing in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. As a lady, she first played “hard to get” but after my third attempt of asking her to dance with me, she agreed and the rest, as they say, is now history.

Would you describe your relationship as love at first sight?

Maaike: Based on the circumstances of how we met, coupled with his boldness and persistence, I knew right away that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Till date, I am glad he is my husband. I could not have asked for a better man. He is everything I wanted in a man.

What exactly attracted you to her?

Tony: Honestly, she was the most beautiful lady around that night. This was confirmed by all my friends around that night; you know how we men talk (smiles). And the way she smiled that night melted my heart; it still does till today. My wife has a charming smile.

Were you single and searching at the time?

Maaike: I was single but not really searching at the time.

At the initial stage of your relationship, were you comfortable dating him since he is a black man?

Maaike: Yes of course. I never had any problem with foreigners; my mother once told me that when I was young, I always preferred coloured dolls to the “normal ones.”

How did the relationship progress?

Maaike: We started dating and seeing each other only during weekends because of our work and the distance between our respective homes was about 70 kilometres. But as time progressed, we could not do without seeing each other. I became so fond of him. When I could not stand it any longer, I quit my job and got another job close to his city. The thought of seeing him often made be happy.

At what point did you realise you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her?

Tony: Surprisingly, it was on the third day after I met her that I knew she was the one for me. Back then, I had this so-called personal “10 commandments” that I had prayed about. I told myself that anyone I would spend the rest of my life with must meet up all the 10 commandments. During our first conversation on a landline telephone (back then there were no mobile phones), unknowingly to her, she met seven out of my 10 commandments. That surprised me and 22 years later, my God-given commandments have not failed me. We are still very much happy together. Every day I bless God for bringing her into my life; I could not have asked for a better wife.

How did he propose to you?

Maaike: It happened during our first holiday together on one of the Islands in Greece. He secretly planned it to perfection and it was one of the most beautiful moments of my existence. That day remains fresh in my memory.

Did you accept his proposal immediately?

Maaike: Yes of course, we had dated for about four years. I knew already that sooner or later he would pop the question. The only problem was that I did not know when.

Did her family welcome you with open arms the first time you met them?

Tony: At the initial stage, they did not really welcome me with open arms, because she is the last child of the family and the first child who brought home a foreigner. Hence, I knew I had to work hard to prove that I am a worthy ambassador of the African race. Years later, I remain the best friend of my father-in-law. That thought gladdens my heart.

What is the most memorable moment of your union?

Tony: They are many but the day we got married and the days our two boys were born stands out from the other beautiful occasions.

Maaike: The days our children were born. Each experience was emotional for me.

How do you handle the attention that comes with the inter-racial marriage?

Tony: It is very simple. One has to believe in oneself and the union that God has ordained and neglect other people’s opinion.

Maaike: Everyone has his or her own opinions, but to be candid, I really do not care what people think.

Were there times you felt overwhelmed with stares?

Maaike: Yes, a lot of times, especially at the initial stage of our relationship. Inter-racial marriage was not so common back then. But after a while, we got used to stares and people got used to us. Thank God it is a normal thing in Holland nowadays.

Who is the first to apologise after a quarrel?

Tony: I hate to say sorry but I am always careful in dealing with people. Same applies to my relationship with my wife. She is the one that apologises because for us to quarrel, (which hardly happens) she knows that she has gone too far.

Maaike: Most times, I am the first to apologise. But we hardly quarrel because my husband has a great deal of patience no matter how much one pushes him.

How do you handle attention from the opposite sex?

Tony: The best way is to see a compliment as what it is and know how to politely checkmate someone when a compliment is turning into something else.

How do you handle disagreements?

Tony: I just give my opinion and listen to hers. If I know I am right, I won’t argue with her. But if I know she is right, I will accept her opinion immediately because I see arguments as time wasters.

Maaike: Among couples, there is bound to be a disagreement, one should handle it the best way one can. I am not good at it and my husband knew it as my weakness. He never waited for me to accept his opinion rather he would explain and back off. Later on, he would see me doing what he suggested but he would not talk about it anymore.

Do you have joint accounts?

Tony: Yes, we do.

What would you like to change about your spouse?

Husband: Nothing at all, she is exactly what I prayed for. If I have to change anything then I would be fighting against the commandments that have worked for me in more than 22 years.

Maaike: I share the same thought. I cannot think of anything I would want to change about him.

Some married men do not wear wedding bands. Do you wear yours especially to show ladies that you are married?

Tony: Yes, I do. I did not enter into the marriage by force; it was a conscious decision. I am proud to wear my wedding band. I have never taken it off.

Who is the bathroom singer between the two of you?

Maaike: He is definitely the one.

Any plans to relocate to Nigeria?

Maaike: Yes that is our plan; we are currently working on owning a home in Nigeria.

You must have dated a white man. What can you say about the way a black man treats his woman and the way a white man treats his?

Wife: The difference is not much, only that black men are more fun to be with. They are always positive in any circumstances. No matter what the situation is, black people always believe in the fact that tomorrow will bring a better day and that has inspired me to have another perspective on life. To round it off, they are very romantic.

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