What office romance used to be like before #MeToo and Tinder ruined it — and why it’s still the best way to find love
LOCKING eyes over the water cooler, sneaking off for lusty lunches and sending X-rated emails – I LOVE an office romance.
And I’m not the only one. For decades, many people found their perfect partner at work.
But now workplace wooing is on the slide — with only one in ten lovers meeting this way.
According to a new study, the rise of dating apps such as Tinder and anxiety about #MeToo accusations are behind the sharp decline in relationships between colleagues.
The research revealed co-worker hook-ups were thriving in the 1980s and 1990s and reached their peak in 1995, with 19 per cent of couples reporting to have met “through or as co-workers”.
Fast forward 22 years and that frisky figure had slumped to 11 per cent. What’s more, the number of people meeting online in the same period was up from two per cent to a whopping 39 per cent.
The study was based on a sample of heterosexual Americans and was carried out by Stanford University, California, but British researchers say trends are similar here — with fears of being dubbed “creepy” in the #MeToo era suggested as a reason behind the decline.
As a seasoned office romancer, I fear lovebirds are missing out on a vital part of the dating scene by avoiding office hook-ups.
You spend a large amount of your time at work and see the same people every day. This allows you to collect comprehensive data on your office crush.
Sure, looking up a colleague’s number in the employee directory or spamming them with unwanted sexual advances would be a case for HR, but there’s nothing wrong with a bit of funny business at work.
‘HE PULLED ME INTO THE LOO AND WE SNOGGED’
In fact, most office romances I’ve had were completely harmless and fun — and much safer than meeting strangers through online dating. Trust me, I’ve been there.
One of my strongest — and longest — relationships started out as an office fling. I was 20 at the time and was working as an admin assistant at a recruitment consultancy firm.
On my first day, my eyes met those of a handsome male as I sat down at my new desk.
“Hello,” he mouthed silently, before flashing me a cheeky smile.
'Met going for a job'
ADMIN WORKER Carina Dyer and David Sowden, 30, a complaints manager, from Bristol, fell in love at work. The pair have been together for two years and have a seven-month-old boy together.
Carina, 32, says: “After being on Tinder for two years and not having any luck I’d almost given up hope on finding anyone special. Dave and I were on separate teams at a bank and got chatting when we went for the same job at work.
“Shortly after, he asked me out on a date but I turned him down as I thought an office romance was a bad idea.
“Weeks later we were both off work and met up as pals. It soon became romantic and as we knew we’d face each other daily at work, it made us take it seriously. I now love that we are never apart.”
Later that morning he came over and introduced himself as Steve, a recruitment consultant and the firm’s “top biller”.
“I have a 100 per cent performance rate,” he winked. “I never disappoint.”
I was instantly attracted to his charm and it wasn’t long before flirty emails were flying between us and things got taken to a new level.
One time, my boss came over to speak about some files which had gone missing when a saucy message from Steve popped up on my screen: “I was thinking about you naked during that entire conference call.”
Concerned, my boss ushered me into his office and demanded a full disclosure of our blossoming relationship.
“I don’t have a problem with relationships in the workplace per se,” he told me, taking off his glasses. “After all, that’s how I met my wife. But I do have a problem if they impact on the business.”
I came clean and told him the truth.
In truth, Steve and I had meant to tell all of our co-workers about our relationship, but were just waiting for the right time.
'Instant spark'
LESTER ADAMS and his wife Sue, 50, met at work in 1992.
The pair married in 1995 – at the height of office romances. They live in St Albans, Herts, and have two children Maddie, 23, and Ross, 18.
Lester, 53, says: “We first locked eyes on one another at local country house Brocket Hall.
“I was working as a butler and Sue, who was head housekeeper, was greeting guests. There was an instant spark between us.
“Over the following months we grew closer and had some deep, long chats.
“We quickly realised how much we meant to each other and our fate was sealed.
“We married in 1995, had our daughter the following year and our son in 2000. We still work together every day and couldn’t be happier.”
Office romances can be amazing, but they can also go horribly wrong if you don’t set clear boundaries from the beginning.
A year earlier, another office romance with a man called Simon had come crashing down in spectacular fashion.
He was four years older than me and was a senior pet claims handler at an insurance firm. As a trainee, he soon became my mentor — in more ways than one.
One month into the role, I found a note on my desk from him. It read: “Meet me on floor five, near the disabled loo x.”
My heart started to pound with excitement, Simon wanted me.
While I appreciate this may not sound like a romantic offer, everyone at work knew what the big bogs on floor five meant — hooking up.
As promised, Simon was waiting for me. He pulled me into the toilets and we spent the next half an hour snogging and getting hot under the collar. After that, we were always sneaking off for long, boozy lunches, saucy toilet breaks and naughty water-cooler moments.
But our romance didn’t go unnoticed. Simon — who was their star pet claim handler — was struggling at work. His productivity had slumped and we were swiftly separated. After that, he told me we needed to be more professional at work so “better to keep it quiet”.
'The best sex ever'
PROJECT MANAGER Nick Watson, from Shoreditch, East London, says he’s had the “best sex of his life” with co-workers.
The 32-year-old says: “You often spend more time with work colleagues than anyone else. You see huge stresses and adulation when a project goes well.
“As a result of this roller coaster of emotions, at after-work drinks things happen.
“I’ve dated two colleagues long-term over the years and had several flings, too. I’ve had some of the best sex of my life with work mates.
“The arrival of #MeToo means we are more aware of our behaviour in the workplace and I wonder if some of the relationships that I’ve had with co-workers in the past would have happened today.
“But you should know what is and isn’t inappropriate.”
We stopped any romance between nine and five and no one knew about our budding relationship.
One evening I went out for a few drinks and my colleague Tracey confessed she was having a steamy affair with Simon. “We’re always sneaking off to floor five,” she giggled, knocking back the white wine. I felt physically sick.
Turns out, he had also told her to “keep it quiet” because he would lose his job if anyone found out.
Furious, we both confronted him and work life was awkward as hell until he handed in his notice.
‘THE FEAR OF BEING DEEMED A SEX PEST’
While it was devastating at the time, it taught me a valuable lesson about office romances. If you want a serious relationship with someone, don’t keep it a secret.
And I vowed not to make the same mistake with Steve — or any future work lovers. We had an open relationship in the office and enjoyed two glorious years together before we split up when I went to university.
I went on to have several success flings/relationships with co-workers.
Some were just mutual “friends with benefits” arrangements and others developed into something more special.
Back in my early-to-mid 20s, it was common to drunkenly lunge at someone at a Christmas do or get it on over Friday night beers.
On Monday morning, it could lead to red faces in the office but that was it. Now, in today’s #MeToo era, you could be hauled in front of HR for “inappropriate behaviour”.
The fear of being deemed a sex pest is stopping people from making the first move. It’s a huge shame as it’s killing one of the most natural ways to meet someone. To me, meeting strangers from dating apps is certainly not safer.
When I was single, I had several bad experiences with guys I’d met off Tinder who tried to touch me up before I’d even had a sip of my first Chardonnay. One guy even followed me home when I told him I wasn’t interested.
So it’s laughable that dating apps are being lauded as the “woke” method of hooking up.
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What’s more, if someone does behave inappropriately at work, they can be held to account by HR and disciplined, but most of us wouldn’t report a bad date to the police.
Today, I’m in a happy relationship with Ben — who is my age and also a journalist.
And guess what? We met through work.
Our Georgie's love etiquette
DOS
- DO stay away from your boss and vice versa. Stick to colleagues on your level and you won’t end up killing your career.
- DO set boundaries. If you’re not comfortable with saucy emails in work hours or a secret rendezvous in the stationary cupboard, be firm.
- DO know the risks of getting involved with someone from the office. If things turn sour you have to see that person every day.
- DO talk through what you will do if the relationship doesn’t work out. Your co-worker could go from being the highlight of your day to being more irritating than spam mail.
DON'TS
- DON’T use creepy chat-up lines, lunge at them over the photocopier or bombard them with emails. Be respectful at all times. Make sure you are both on the same page before you start moving the goalposts.
- DON’T get caught out. Avoid public displays of affection. It may be called an office romance but romance does not belong in the office.
- DON’T let it impact your output. Work can be a tedious grind but you are being paid for your expertise, not your flirting finesse.
- DON’T talk about how your lover rates in bed like an office PowerPoint presentation. Would you want everyone knowing your secrets in the sack?