From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
MASSIVE JEERS to Scott McClellan. The latest former Bush lapdog---he was press secretary from '03 to '06---to come out of the woodwork has several juicy nuggets in his hot-off-the-presses tell-all book. Bottom line: he confirms everything that we dirty hippie bloggers were screaming about at the top of our lungs, but which the traditional media ignored because...well, because Scott McClellan stood at his little White House podium and denied it all, lying out of his fat little elitist face as the stenographers printed his crap without scrutiny.
Once again, we come face to face with a White House official who could've done the right thing...but instead decided that the lives of American troops, Iraqi civilians, Katrina victims, and a network of covert CIA operatives were worth less than the luster of his master's lapel pin. When our country needed him to tell it straight, he hid behind propaganda and spin and bogus talking points and outright bamboozlement.
He told us to our faces we could trust him, when all along he knew that he was committing deception on a massive scale with horrific consequences. The lies he left in his wake, placed end to end, could reach the moon and back. He helped put the welfare of a handful of maniacal warmongers ahead of the welfare of the country. The time to reveal the way the Bushies were "restoring honor and integrity to the White House" was back then---years ago---when such revelations might've done some good. Instead, he waited until 2008 for his conscience dump. What bravery. What a mighty mighty man.
If there was any justice in the world, Scott McClellan would have to travel to the home of every family member who lost a loved one in Iraq, get down on his knees, and beg forgiveness. But he won't. Instead, we get 341 pages of, Hey, I was just following orders.
The only thing that Scott McClellan should collect from his book is dust.
There. I feel better now. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Note: Toad venom will no longer be dispensed in the C&J infirmary. We regret the inconvenience.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Puerto Rico primary: 3
Days 'til same-sex couples in some California counties can get married: 17
(Source: MSNBC)
Amount businesses will spend fighting email spam this year: $42 billion, up from $35 billion last year.
(Source: The Washington Post via The Week)
Decrease in gasoline sales so far this year in Maine: 3.6%
(Source: The Portland Press Herald)
Number of times the traditional media have called John McCain a "maverick" since 1995: 6,757
Percent change between 2001 and 2007 in the number of mentions per year: 76%
Rank of John McCain among the most conservative-voting senators in 2001 and 2007, respectively: 45, 8
(Source: Harper's Index)
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 169 (including a new book by Senator Jim Webb and half a dozen presidential bong hits). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Stowaway
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CHEERS to hangin' with Howard. Time magazine readers ask the DNC chair about this and that...
Do you see any situation whereby the delegates from Michigan and Florida are not seated?
Howard Dean: There'll be three principles that the Rules Committee looks at: 1) fairness to the voters; 2) fairness to the campaigns, who started off under a set of rules believing that Michigan and Florida would not be seated; 3) fairness to the 48 states who did the right thing and stayed with the process. I do believe that Michigan and Florida will be seated in some way.
Do you favor the elimination of the Electoral College?
Yes. It's unrepresentative of where the American people are. It was fine for the days of the Pony Express, but it's not necessary to avoid a popular vote on Presidents now.
People disapprove of the job Congress is doing. Does that mean the gains made in the 2006 election will be lost in 2008?
No. The public clearly agrees with Democrats on the major issues of the economy, the war and health care, and I think they feel very frustrated that the Republicans are preventing any of the reforms that the public wanted in 2006 from going into effect.
Would you like to say this morning's magic words to America?
Sure. Happy Humpday, you humpety hump humpers!!
Okay, maybe I made the last one up. Maybe.
CHEERS to the Maine event. The Republicans had their state convention a couple weeks ago---it was a small, dour affair and the crackers were stale. This weekend the Democrats hold their own convention, and it promises to be a little bit...different:
The under-21 crowd numbers 288---far more than usual---among the 3,400 [delegates] elected during February's caucuses to attend the Friday-Sunday convention at the Augusta Civic Center, Manning said. ... Organizers expect such a large turnout of delegates in general that they've had to arrange to use a half-dozen sites away from the civic center to hold convention-related meetings.
Sam Shapiro, a former state treasurer who has attended every state convention for the last half century, plans to go to this one as well. Shapiro recalls waves of excitement for candidates outside of the party's mainstream that spiked participation in past conventions, but added, "it's never been anything like this."
We hear keynoter Dick Durbin plans to give his speech and then go totally mosh pit. Goddam if it ain't great being a Democrat these days.
JEERS to hardening of the attitudes. What irony: with age is supposed to come wisdom, but too often the opposite is true. Exhibit A:
By bare majorities, Californians reject the state Supreme Court's decision to allow same-sex marriages and back a proposed constitutional amendment aimed at the November ballot that would outlaw such unions, a Los Angeles Times/KTLA Poll has found. ... Those under 45 were less likely to favor a constitutional amendment than their elders and were more supportive of the court's decision to overturn the state's current ban on gay marriage. They also disagreed more strongly than their elders with the notion that gay relationships threatened traditional marriage.
The silver lining, as Slate's Emily Bazelon points out, is that support for same-sex marriage in Massachusetts swung 21 points in less than ten months once people got even a teeny bit used to it. So the strategy for victory in California is clear: tie the knot ASAP, Adam and Steve and Adele and Eve, and then get out there in your plaid shorts and...um...be boring.
JEERS to the great automotive takesie-backsie. I remember when George W. Bush got installed by the Supreme Court in 2000. Almost overnight it seemed like Americans flooded car dealerships to buy SUVs, trucks and other assorted gas-guzzlers. It smacked of irrational exuberance. (The apex of this madness was when the Republican congress approved a huge tax break for companies that bought Hummers.) Did people think we'd stumbled on some bottomless oil well? Were they that short-sighted??? Answer: Yes. And the death of the SUV is utterly predictable. Oh well...they'll make lovely paperweights.
CHEERS to the greening of the DNC. This year's convention in Denver is going to be big on eco-friendly practices, including the vittles. But have they gone too far?
Fried foods are forbidden at the committee's 22 or so events, as is liquid served in individual plastic containers. Plates must be reusable, like china, recyclable or compostable. The food should be local, organic or both. And caterers must provide foods in "at least three of the following five colors: red, green, yellow, blue/purple, and white," garnishes not included, according to a Request for Proposals, or RFP, distributed last week. ...
Caterers praise the committee and the city for their green ambitions, but some say they're baffled by parts of the RFP. "I think it's a great idea for our community and our environment. The question is, how practical is it?" asks Nick Agro, the owner of Whirled Peas Catering in Commerce City. ... "I'll cook anything, but I've had clients who have approached me about all-organic menus, and then they see the organic stuff pretty much doubles your price."
Wait a minute: no fried foods? Tsk tsk. It just won’t be the same not being able to make elephant ears disappear.
CHEERS to splishin' and splashin'. Two hundred and sixty six years ago today, England's first indoor swimming pool opened. It was followed the next day by the first pool-side sign: "We don't swim in thy toilet. Please don't pee in mine pool."
CHEERS to the silence of the pundits. I know I shouldn’t be cocky, but I'm laughing my ass off. Remember all the dire warnings from the talking heads who screamed that the lengthy Democratic primary season would give John McCain a whopping head start? Remember how we're supposed to be eating his dust by now? Well, those warnings---big surprise---were apparently unfounded, since the maverick still seems to be asleep in his stall. Of course, given that it's McCain, maybe this is what fourth gear looks like for him...in which case I'd almost feel guilty not giving him a head start. Almost.
CHEERS to the human version of Mapquest. An 11 year-old Nebraska kid with the traditional Nebraskan name Akshay Rajagopal was given a $25,000 check after winning the National Geographic Bee. He won by knowing that Cochabamba is the third-largest conurbation in Bolivia. Apparently he can find anything anywhere withut a map. His mom would be more impressed if his underwear could find the bottom of the hamper. Soulmates, kid---you and me.
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Two Years Ago in C&J: May 28, 2006...
JEERS to reefer madness. More evidence that we've outlawed the wrong smoking sticks: A big fat doobie of a study says marijuana---even among heavy users---does NOT cause lung cancer: "What we found instead was no association at all, and even a suggestion of some protective effect." Two-pack-a-day cigarette smokers, meanwhile, showed a 20-fold increase in lung cancer. Our new slogan for our campaign against the anti-pot propaganda crowd: "Just Say Bullshit!"
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And just one more...
CHEERS to "a speeding bullet photographed by a speeding bullet" (via Boing Boing). Check out this unbelievable shot, taken by the Reconnaissance Orbiter's HiRise camera, of the Phoenix lander as it drops in on Mars. If NASA isn’t careful, they're gonna undo all of George Bush's hard work and make science cool again.
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Oh, and happy 64th birthday, Rudy---you still look fabulous. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Researchers have identified seven possibilities for the next generation of Bill in Portland Maine repellant, some of which may work several times longer than the current standard-bearer, soap.
---Associated Press
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