IOWA STATE FAIR

'Duck Dynasty' squawks at Iowa State Fair, but no flap

Kyle Munson
kmunson@dmreg.com
Willie Robertson, star"Duck Dynasty," on stage at the Iowa State Fair Grandstand, Sunday August 10, 2014 in Des Moines, Iowa.

The most shocking moment of Sunday night's "Duck Dynasty" variety show arrived before any member of the Robertson clan said a single word.

There was not a shred of merchandise from the hit cable-TV show, camouflage print or quacking or otherwise, to be purchased inside the Iowa State Fair Grandstand.

Huh? No merch table from the Louisiana family whose A&E series generated $400 million in trinket sales last year, according to "Forbes," and has turned every other aisle in Wal-Mart into a bizarre suburban duck blind?

Duck Commander CEO Willie Robertson, his wife, Korie, and his uncle, Si, kept it simple at their State Fair debut.

No, there was no Phil Robertson in sight, Willie's dad and the founder of the duck-call manufacturing company whose GQ interview last year veered into rants on race, sin and homosexuality.

Sunday instead offered up Uncle Si trying to warble James Brown's "I Feel Good."

The Godfather of Soul not only rolled over in his grave but probably was in a corner booth somewhere in the afterlife weeping alongside Marvin Gaye and Sam Cooke.

From a peak of nearly 12 million weekly viewers, "Duck Dynasty" now reportedly draws an audience only one-third as large.

Sunday's Grandstand gig seemed to reinforce that: There were 3,649 fans in the stands, including a pair of 11-year-old kids from Perry whom Willie invited on stage to receive signed versions of his red, white and blue bandanas. (He must've copped the bandana giveaway from Willie Nelson, a bearded singer whom I revere.)

Members of the "Duck Dynasty" on stage at the Iowa State Fair Grandstand, left to right: Willie Robertson , Korie Robertson and Si Robertson, Sunday August 10, 2014 in Des Moines, Iowa.

Willie, his bushy beard swaying in the breeze, first took the stage — an austere stage without a lick of window dressing — as if he was an aspiring roadie for Lynyrd Skynyrd, belting out Little Big Town's "Boondocks" backed by a trio of guitarists.

I could just list the songs performed and it would sound like an acid trip stranger than any Flaming Lips concert.

Willie and his wife tried a duet of Madonna's "Lucky Star." There was a rendition of "Hairy Christmas." The standard "Midnight Special." Foreigner's "Juke Box Hero." Of course a show-closer of "Wagon Wheel."

I know, I know: The Robertsons' unvarnished charm probably was refreshing to their hardcore fans. But this was $32 worth of entertainment?

As I tweeted Sunday night: If reality-TV shows are going to become a State Fair norm, I bet there's real money in a "Real Housewives"/"Bachelorette" mashup.

Willie and family didn't flame-throw to reignite the culture war. This was no Grandstand gig akin to Hank Williams Jr.'s State Fair screed in 2012 when he hated on Obama as a "Muslim president."

"There is a prayer whether you like it or not at the end of the show," was about as close to the political soapbox as Willie would step.

His dad, he admitted, "makes my life very interesting all the time. What'd you say now?"

The show basically played out in two halves: The musical and stand-up comedy revue, and a Q&A led by local DJ Eddie Hatfield of country music station KJJY 92.5 FM.

The latter was the better part of the show. Hatfield did a fine job. And to his credit Willie basically admitted that a potentially more interesting TV series about the actual Duck Commander business — a camouflage, redneck "Shark Tank," if you will — gets ignored as the Robertsons stage their antics.

The sixth season finale of "Duck Dynasty" airs Wednesday. If you already have cable, that won't cost you $32. And there's editing involved, which makes all the difference.

Whoops: I forgot that Willie did offend an entire demographic Sunday night. "Yoga is stupid, OK?" he said in no uncertain terms.

These Louisiana rednecks had better watch their backs the next time they set foot in a Starbucks.