What it’s like to compete on — and win—Food Network’s “Chopped”

In the first 3 seconds of footage of me cooking in the Chopped kitchen (Season 32, Episode 6, “Chocolate Obsession”), I’m cursing like a drunk frat kid. I believe the actual words out of my mouth were, “I make god damned cupcakes for a living. This is fucking ridiculous.” TV magic edited it down to simply, “This is f****** ridiculous.”