‘The Bachelorette’ Week 6: Childish arguments and Virginia puns

Welcome back to another week of The Bachelorette here at SB Nation. We cover The Bachelorette because it is, in fact, sports. There’s competition, drama, intrigue, and if that doesn’t sway you, one of the remaining dudes used to play pro football.

If you’ve missed anything, catch up on last week’s action here.

Becca and her band of merry men have forgone the glitz and glamour of Las Vegas for the cherry blossoms and coziness of ... RICHMOND, VIRGINIA! In case you weren’t sure where Richmond, Virginia, or the United States were in the grand scheme of things, ABC hooked us up with this super helpful graphic:

ABC

Ahhh, that’s right. Virginia is on the eastern side of the United States, near the Atlantic but northeast of Mexico.

As a Virginia girl at heart, I’m kind of nerdily excited for the show to be in Richmond. I am NOT excited, however, for the use of “Virginia is for Lovers” (twice in the opening montage alone) and the history puns.

Leo had the best one early on: “Just like Virginia birthed the nation, I hope it births a relationship that really lasts for me and Becca.”

LOL, Leo that’s pretty good.

This week kicks off with an incredibly childish argument between Chris and Lincoln about who knows what, but thankfully we have some outstanding reaction shots:

ABC

One-on-one with Jason:

The duo started at St. John’s Church, where Patrick Henry delivered his famous “Give me liberty, or give me death” speech. I love history, so this is pretty cool to me. After a turn through the church, our dapper duo made a visit to the Edgar Allen Poe Museum. They make out while Becca stands in a coffin, learn about everyone’s favorite raven fan, and then head to the garden where they find this scene:

ABC

This is an Unhappy Hour, and it leads to this incredible exchange:

Gothic Man: An unhappy hour is for those that tend more towards the gothic realm of things. No bright lights or frilly things, but a welcoming darkness. You enjoy life through death.

Jason: Of course.

After the Unhappy Hour, Becca and Jason head to a local brewery where she surprises him by bringing three of his bros to town. Let me tell you something. Jason’s friends are GOOD hype men. His bros came to hang out at a brewery in downtown RVA and talked their boy up big time, telling Becca he’s the “real deal” and everything she could want in a mate.

Dinner got unbelievably heavy as Jason told a heartbreaking story about visiting his grandmother with Alzheimer’s and Becca responded with a devastating story about her father’s passing. She ends up giving Jason a rose, which is a no-brainer after a relatively bland and uneventful date (honestly, that’s a good thing at this point).

After she gives him the rose, Becca tells Jason she has another surprise for him. Thankfully, this time it wasn’t a super awkward private concert, but instead they climb a ladder to an overlook in the Richmond train station. As someone who has driven on I-95 through Richmond many times, it’s nice to know that the train station isn’t just the place that I used to think was haunted as a kid.

ABC

Group date, day:

Colton, Garrett, Wills, Connor, Blake, Lincoln, and Chris all hear their names called for the group date, leaving our lusciously-locked Leo for the second one-on-one of the week.

Virginia is for Lovers Count: 3

The group is met at the Richmond capitol by George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, where they are given a tour and told they will be debating for Becca’s hand in the “Beccalection 2018.” What could go wrong?!

The guys are introduced, giving them their first shot at coming up with their signature political gestures. Some were better than others.

Political gestures of the men, ranked:

1. Wills, closed fist clap into a point at Becca — this felt the most personal yet political. Strong start to the debate.

ABC

2. Garrett, wave to the crowd — his smile makes this work.

3. Connor, prayer hands point — this is certainly a choice.

ABC

T4. Colton, golf clap

T4. Blake, golf clap

6. Chris, raised hand — do more, my dude.

Not shown: Lincoln (the suitor, not the president)

Virginia governor Ralph Northam is on hand to help ask the men questions. Like, the actual governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia. That seems like a lot. Anyway, the first one goes to Colton and Virginia governor (LOL, I still can’t believe he’s there) Northam asks him what his perfect date with Becca would be in Virginia.

HUGE missed opportunity by Colton here to reference this classic scene in ‘Miss Congeniality’:

His answer is absolutely perfect, however, saying he’d take Becca to a dog park. Umm, yes. 100 percent yes. Dude is definitely in first place right now.

Virginia is for Lovers Count: 4

Damnit, Ralph.

Everything is as normal as it can be considering the Virginia governor, Chris Harrison, and two men dressed like former U.S. presidents are asking a group of men vying for one woman a bunch of debate-like questions. That is, until Lincoln (the suitor, not the president) takes a jab at Chris for previously packing his bags and threatening to leave last week. Chris then takes an opportunity to go on a tirade about how some of the men aren’t here for the ‘right reasons,’ but says he’s been nothing but truthful and here for Becca.

And, my God, it only got worse. Chris, unable to read ANY room, regales the crowd with the story of the verbal altercation he and Lincoln got into earlier in the episode where two grown-ass men continuously talked over each other.

In case you were wondering, here is what Virginia governor Northam’s face looks like when an adult man tells a crowd filled with children that another adult man called him a “fat f**k”:

ABC

I miss Jordan so, so much.

Group date, night:

Well that escalated quickly. Lincoln immediately pulls Becca to the side on the group date, and tells her the men in the house are afraid of Chris because he’s an unstable presence and emotionally abusive. Chris, obviously, denies this and we, the viewers, are stuck watching this elementary school drama.

Garrett mercifully puts Becca out of her misery of having to talk to those two eye roll-inducing clowns, but she’s so pissed off she tells him that she needs some time alone. Unfortunately for us, that means we get Chris vs. Lincoln round who the hell cares, of this meaningless beef.

The only good part is that approximately 75 percent of this episode has consisted of outstanding shots of the men not named Chris or Lincoln looking as miserable as I feel watching it all unfold.

ABC

ABC

Garrett comes back in to the room and lays down the law, telling Chris to get over his dumb shit because now he’s messing it up for all of them as Becca is in such a bad head space from listening to his rambling nonsense. Becca eventually comes back downstairs and the night continues, resulting in Colton getting the group date rose.

One-on-one with Leo:

SCREEN TIME FOR LEO! This is the most we’ve seen of Leo all season as he’s kind of been the voice of reason/the guy in the house who rolls his eyes when we feel like we would roll our eyes. He. Is. Delightful.

Becca takes Leo in a prop plane to fly over the gorgeous scenery of Virginia before landing somewhere on the coast. They have some wine at a tasting room before collecting and shucking some oysters. It’s just delightful and he’s funny and sweet and looks at her like this:

ABC

I’m a little worried about the feasibility of this relationship as it’s hard to date someone who has more fabulous hair than you.

Leo gets the rose because — OMG — he’s perfect and the date was amazing. After Becca gives him the rose, they head to the Dominion Energy Center for a concert by [checks notes] country singer Morgan Evans. We were so close to the no awkward concerts this week. So close.

ABC

The Rose Ceremony

Before we even get to the Rose Ceremony, Chris thinks it’s a good idea to go surprise Becca at her hotel room and continue to talk at her. You almost have to admire the guy for rolling up and saying “yeah, I know I said dumb shit, but I need you to forget all that and let it go because I’m here now and I’m so real.”

At this point I’m just yelling “SEND HIM HOME” at the screen as Chris talks over Becca and continues to completely misread the room.

Becca: At this point, I don’t think we’re there, and I don’t think we’ll get there. It’s not fair to you to drag you through an entire Rose Ceremony tomorrow. At this point, I know that it’s not going to work out.

Chris:

ABC

Me:

Becca didn’t mince words as Chris headed to the courtesy SUV, saying she realized he wasn’t someone she’d want to be married to, have kids with, or be in her life at all. Damn, girl.

Chris Harrison lets the guys know that there will be no cocktail party before the Rose Ceremony. Garrett, Blake, and Wills join Jason, Colton, and Leo as the suitors moving on to next week as the group heads to ... THE BAHAMAS!

See you all next week!

Gone too soon

• Connor

Gone too soon Finally gone

• Chris
• Lincoln