10 signs your partner might be lying to you

modern family couple comfort sad
Honestly is a crucial part of any relationship. ABC

When people get into committed relationships, no one ever truly expects their partner to be dishonest with them. Whether you've been together for three months, three years, or 30 years, developing the feeling that someone is being dishonest can be incredibly uncomfortable. 

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Patricia Vercillo — private investigator and VP of Operations at The Smith Investigation Agency and Smith Training Centre — told INSIDER, however, that you shouldn't let those things get you down.

"The truth always finds a way to surface," she said. "Regardless of the lying party, eventually something in their story will sleep. Often, it's those that are surrounding the lie who will accidentally tell all. Poke around and ask others — don't just rely on one source for your information."

If you've been feeling like your partner is developing a tendency to be dishonest with you, here are 10 signs that can help you get to the truth. 

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Their hands are giving it away.

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You can tell a lot from someone's body language. ABC Family

When trying to determine whether your partner is lying to you, it's a good idea to pay close attention to what they do with their hands.

For example, behavioral analyst and author Dr. Lillian Glass wrote in her book "The Body Language of Liars" that when someone is lying, they might be pointing an excessive amount. This is because "when a liar becomes hostile or defensive, he is attempting to turn the tables on you," she wrote. 

They also might use their hands to touch or cover their mouth.

"A telltale sign of lying is that a person will automatically put their hands over their mouth when they don't want to deal with an issue or answer a question," wrote Glass.

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Their non-verbal expressions don't match their words.

Couple Talking
Look out for non-verbal cues. Flickr / Nathan Colquhoun

According to divorce mediator, relationship coach, and psychotherapist Toni Coleman, you should look out for non-verbal cues.

"When their words don't match their non-verbal expressions or overall behavior, this inconsistency is a red flag," she said. "For instance, if they say they care about their partner and want to work on the relationship, but their behavior communicates a lack of caring accompanied by little or no effort to improve things, they do not mean what they are saying."

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Being slow to respond could be a sign of lying.

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Pay attention to how long it takes them to respond. Reuters

Is your partner slow to respond during an important conversation you're having? Kevin Darné, author of "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)," told INSIDER that this is a key sign that you should be paying attention to.

"When someone speaks their mind they are usually quick and decisive with expressing their thoughts, feelings, and opinions," he said. "On the other hand, if someone is searching for the right words or appears to be editing their thoughts, they may not be sincere. Sometimes, people tell white lies in order to avoid hurting others with the truth and other times, they are looking for ways to offer encouragement."

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You're not clear on what's being said or what's going on.

Black Mirror couple
They could love you without being "in love" with you. Netflix

One of the worst feelings in any type of relationship is the feeling that you're lacking clarity from your partner or clarity of your situation. Aside from it being confusing, it can create insecurities and according to Darné, it could mean they are not being truthful with you.

One example may be when your partner says: "I love you," you assume they mean they're in love with you," he told INSIDER. According to Darné, it's possible, however, that they could mean they love you but they're not in love with you. 

Although in this instance your partner isn't lying, they are also not being clear. The resulting lack of clarity can wreak havoc on your relationship. 

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They don't have a good poker face.

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Are they making eye contact? ABC

If your partner is a person that constantly avoids giving you eye contact or keeping a straight face while discussing important issues with you, you may not want to believe what they're saying.

"If the person has a difficult time looking you in the eye or is trying to keep from smiling it's probably not sincere," Darné said. "Most likely they will blame it on being nervous. Speaking from the heart to one's mate, however, shouldn't cause nervousness."

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They spend too much time explaining.

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How detailed is their story? Pedro Ribeiro Simões/Flickr

Though giving explanations to your partner is something that is expected, Vercillo said that getting too much of an explanation from your partner should produce red flags for you.

"The average person responding to a question will be brief and to the point, she told INSIDER. "Liars often make up an elaborate story to really sell the person what they are lying about. Always root back to the natural responses of a person who is truthful. How would you have reacted if someone asked you that same question?"

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On the other hand, they leave out details and are too vague.

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When your partner is being vague, it could be a problem. Lucy Nicholson/Reuters

Before you turn your attention solely to the moments that are being over-explained by your partner, Vercillo said that you also should take note of the moments when they're being too vague.

"They don't want to give up too much information and believe that if they leave it out, it isn't actually considered a lie — which is not a loophole I might add," she said. "Trying to outsmart your partner is not very smart at all, especially when everything eventually hits the fan."

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They quickly go into defense mode.

couple angry upset argue pll pretty little liars
Lying can make someone behave aggressively. Freeform

When someone is being accused of something or constantly being questioned by their partner, it's a natural reaction to become frustrated. The problem occurs, however, when the person becomes overly defensive.

"If they are incredible defensive, this usually indicates they have something to hide," Vercillo said. "A person who is not guilty would be open and calm in explaining themselves."

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They're too busy to talk.

Phone Call
Are they always too busy to talk? Flickr/Jennie-O

If your partner always finds a way to get out of an important conversation, they might not be planning to tell the truth during the discussion.

"A person who isn't saying what they mean will usually hurry off and make excuses as to why they can't talk about this right now," said Vercillo. "Strategically, they are trying to figure out what they want to say, giving them more time to create and support their lie."

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They are constantly changing their mind.

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Consistency is important. WAYHOME studio / Shutterstock

As simple as it seems, having a partner that changes their mind a lot is often overlooked as an issue to many. Andrea Amour – founder of UpDate Coaching – told INSIDER that this consistent trait should be a red flag for you.

"Many people are unfortunately afraid of conflict, so they'll just say 'yes' to everything to avoid disappointing someone — and then back out at the last moment," she said. "If you notice your partner says 'yes' a lot and then changes their mind, ask them what's going on."

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