Dear Annie: Boyfriend’s mom is a perpetual complainer

Dear Annie: I have been dating my boyfriend for four years and am very lucky to call him mine. His mother, on the other hand, is a taker, financially and emotionally. She hates her job and where she lives but is not willing to make a change. She relies on her two sons emotionally, calling them multiple times a week to complain. Family vacations are a drag due to the conversation being dominated by her constant discussion of her weight or fancy dinners she suggests but never picks up the tab for.

I’ve mentioned my concerns to my partner, and he validates them but is not willing to talk with his mother. I’m happy to have a conversation with her, more along the line of how therapy would be a great resource (I’ve done it before and it rocks), but I do not want to overstep. I fear the boundaries I’m beginning to put up are going to pull my family away from her in the future if she doesn’t seek help.

— Hope to Help

Dear Hope to Help:Expressing your concerns to your partner — and having him validate them — is a great first step, even if he’s not quite ready to address his mother directly. In the meantime, consider having a gentle and non-confrontational conversation with your partner’s mother. Next time she brings up something she’s unhappy with in her life, tell her how much you have found therapy to be a helpful resource. Opening up about your own experience with therapy might be enough to encourage her to give it a try.

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Dear Annie: My boyfriend of six years has multiple ailments. I try to be supportive and help in any way I can. But I find that, as he complains almost every waking moment, my patience is wearing thin. It also stresses me out and frustrates me because it is literally nonstop, and there is nothing his doctor or I can do.

He has a sister who also complains nonstop about ailments, and she has lost relationships due to the stress it causes. I find myself avoiding spending time with him, and I feel sad and guilty.

Do you have any advice for me? Other than the complaining, he and his sister are good, thoughtful people.

— Need Earplugs

Dear Earplugs: Being the partner of a person with severe health issues is no easy feat. While it’s important to be supportive and empathetic of your boyfriend’s health woes, you must also look out for your own well-being.

Gently explain to your boyfriend the toll his negativity takes on you and see what outlets are available for him to work through living with his struggles. Your boyfriend, and his sister, for that matter, might really benefit from support groups, physical therapy or counseling in an effort to cope with their ailments.

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