These Dad Jokes Will Have Everyone Laughing
There’s something about becoming a father that instills an innate ability for dad jokes. The corny jokes and puns dads make seem never-ending but in the best way. They might make us roll our eyes, but we know they’re said with love. And sometimes they’re just downright clever. Whether you’re a new dad or a veteran dad-joke teller, it’s always a good idea to update the jokes in your roster from time to time (no one wants old material).
From one-liners to corny puns, the best and funniest dad jokes will get the whole family laughing. Ahead, we’re sharing some of the best dad jokes of all time and some that might be new to you. Be sure to save these for Father’s Day and write them on your Father’s Day gift card.
Best dad joke puns
April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
What is a funny mountain called? Hill-arious.
What do you call a song about a tortilla? A wrap.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
Where do pirates buy hooks? The second hand store.
The child refused to nap. She was found guilty of resisting a rest.
Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing!
Why is it bad to iron a four leaf clover? Because you should never press your luck.
What did one hat say to the other? Wait here, I’m going on ahead!
What keys unlock a banana? Mon-keys.
What is a fancy fish called? So-fish-ticated.
What’s blue and doesn’t weigh much? Light blue.
Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally? It got toad.
What type of bear is toothless? A gummy bear.
What cars do eggs drive? A Yolkswagen.
Why didn’t the skeleton go on the rollercoaster? It didn’t have the guts.
What did the cereal bring to the bank? Chex.
How does the moon style his hair? Eclipse it.
Why did the birds attack the dog? He was pure bread.
What did one wall say to the other? Let’s meet at the corner.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up alone? Because it was two tired.
How do you make seven even? Take away the s.
What’s it called when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
What did the scarecrow win an award for? He was outstanding in his field.
What cars do sheep drive? Lamborghinis.
How do cows learn about current events? They read the moo-spaper.
How do you make a water bed bouncier? Fill it with Poland Spring water.
One-liner dad jokes
I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
At least I know I can always count on my fingers.
I just gave my too weak notice at the gym.
I bought Velcro sneakers, but they were a total rip-off!
My dentist appointment is at tooth hurt-y.
Apparently it was the fridge shrinking my clothes…not the dryer.
Goodbye boiling water, you will be mist.
All the fruits go on vacation in Pear-is.
The dry-erase board is the most remarkable invention.
I brought an egg to a comedy show and he cracked up.
It takes a lot of guts to be an organ donor.
That ghost was such a bad liar…I could see right through him!
The football coach went to the bank to get his quarterback.
Spiders are so smart, they know everything on the web.
I used to have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
I had to get a neck brace last year and I haven’t looked back since.
That circus fire was in tents.
I don’t want to be friends with Dracula anymore, he’s such a pain in the neck!
It was easy to stop women from eating Tide Pods, but I couldn’t deter gents.
A joke becomes a dad joke once it is apparent.
I don’t know much about the best things in Switzerland, but their flag is a big plus.
That wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
Everyone’s sharing the rumor about butter, but I’m not about to spread it.
I told a joke about chemistry, but it didn’t get a reaction.
I’m a big dreamer, so I always hit the snooze button.
I saw the Apple store get robbed…I guess that makes me an iWitness.
That car seems nice, but the muffler looks exhausted.
The ghost told me he’d bring the boos to the party tonight.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
That vampire should see a doctor…he’s always coffin.
Best corny dad jokes
I’m following the seafood diet. I see food, then I eat it.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
Dogs are not allowed to operate an MRI machine, but catscan!
Don’t eat my cheese, that’s nacho cheese!
What computer is a singer? A Dell.
My boss wished me a good day, so I went back home.
Why do nurses always take the red crayons? They have to draw a lot of blood.
I had a clock for breakfast. It was super time-consuming.
What did one monocle say to the other monocle? Let’s meet up and make a spectacle of ourselves.
It’s painful to say this, but I have a bad sore throat.
What’s the least spoken language? Sign language.
A cheese factory exploded downtown. Da brie is all over the streets!
I’m so good at napping that I can do it in my sleep!
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
What did one DNA molecule say to the other DNA molecule? “How do these genes look on me?”
Don’t go in the grass without armor! It’s full of blades!
Why did the invisible man decline the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
How much money is it to park Santa’s sleigh? Nothing. It’s on the house.
I’m so bored at work because all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
What does a buffalo say goodbye to his son? Bison.
3.14% of sailors are considered pi-rates.
What animal is the worst at hide-and-seek? A leopard because he’s always spotted.
What do you call someone who doesn’t have a nose or body? Nobody knows.
What does garlic do before it showers? Takes its cloves off.
Why did the dog float in the water? He was a good buoy.
I went to the restaurant on the moon. The food was delicious, but there was no atmosphere.
I invented a pencil with an eraser on each end. There’s no point to it.
What has five toes, a heel, and isn’t your foot? My foot.
Why didn’t Han Solo like his burger? It was too Chewie.
What’s the astronaut's favorite part of a computer? The spacebar.
Unique dad jokes
If you spell the words “absolutely nothing” backward, you get “gnihton yletulosba,” which ironically means…absolutely nothing.
I had a joke about boxing, but I forgot the punchline.
The farmers lost all their crops and decided to try a career in music instead. They just had too many sick beets.
I once was addicted to soap, but I’m all clean now.
The saying goes, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” but they keep calling me for my annual checkup.
I’ll never trust atoms. They make up everything!
I have a really funny joke about trickle-down economics, but there’s no use in telling it because 99% of you will never get it.
I didn’t understand why the frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I made a whopping six figures last year. I also was fired from the toy factory for being too slow.
A guy walked into a bar…then he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
I got an anonymous compliment about my parking skills today. It said, “Parking fine.”
The calendar’s days are numbered. I’ll start planning the funeral.
I shouldn’t have poured my root beer into a square glass. I hate beer!
I used to fill my tires for free, but now it costs a dollar. I guess that’s the inflation everyone’s talking about.
I’m such a morning person that I don’t even need an alarm clock. That and I drink a gallon of water before I go to bed.
What came first, the chicken or the egg? I just ordered both on Amazon, so I’ll let you know.
I’m the best at putting leaves in boiling water. It’s my special tea.
When I was younger, my parents told me I can be anyone I dreamed of becoming. Then I learned the hard way that identity theft is a crime.
Taylor Swift is immune to vampires. They know she has bad blood.
The bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he convinced her to give him one more shot.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? They’re making headlines.
If the early bird catches the worm, call me a night owl because I prefer pancakes.
The waiter asked if I wanted a box for my leftovers, but I told him I’m not into fighting.
I accidentally took out my Blockbuster card at the bar. The bouncer said never mind.
In a job interview, they asked me if I can perform under pressure. I told them I don’t know the lyrics.
This guy was fired for always sweeping girls off their feet. He was a super-aggressive janitor.
When two vegetarians get in a fight, is it still called beef?
I heard that 5/4 of people are bad at fractions.
I’m always getting sick during the week. I think I have a weekend immune system.
Did you hear the joke about déjà vu? Did you hear the joke about déjà vu?
Best dad jokes for kids
Can a kangaroo jump higher than our house? Of course it can, a house can’t jump!
Why does Peter Pan always fly? He Neverlands.
What do you write on a rabbit’s birthday card? Hoppy Birthday!
Where do sick boats go to get better? The boat doc.
How does a banana answer a phone call? Yellow!
If it’s raining cats and dogs, make sure you don’t step in a poodle!
How does a bee brush its hair? It uses a honeycomb.
What animal is dishonest? A lion.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
Where do young trees learn math? Elementree school.
What’s a lazy kangaroo called? A pouch potato.
The finger was put in detention for always picking on the nose.
Mount Rushmore is the only rock group that doesn’t sing or play musical instruments.
What do tacos say in church? Lettuce pray!
What do Santa’s elves learn in Kindergarten? The elphabet.
What’s the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? You will see one in a while and one later.
What does a pampered cow make? Spoiled milk.
What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite music genre? Hip-hop.
What is a pony with a sore throat called? A little hoarse.
Where do baby cats swim? The kitty pool.
How do astronauts organize a trip? They planet.
I have a joke about pizza, but it’s really cheesy.
What do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What game are tornadoes the best at? Twister.
Why do giants sound so smart? They use big words!
If a squirrel seems to like you, you must be a bit nutty.
What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries!
What sound does the engine of a witch’s vehicle make? Broooom broooom!
What’s orange and sounds just like a parrot? A carrot.
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