Amber Rose Recalls Being 'Suicidal for 3 Years,' Says Ketamine Therapy Is the 'Only Thing That Saved My Life'

“I think I’m strong because I’m still alive,” the model, 40, said

Amber Rose is opening up about seeking help after struggling with suicidal thoughts.

The Philadelphia-born model, 40, chatted with Jason Lee on this week's episode of The Jason Lee Podcast, recalling her difficult mental health journey over the past few years.

“I think I’m strong because I’m still alive,” she said on the show.

“I was very much suicidal. I’ve been probably suicidal for three years, maybe three and a half years,” she revealed. “It got so bad I had to call a suicide hotline.”

Lee then asked Rose if she was nervous being a public figure and calling a public hotline, knowing that the recording of the call could potentially get released.

“I was not okay,” she admitted, noting that she didn’t have any other choice because she felt like she didn't have any close friends or family members to turn to.

“I don’t have a really big support system around me,” she said. “So I had a really really bad day and I called a suicide hotline and they said, ‘From 1 to 10, how likely are you to kill yourself?’ And I’m like, ‘I’m not. I’m not going to kill myself but I want to. And that’s the problem. I feel like I want to and I don’t know why I feel like this.’”

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Rose said that after “doing research and therapy,” she later realized that there were several factors that took a toll on her mental health, including her hormones being “out of whack” following the birth of her son in 2019, the isolation from the pandemic, and going through a “terrible” relationship and public breakup.

“The pandemic definitely had a number on me,” she said.

“I’m f—ed up mentally because everything is completely out of whack in my body and then everyone [online] is like, ‘You ain’t s—. You don’t deserve love,’” Rose explained. “I’m dealing with internal s—, external s—... and I'm just one person. I can only consume so much.”

“It kind of all just bubbled up and I was like I’m not okay, I need help,” she said, sharing that she finally found a doctor to help.

Related: Amber Rose Is Getting Liposuction on Her Stomach: 'I Have a Lot of Scar Tissue From My C-Sections'

Rose said the only thing that helped her work through the suicidal thoughts was doing ketamine therapy.

“I had to microdose on ketamine. That’s the only thing that saved my life,” she told Lee. “And my children saved my life because I won’t leave my children no matter how bad it gets mentally.” Rose shares son Sebastian 'Bash' Taylor, 11, with her ex-husband, rapper Wiz Khalifa, and son Slash with her ex-boyfriend, music executive Alexander "AE" Edwards.

“Ketamine has helped me a lot… I get mine from a doctor, which I suggest everyone else do the same if they want to try that for PTSD or depression or anxiety,” she said, sharing that she’ll take the drug before bed. “Over time it kind of helps you regulate the chemicals in your body so you feel less depressed, less suicidal.”

Ketamine is a "dissociative anesthetic that has some hallucinogenic effects," per the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration. It "distorts the perception of sight and sound and makes the user feel disconnected and not in control," and "can induce a state of sedation (feeling calm and relaxed), immobility, relief from pain, and amnesia."

Ketamine was approved as a short-acting anesthetic by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the 1970s. And in 2019, the Food and Drug Administration approved a nasal spray called esketamine, derived from ketamine, as a medication for depression. However, the drug is also illegally taken to get high, as it can put people into a relaxed or detached state.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.

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