Dear Abby: We recently moved to a new neighborhood. My 8-year-old son, “Joey,” has become best friends with a classmate, “Paul,” who lives on our street. We know from research we did when we bought our house that Paul’s stepfather, with whom he lives, is a sex offender who committed crimes against children and served time in prison.
Paul has been coming to our house most days, which is fine. However, both Paul and Joey have started asking whether Joey can go play at Paul’s house. I will never allow my son to play there. At some point, the boys will want an explanation, but I don’t think Paul knows about his stepfather’s past, and I don’t think Paul’s mother knows that I know.
If I tell Joey an age-appropriate version of the truth, I am sure he will tell Paul. I don’t think this is how Paul should hear about his stepfather’s past, plus I am concerned it might cause Paul’s mother to get upset and cut off the kids’ friendship. Do you have any advice?
-- Conflicted in the West
Dear Conflicted: Are you absolutely certain that you have the story right and Paul’s stepdad is a registered sex offender? I ask because I’m surprised that he would be allowed to live in a household with a minor child.
Your concern that Joey might tell Paul about his stepfather is laudable. A way to handle it would be to continue insisting that the boys play only at your house. I do think you should discuss this with Paul’s mother so you know for sure this is what you are dealing with. If it is true, for the next few years use the old, “Because I’m your mother and I said so!” when Joey asks to visit Paul. Eventually, the truth is going to come out, but Paul should hear it from his mother.
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