Dear Miss Manners: I just turned 43. I’ve worked hard to achieve a level of success I’m comfortable with and have taken pretty good care of myself. In short, I am happy to be exactly where I am in life. When my birthday rolled around, a number of people gave sly winks and said, “Oh, are you 21 now?” or “Turning 30?”
At first, I responded truthfully that I wouldn’t go back to 21 or 30, as those years were hard and my 40s have been the best years of my life. But this seemed to offend the people in those age groups. What is an appropriate response to these types of comments? I feel like they imply that I would want to deny getting older, which I don’t. In fact, I welcome it.
A response to those rudely guessing your age? Miss Manners suggests a simple, if purposely oblivious, “No, I’m not 21.” With no smile and no follow-up.
Dear Miss Manners: My sister-in-law started keeping her dining table “set” about 20 years ago, when her home was on the market. I gather this was a staging thing. She still does it. It just seems unclean to me. Is this one more of the many things people do that I’m in the dark about, or is it weird?
Definitely weird. It evokes images of a dinner party where the guests never arrived. Not to mention, as you have, that the settings must be getting dusty. It is your SIL’s house, of course, but if you feel so compelled, Miss Manners suggests asking, “Are you expecting company?” — without perhaps adding, “for the last 20 years?”
Dear Miss Manners: A friend with whom I sometimes travel is extremely careful about the foods she eats: no meat, wheat, sugar, fried food, very little dairy, etc. She is judgmental toward people who don’t comply with this restrictive regimen, which she views as the only healthy way to eat.
My own eating patterns are similar to hers when I'm at home, but when traveling or on vacation, I like to try foods that may not be on the American Heart Association's list of heart-healthy foods.
At lunch one day on a recent trip, we ordered sandwiches that came with french fries. My friend told the server not to bring her any fries, but I wanted some, so I went ahead and ordered them. When my plate arrived, my friend made a face as though it was smeared with something nasty.
This incident pushed my buttons because throughout my childhood and young adulthood, everything I ate was monitored relentlessly. The list of foods I was discouraged from eating was long, and included many foods I really liked. Decades later, I still resent the food police.
I had already told my friend on an earlier occasion that I am an adult making my own food choices and that I don’t appreciate being criticized for them. Is there a polite way to respond to someone expressing disgust over what I choose to eat?
“Oh, dear, is there something crawling on it? Because it looks delicious to me.”
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2024 Judith Martin
