Erika Jayne reflected on her mental state after getting dragged into estranged husband Tom Girardi’s legal troubles.
“There was nothing hopeful on the horizon for years. That’s when you’re like, ‘Well why am here?’” Erika, 52, said during her two-part Bravo special Bet It All on Blonde, which premiered on Wednesday, March 6. “I thought about killing myself many a times.”
Erika was named alongside Tom, 84, in a December 2020 fraud and embezzlement lawsuit in which the disgraced lawyer and his then-firm, Girardi and Keese, were accused of misusing $2 million in settlement funds meant for the victims of a plane crash. (Erika had filed for divorce from Tom one month prior. The divorce has still not been finalized.)
While she has vehemently denied any involvement, Erika has been put through the wringer during multiple seasons of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills with the woman speculating how much knowledge she had about Tom’s wrongdoings.
“There’s a whole lotta judgement and accusations repeatedly over and over again,” Erika recalled during Wednesday’s docuseries. “I had to defend myself every day.”
Erika also revealed she spoke with her son, Tommy Zizzo, about her suicidal thoughts. (She shares Tommy with ex-husband Thomas Zizzo.)
“I would talk to my son, I was like, ‘You know, I don’t wanna do this. I don’t wanna be here,’” she continued. “He’s like, ‘That’s great, but here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna dig your heels in and you’re gonna fight like a motherf—ker, and you’re going to show everyone that they were wrong, and you were right and then we can have this conversation after that. But until then you’re going to fight.’”
While Bet It All on Blonde was mainly about the 30 days leading up to Erika’s Las Vegas residency of the same name, she also discussed how Tom’s ongoing legal issues have impacted the past few years of her life.
“Between divorce, competency, hearings and indictments and losing everything in the last three years have sucked,” she said at one point during the docuseries. Most of the conversations regarding Tom took place during the first of the two episodes.
Elsewhere in the show, Erika declared that she’s still being “punished” for Tom’s mistakes.
“I don’t really even have my own freedom because i’m still wearing the last name,” she said. “So I’ve worked really hard to have my life and rebuild and that’s what the residency means to me, but am I ever gonna get away from this?”
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.
