Spring break beaches? No, biggest oceanfront crime scene in Florida is Mar-a-Lago

Gov. Ron DeSantis is deploying dozens of Florida Highway Patrol troopers to Spring Break hot spots this month with the message that we live in a “law-and-order state.”

Who knew?

DeSantis said the troopers will be deployed to Miami Beach, Daytona Beach, Panama City and other spring break watering holes to arrest those who are “committing crimes and causing havoc.” 

“You are going to pay the price, and we will hold you accountable, because that’s what we do here,” DeSantis said.

Well, that’s refreshing news. And yet, I haven’t seen any of the havoc-stopping strike force marshaling their forces outside the gates of Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach.

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Why not? Mar-a-Lago is the crime-committing, havoc-causing capital of Florida. If you’re going to take a stand against wanton lawlessness in Florida — and put down a meaningful endorsement for the rule of law — there’s no better place to start than Insurrection Central, headquarters for the malcontents looking to start a new civil war.

But instead, DeSantis is dispatching troopers to popular beach spots where teens and young adults from across the land gather for an annual rite of spring. 

Well, at least he’s not sending Florida troopers to Texas this time. There's an easy target to punch down at closer to home.

And yes, Florida’s spring break revelers sometimes get carried away in a ritual that’s fully marinated in alcohol, and sometimes spawns violence and crime.

Miami Beach officials have already put spring breakers on notice that the city plans to enforce its laws against loud music, smoking cigarettes and marijuana on the beach, and drinking alcohol in public. 

The city has tried to scare away spring breakers with curfews, bag checks, DUI checkpoints and $100 parking charges. 

The annual event brings billions of dollars of income to local businesses, but last year it led to two fatal shootings and stampedes created by confusion over fireworks and other loud sounds.

The city of Miami Beach put out a video this year in an effort to get spring breakers to go somewhere else.

“We’re breaking up with you,” an actor tells spring breakers on a YouTube video made by the city. 

“And don’t try to apologize and come crawling back,” another actor chimes in.

So yes, spring break has led to some bad behavior. But it helps to keep things in context. 

Spring break in Florida is far less harmful to the average Floridian than the annual spring session of the Florida Legislature.

Do you think I’m fooling? Here’s a taste: This session, state lawmakers OKed allowing lenders to charge up to 36 percent interest on consumer loans. 

That’s institutional thievery on a grand scale, where those who “pay the price” are not criminals.

Furthermore, if teenagers and young adults are so dangerous, why are Florida lawmakers always trying to lower the age of buying assault rifles to 18-year-olds?

If you look at comparative harm, spring breakers aren’t a top-tier law-and-order menace in Florida. They certainly don’t measure up to the security threats coming from Donald Trump and his oceanfront Palm Beach lair.

Your average Mar-a-Lago bathroom is a much more consequential crime scene than any beach bar’s wet-T-shirt contest. You’re not going to find stolen national secrets at the Elbo Room Beach Bar in Fort Lauderdale.

And the visitors to Mar-a-Lago pose a much bigger threat to all of us than some fraternity bro from an out-of-state university.

For example, this past weekend, Trump got pointers on how to sharpen his dictator skills from a seasoned pro, Hungary’s Prime Minister Viktor Orban.

Orban disabled his country’s democratic institutions and cracked down on press freedoms to remain in power for as long as he wants. He has also aligned himself with Russia’s Vladimir Putin rather than the democracies of Europe.

Orban is an anti-democratic strongman who should serve as a model of what to avoid. But instead, he flew to Florida on Friday, where he got a hero’s welcome from Trump at Mar-a-Lago.

“He’s a non-controversial figure because he says, ‘This is the way it’s going to be’ and that’s the end of it. Right?” Trump said of Orban. “He’s the boss.”

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It’s too bad that the DeSantis strike force wasn’t deployed outside Mar-a-Lago to remind Trump that we have three branches of government, not a “boss” who dictates on every issue.

And that just like with misbehaving spring breakers, there’s a point where enough is enough. 

Frank Cerabino is a news columnist with The Palm Beach Post, part of the Gannett Newspapers chain.