Ask Amy: Parents worry about letting their daughter who ‘pushes up against rules’ sleep at friend’s house

DEAR AMY: My daughter is in second grade. She is an only child and is mainly a pleasure to be around. However, her dad and I have noticed a tendency to push right up against a rule or boundary. Sometimes, especially when she feels comfortable, she steps over the line. She will act loud, brassy, demanding and – just sort of obnoxious.

She has been begging us to let her go on a sleepover at her friend’s house. The friend is a really nice girl and her parents seem great, although we don’t know them intimately. The girls have had successful playdates.

I’m not confident that my daughter will be on her best behavior while staying overnight, and her father and I wonder about the best approach.

– Wondering Parents

DEAR PARENTS: Your daughter might not be ready to spend the night at another child’s house, but she might be ready to host another child for a sleepover. Hosting might offer her an important perspective on her own behavior.

The risk of sending her to another child’s house before she can behave in a pro-social way is that if things go south, she will not be asked back.

I do suggest that you talk to other hosting parents and ask them to give you a call if your daughter becomes aggressive, demanding, or overly obnoxious while at their home, and to let your daughter know that you will bring her home if her behavior becomes a problem.

You should coach her on ways to modulate her behavior and actually practice ways for her to be a good guest, and a great friend.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)