One of the oldest book clubs is about to reconvene for its annual meeting. This year, careful consideration is being given to the question of how best to maintain order, after all the meeting is called seder, meaning “order.”
For some, order will come from the right guest list, gathering family and friends who know each other well enough to stay together, even if they cannot stand each other. For others, order will come from sticking to the script, reading and discussing in turn just like last time. For others, order will come from cultivating questions and conversations that draw from the common text and take everyone to new places. Many will aim for order by playing with these elements to make the most of who is present.
The Passover seder is a book club meeting, and it is also an attempt to embody the message of the text’s story of going from slavery to freedom. We are meant to see ourselves as if we went out of Mitzrayim, literal “straits” in addition to meaning “Egypt.” We are meant to experience affliction with tears and bitter herbs before reclining in privilege to eat, drink, and discuss. We are meant to recite the story, not as a frontal presentation but as a response to questions.
The book used as a guide for the seder is known as the Haggadah, literally “the story.” While it includes the necessary stages that define the order of the seder, it also has come to include guidelines for the leader to achieve the experience I mentioned above.
One example of these guidelines is the four questions, each asking why this night is different from all other nights. Another example is the four children, each asking very different questions of the leader.
The four children are the wise child, the wicked child, the simple child, and the child who doesn’t know how to ask. Back in 2016, I wrote here about how each belongs at the table. I wrote, “We need wonks and wise-crackers. We need someone to challenge us to think anew about what we tell and how we tell it. We need to see what questions we have buried and what questions are burning within us. The seder demands our presence, even if we are complaining, precisely because who we are is at stake.” To embody the journey, we have to be fully present, however it is that we show up at the table.
I missed something then, though. I missed that more than each child type being at the table, the Haggadah indicates that we need them together at the table with each other. The wise wonk needs to sit with the wicked wise-cracker; while we cannot forget, amidst any noise from those two, the silenced simple child nor the one who doesn’t know how to break in with a question or a counterpoint. I missed that maintaining a sense of order should not exclude anyone from the table. In fact, a degree of order might come from recognizing that we must figure out how to be at the table together.
Passover and its seder order us to sit together and see that we are all on this human journey together. Yes, some people will have strong positions they want to share, and they should do so with those who will feel silenced in mind. Yes, some might reject the story or its contemporary manifestations, but they should still hear how and why the story resonates with others.
Yes, some will have questions they don’t know how to ask, and they should get answers not just from listening to the loudest voices but by their own voice being recognized. This year, it may be harder than before to sit together; every year, though, we are ordered together. Human freedom comes from valuing others’ uniqueness; let’s do our best to achieve it.
About Rabbi Jeremy Winaker
Rabbi Jeremy Winaker is the executive director of the Greater Philadelphia Hillel Network, responsible for West Chester University, Haverford, Bryn Mawr, and other area colleges. He is the former head of school at the Albert Einstein Academy in Wilmington and was the senior Jewish educator at the Kristol Hillel Center at the University of Delaware for four years. Rabbi Winaker lives in Delaware with his wife and three children.
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