Opinion: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the singles capital of America — Swannanoa! Yes, that Swannanoa

You know, when you’re sitting at the main intersection in downtown Swannanoa, eyeing the convenience stores, smoke shops, and car repair joints, you might not think to yourself: “Man, I bet this is a hotbed of singles action!”

But I’m here to tell you that it is. In fact, it’s No. 1 in all the land.

If you don’t believe me, believe Men’s Journal and its March 16 article, “Study Names the Best Cities for Singles in 2024.” The findings, it notes, “were based on metrics most important to ‘unmarried individuals seeking a vibrant lifestyle.’”

Here’s the blurb Men’s Journal bestowed on our little slice of mountain bliss sometimes called “Swannanowhere.”

“Ranking in first place was Swannanoa, NC, which is described as a ‘rural haven’ with significant growth in its single demographic and a generally outstanding quality of life, based on metrics such as green spaces, crime, and cost of living.”

Swannanoa, which I’ll note is not even an incorporated town, trounced these lesser rivals: 

• 2. Albertville, Minnesota
• 3. Grandview Heights, Ohio
• 4. Grantsville, Utah
• 5. Waterville, Ohio
• 6. White Hall, Arizona
• 7. Sunbury, Ohio
• 8. Chesterton, Indiana
• 9. Otis Orchards-East Farms, Washington
• 10. Moncks Corner, South Carolina

I’m sure Moncks Corner is a little chapped right now. Also, I’ve got to say, who knew Ohio was such a hotbed of frisky and footloose unmarried action?

The article acknowledges that the list is decidedly small-town.

“Unmarried and looking to settle down? Or single and ready to mingle?” it reads. “A new study has named the best cities for singles in the United States. And you won’t find New York City or Los Angeles on the list, as many of the locations are off the beaten path.”

For the record, Swannanoa is a “Census Designated Place,” according to the U.S. Census Bureau, with a 2020 population of 5,021 people.

Men’s Journal linked to Ownerly, a digital real estate platform that provides insight into property values. For this study, Men’s Journal said Ownerly “analyzed factors such as overall size of the single population, income growth, housing or rent affordability, the availability of social venues, male-to-female ratio, and the median age of residents.”

For its part, Ownerly said, “Each city in the ranking holds unique characteristics that could serve as a haven for singles looking to mingle, establish roots, or further their careers. We also looked at Micropolitan statistical areas, which are counties with at least one urban cluster of 10,000 but less than 50,000. This statistical area also measures adjacent counties that have a high degree of social and economic integration with the core through commuting.”

Okey-dokey. I mean, I think you’re making up words there, but let’s continue.

“The analysis delivers valuable insights into where the single life might bloom the brightest,” Ownerly continues, apparently in all seriousness. “Whether it’s enjoying the vibrancy of a big city or the charm of a smaller town, these rankings offer a starting point for where to search for that perfect blend of economic prosperity, social interaction, and comfortable living.”

The gushing description of Swannanoa got even better:

“With a population of just over 5,000, this small city blindsided its metropolitan counterparts, claiming the coveted number-one spot. With a staggering 22.68 percent single population growth, it’s not just the picturesque trails and tranquil scenery drawing in the crowd; Swannanoa’s allure among singles is evidently on the rise.”

‘That’s blowing my mind’

As you might imagine, when I moseyed around Swannanoa on Thursday afternoon to get reactions to this earth-shattering news, a lot of folks were more than a bit surprised to find out their little non-town town is apparently a singles hookup heaven.

Perhaps the best reaction I got was from Matt Williamson, 33, the head bartender at Terra Nova, a nice brewpub/wine bar/restaurant in the heart of Swannanoa. He nearly laid his head on the bar when I broke the news to him, incredulous.

Like Doubting Thomas, he needed to see the Men’s Journal article on my phone to believe it.

“That’s blowing my mind,” he said quite slowly, his neurons clearly unable to absorb such a shock all at once. “It’s not what I would’ve expected at all.”

Terra Nova does draw a few singles here and there, he said, but it’s not exactly a pickup zone. As far as housing, Williamson did allow that’s better than Asheville.

“I know a lot of people my age are moving here because it’s cheaper,” he said. “That could be a contributing factor.”

Now, Terra Nova may not exactly be representative of Swannanoa, as this former mill town is probably best known as the former home to the enormous Beacon blanket factory. That operation, which employed generations of locals, shut its doors in 2002 and burned down a year later in a spectacular blaze set by an arsonist.

The mill engendered a village of small, neat homes, many of which still stand. Swannanoa is also home to a number of trailer homes, auto repair shops, vape stores, and empty buildings. And churches — lots of churches.

In fact, this article made me wonder just exactly what goes on at Swannanoa Valley Independent Missionary Baptist Church, if you get my drift.

OK, I’m probably going to burn in hell for that one. Can’t wait to hear from the pastor.

But back to the story. 

As you enter “town” from I-40 on Patton Cove Road, the Stop & Go Shell station convenience store takes up a prominent spot at the intersection of U.S. 70.  Cashier Pete Pool, sporting a goatee and a magnificent, long mane that has to draw the ladies’ attention, confirmed that Swannanoa does have a large number of singles.

“There’s a lot of single girls that come in here that don’t have boyfriends,” he said with a laugh.

Some are flirtatious, but he stressed he doesn’t flirt back. Hey, he’s been with the same woman for 10 years — and she’s tough.

“My old lady will whip that ass,” Poole said.

I had to show Poole the article, too. 

As far as a local hotspot, Poole recommended checking out Silverados bar for the real singles scene in Swannanoa. Sure, the bar is technically in Black Mountain, but it still draws a lot of folks from Swannanoa.

The bartender on Thursday afternoon when I stopped by was Alyssa Pride, who is single but 100 percent not looking for a partner.

“I have no interest. None,” she said with authority when I told her about Swannanoa’s ranking. “Too much b——- in the past.”

Fair enough.

The three single gents sitting at the bar knocking down domestic beers were, shall we say, skeptical of the report.

“Do you believe every (expletive) thing you read?” one guy hollered. “If so, we are (screwed). I don’t know who wrote that article and even if they came to Swannanoa, but that is definitely the wrong information.”

I explained, tongue in cheek, that I’m starting to think all these “Top 10” lists might not have a lot of validity.

Sadly, these fellas, two of whom appeared to be in their 60s, wouldn’t give me their names. When I asked if the single ladies frequented Silverados, one guy said, “Oh yeah, they stagger in and out of here.”

“Wearing their fancy ankle bracelets,” barfly No. 2 said, without missing a beat. That’s a prison reference, if you didn’t get it.

I sidled up to one guy with a striking resemblance to a younger Willie Nelson, although he did not appreciate the reference.

“Willie Nelson is one ugly (expletive),” this gent said. Nursing a Pabst Blue Ribbon longneck, he identified himself only as “David No.  7.” 

He explained that the bar has a lot of Davids.

I didn’t question that explanation. He pondered the Men’s Journal article’s premise.

“Did they say how many of the single people are widowers and widows?” he asked. 

Not a bad point. David No. 7 is a guitarist and harmonica player, which he said helps with the ladies. But when I asked him how his luck has been lately, he said, “I plead the Fifth.”

Out back, where Silverados has a large stage, picnic tables, and a great view of the mountains, a group of regulars was shooting the bull and drinking beers. 

Stephen Sheldon, 70, and his wife of three years, Sherry, 61, seemed skeptical of Swannanoa’s latest designation, although they met in in town. Sherry grew up in Swannanoa but lives in Leicester now.

“This ain’t a singles haven,” she said. “There are quite a few singles here, but it’s not a haven.”

Stephen Sheldon has lived in Swannanoa since 1984. Mainly he doesn’t want the Swannanoa/Black Mountain area getting any more positive press, which could bring more transplants, in turn driving up housing prices.

“Send ‘em to Asheville,” he pleaded.

Farther down the table, there was a lot of joking around about meth dealers and drug labs, but the consensus was Swannanoa is a nice place to live, although the housing costs have gone through the roof. Oh, and please send everybody to Asheville to look for singles.

Silverados owner, Cory Short, was getting the place ready for a big rap show over the weekend — Silverados’ music list will surprise you — and he, too, said the article seemed a little far-fetched.

“I find that hard to believe, but hey, we’ll take it,” he said with a laugh. “We’ll take whatever accolades we can get.”

By the way, Short’s been married for 13 years, so he’s not looking.

The Silverados crowd recommended stopping by the Asheville/Swannanoa Flower Shop to talk with owner Terry Dorlan, another Swannanoa native. She was out when I went by, but I caught her on the phone Friday.

“I wouldn’t think of Swannanoa that way,” she said when I told her about its latest claim to fame.

Dorlan, 59, is married and spends six or seven days a week in her shop, so she’s not up on the singles scene. She did say Swannanoa has declined “from what it used to be,” mainly because of problems with homelessness, drugs, and crime. 

When I asked her what she would tell folks about Swannanoa gaining singledom notoriety, Dorlan said, “I wouldn’t know what to say to that.

“Come to Swannanoa to find a partner? That’s scary,” she said with a chuckle.

Ready to spread the word

At the wildly painted AK + Smoke Shop on U.S. 70, employee Iris McNerney, 22, seemed skeptical.

“That’s not right,” said McNerney, who attended Warren Wilson College in Swannanoa and is finishing up at a local community college. “I am a little surprised.”

She brought up a common problem in Swannanoa: “There aren’t really any ‘third spaces’ here — places where you can hang out outside and meet up with friends. We don’t have any of those.”

McNerney, who is single, says she does not get hit on much, “unless it’s really old dudes.” I apologized on behalf of all old dudes.

Customer Alyssa Hollifield found Swannanoa’s new designation strangely fascinating, as she’s lived in this area her whole life.

“I think it’s just really interesting that that’s a statistic,” she said. “I’m definitely spreading this news.”

Man, the folks at Silverados are really gonna hate me.

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Asheville Watchdog is a nonprofit news team producing stories that matter to Asheville and Buncombe County. John Boyle has been covering Asheville and surrounding communities since the 20th century. You can reach him at (828) 337-0941, or via email at jboyle@avlwatchdog.org. The Watchdog’s reporting is made possible by donations from the community. To show your support for this vital public service please visit avlwatchdog.org/donate.