Dear Abby: Bride-to-be needs to grow up, invite estranged mom to wedding

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who can’t seem to forgive my mother. For many years I have felt that she doesn’t like me. Every time I have tried to talk to her about it, she has done the old switcheroo and accused me of being ungrateful and uncaring. The day my horse died she excluded me, and then called an hour later to tell me she had put my mare down.

I am at the point that I no longer want to be around her because, in her eyes, I can’t do anything right. I feel like any invitation from her is fake or last-minute, especially for family gatherings.

This leads me to the subject of my wedding: My fiance and I agree we don’t want her there because of how she has treated not only me, but him as well. We sent out the invitations and invited my dad, who is my hero. So, guess who now has hurt feelings? NOW she wants to talk to me.

Abby, I do not want to talk to her unless my fiance’s mom, “Shelley,” is there as a buffer. Mom won’t talk like she usually does to me if Shelley is there. I’m not comfortable seeing or talking to Mom alone, which I have expressed. The problem is, this hurts my dad, which hurts me, too. How do I make nice without disrespecting myself in the process? -- IN A MESS IN MONTANA

DEAR MESS: How much “nice” do you want to make with your mother? Are you willing to invite her to the wedding when you see her (with Shelley)? If your parents are still together, do you expect your father to show up without her? I doubt that’s likely to happen. You have some grown-up decisions to make regarding your special day. Bite the bullet. Invite your mother and, if necessary, seat your parents in “Siberia.” After that day, you will not be obligated to see or speak to her again.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.