I tried to transform my poor relationship with fitness in six weeks — here's what happened

Ever since I graduated college and signed the contract for my first 9-to-5, I’ve thought “Now is when I’ll get my act together”. And by that I meant, now is when I will start taking my health seriously.

As a younger person, I was lucky enough not to have to worry about my weight despite not being an active child by any means. A brief dalliance into ballet in primary school was the extent of my fitness regime. 

I was the person who would jump at any opportunity to get out of PE and had nightmares about the bleep test.

However, I was never overweight. I consumed a fairly healthy diet (thanks mam) and was able to eat largely what I wanted, without worrying about the fact a sloth probably got in more daily steps than I did. 

But that all changed when I moved from my teens into my 20s.

I wrote a few months ago in Weekend about struggling to accept my body had changed, particularly since lockdown. 

Lots of people reached out after that piece was published to say they had also gained weight or lost their fitness during those strange, scary times and were feeling conflicted about their desire to lose weight.

In 2024, admitting you want to lose weight can be a sensitive subject. 

As a 26-year-old, I grew up when the term ‘heroin chic’ was in vogue, celebrities were publicly shamed and berated on magazine covers for gaining weight, and attendance at slimming groups skyrocketed.

But during puberty — thankfully — something changed, and the body positivity movement gained popularity. The idea of being anti-diet, of health at every size, of publicly sharing images online zoning in on cellulite, belly rolls, and acne, became trendy.

So when a local gym contacted me asking if I’d like to sign up for a fitness challenge in January, I felt a bit conflicted.

Shedding a not-insignificant number of pounds is something I would like to do. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that wants to be a slimmer version of myself, but there are other things at play.

I want to lose weight because I feel I’ve gone past where my body comfortably sits, to a point where I no longer feel healthy. 

I want to be someone who nourishes my body, not comfort eats junk that only makes me feel physically worse afterwards. 

I want to be someone who feels energised after a sweaty gym session, not like I wouldn’t be able to run away from a predator (women think about these things).

My current attitude to diet and exercise is not making me a happier person, it’s neither self-care nor self-compassion.

Maybe, I thought, as I fired back an email saying yes I’d love to give it a go, it was time to see what embracing fitness as an adult might look like?

The challenge

The challenge offer came from F45, an Australian-founded fitness brand of studios that has locations around the world, including a number in Dublin. 

Described as a “holistic training and lifestyle” programme, its 45-day challenge incorporates three to five sessions of functional training per week (though members can attend as many classes as they wish, it’s open seven days a week). 

It also offers meal plans, recipes, and more, but for the purposes of my challenge, I just wanted to focus on fitness.

About three months prior to signing up to this challenge, I had started tentatively trying to dip my toe back into the world of fitness by attending one to two spin classes a week. 

I decided to aim for three to five cardio and/or resistance-focused workouts a week, for six weeks, with at least two of those to be in F45, one in the spin studio, and others I could make up how I pleased, be it a parkrun or a Yoga with Adrienne video on YouTube. That felt hard, but achievable.

Before my first workout at F45, I stepped onto what’s called an InBody body composition analyser. It told me I was overweight, had too much body fat, and too little skeletal muscle mass. I wasn’t too surprised, I was prepared for bad news.

Head coach Zhanaid Ibrahim offered some comfort telling me to ignore the scan’s suggested goals (it recommended a set number of pounds to lose etc), and just focus on showing up. That sounded OK.

The very first class I tried at F45 was a cardio-based workout. And it almost killed me.

Titled ‘Athletica’, the workout is described as “a declaration of war against body fat” on the brand’s website. 

It was a 45-minute wake-up call to just how unfit I had become, and at the end of it I felt like crying. Thankfully, the next two classes I attempted were resistance-style, with less burpees and more bicep curls, and I left feeling more empowered than defeated.

The following week, I did two classes in the gym, one in the spin studio, and another in a hotel gym while travelling for work. 

The latter felt like a significant point in this journey — instead of making excuses for why I wouldn’t make my class at F45, I came back to my next class telling them I’d tried a Peloton workout while I was away. 

The following week I did four classes in F45, and a spin class. The next week I did a run, two classes at F45, a yoga class and a spin class.

As the weeks went on, I started becoming more and more confident in my ability to actually complete the challenge. 

Every week I was getting four or five workouts in, even when life was busy, and as a happy side-effect, I found I was more inclined to leave work at a relatively reasonable hour — if I didn’t, I wouldn’t make my class.

After six weeks, with the finish line on the horizon, I started thinking: “Have I finally cracked this thing?”

The results

I dropped in to F45 for my end-of-challenge InBody scan not expecting a big change — after all, I hadn’t changed my diet. 

But, when it told me I had lost a negligible number of pounds, and worse, I’d somehow lost a bit of muscle and increased my body fat percentage slightly along the way... I felt embarrassed, frustrated, deflated. 

The scale had told me I’d failed, but prior to stepping on it, I thought I’d won.

I had discovered I actually enjoyed going to my spin classes, and while I still struggled to enjoy cardio day at F45, I had started to look forward to the resistance classes and felt myself getting stronger, whether it was lifting heavier or holding a plank for longer.

I had more confidence, more energy, and all around, just felt better about myself. So now, why did I feel so bad?

New goals

Wrapping up my challenge, I wanted to chat with two of the coaches that had witnessed my journey throughout this challenge. 

One of those is Carla Bredin, the owner and an instructor at echelon, the spin studio on D’Olier Street, Dublin, which I had started attending some months earlier.

Part of why I started with echelon was its open call to members to refrain from talking about diets or weight loss in the studio, so when I dropped in to chat after getting my scan results, it felt like a safe space to chat about the mixed emotions I was having following it all.

Bredin, who also works as a psychotherapist and a nutritionist, said it was “infuriating” for her to hear I was feeling down post-scan despite the progress I had so clearly made.

“You started this conversation saying you are someone who has always struggled with a fitness regime you can stick with, now you are saying you are someone who loves spin and lifting weights...

“Those first few classes, do you remember how you really struggled with the shoes?” she asks, and I half wince/half laugh remembering how long it took me to get the hang of clipping into a spin bike, feeling mortified as I had to keep asking the instructor for help.

“And now you’re coming in those cute two-pieces,” she adds, referencing the fact I used to come in zip-ups and leggings and wouldn’t have dared stripped down to a sports bra. I hadn’t even noticed that change myself.

“You can be you in a way you maybe didn’t feel comfortable with two months ago,” she says.

It’s true, I realise. While I haven’t lost many inches off my waistline or dropped belly fat, I feel more confident. It’s less about wanting my body to be seen, but more, I don’t feel so ashamed I am actively trying to constantly hide it from others.

Still, though, I have to admit that as much as I am delighted with the progress I’ve made... I still want to lose weight. I tell Bredin this awkwardly. I came to echelon because of its outwardly inclusive message and anti-diet ethos.

“A lot of us who are forward thinking and progressive and socially conscious don’t want to admit to being a ‘bad feminist’,” Bredin says. “and saying ‘I want to lose X amount of weight’, feels like a step back in the progress towards a weight inclusive anti-diet world.

“I think systemically we have to keep railing against diet culture, we have to take a strong anti-diet stance because it is so harmful to the culture, but our personal place within that gets way more complicated.”

I shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to change how I look, Bredin reassures me, but she cautions that approaching fitness with a specific goal relating to aesthetically changing your body is unlikely to end well.

“When the focus is on how your body looks, it’s very difficult to get to a point where you’re happy. Bodies, especially female bodies, change constantly. That as a motivation, in my experience, is never going to help you find peace.”

“Your body is not an ornament,” she tells me. “It is an instrument. So how you live in your body is the way to look at this process.

“How you move it, how you feel it, how you rest it, how you love it, how you dress it, how you share it, all of that is a marker of finding peace and fulfillment and pleasure and happiness in your body.

“So instead of saying ‘I am in a body that is bigger than it’s ever been and I want it to be smaller,’ you can say, ‘I am in a body that I have been neglecting from a spiritual point of view, a nutrition point of view, a work/life balance point of view’ and it’s finding a way to work with your body so that you’re doing your best for it.”

As I pop into the F45 studio later in the day to pull coach Andy Byrne aside, I am feeling a lot better about the end of my challenge, despite what the scans might have said.

“We can start to talk about healthy habits for nutrition,” he says, “but there’s no point in trying to do everything all at the same time. We should make simple, attainable goals and take everything one step at a time.”

“There is a thing with a lot of gyms, of trying to get you to lose as much as quickly as possible for the famous Instagram photo,” he says. “It’s never been something that was pushed here. We care about sustainability and sustainability isn’t starving yourself of calories.”

Moving forward, I tell him, I think I’ll stay away from the scales and the scans, but I still want to have goals to work towards. Has he any advice?

“A lot of people will have a pull-up or a push-up as their goal. Or to strengthen their deadlift. Or it can be more cardio-focused, getting more of a distance on the ski ergs. Those goals are very common, and something we can work towards in class.

“But honestly, a good goal for me would just be to get in the door. Because there’s always that little part of you that will tell you not to go.

“And if you don’t go one day, it’s also about not being angry or unkind to yourself. It’s OK to say I needed that day. I didn’t have it in me that day. I’m going to go tomorrow.”

And with that, I make a last-minute decision to jump into the cardio class for that day. And then I go home and share a pizza and garlic-cheese chips with my boyfriend. It’s all about balance.

• Nicole received a complimentary 45-day pass to F45 at the start of this challenge. All other classes were paid for in full by the writer.