My secret life as a Sean Connery look-alike | GARY COSBY JR.
Aging is a process in which things desert you at an increasingly alarming rate. One’s looks normally suffer as one ages, at least in comparison to the appearance reflected in the mirror during the days of one’s youth.
I can’t claim to have ever been what I consider to be handsome. So far as I can remember, my wife has never once told me I was handsome, except in the moments before she was going into surgery several years ago and she was under the effects of the pre-surgical medication. Nevertheless, I often have hoped aloud that I would age like the late Sean Connery who, for what my opinion is worth, was a good-looking man even in his golden years.
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I confess that I have no real idea of what a good-looking man actually is. I’ve never been so inclined as to judge a man’s appearance in that way. I suppose, from the reaction of women, one would say that George Clooney is handsome. Connery, of course, qualifies, and I suppose someone like Tom Selleck certainly draws enough reaction from the opposite sex to qualify as handsome. Then there is Brad Pitt. I’ve heard women think he’s good-looking.
The face I have seen staring back at me from my mirror has never met those standards, or even come close. I remember when my brother and I were young, girls always thought he was cute. My looks apparently did not move their meters. Over the years, I have adapted to this vision of myself and understood early on that if I had any hope of attracting a mate, I had better develop other qualities that women found attractive.
I suppose people have always thought I was nice. That’s a good beginning. I was even voted Most Courteous in my senior class, so there’s that, but it never seemed to earn me any dates. I had my sights set on this one girl in high school. She was wonderful and a great friend. We enjoyed each other's company, but I could never get her to go on a date with me, although she did ask me to escort her when she was on the homecoming court.
But that was years ago, and I still had my hair. Back then, I had a lot of hair. You can’t tell it now, of course, as hair is one of the things that has deserted me over time. Still, I continued the practice of being nice, since that seemed my best shot at dating and eventually securing a mate. Even that did not seem to get me very far and the dates were few and far between. I didn’t think I was a horrible-looking man, not handsome, but not horrible either.
Finally, one day after throwing up my hands in resignation and deciding that dating, or in my case, attempting to date, was simply too frustrating, I ran into the woman who would eventually say “I do.” Even she has never been overly smitten by my looks, though there have been aspects of my appearance that she noted with satisfaction.
We have joked about this over the years and, to be honest, I’ve felt a bit intimidated that even my wife did not think of me as a good -looking man. After all, one hopes one’s spouse finds him or her physically appealing. I suppose, given our longevity as a married couple, she was never too worked up that she was not married to someone who would challenge Brad Pitt.
So age took my hair, showed some sun-damage to my skin, added some pounds to my frame and generally was no more kind to me than the days of my youth had been. But it finally happened. My youngest daughter, who is a big fan of Korean food, went to eat with me at the Korean barbecue restaurant that recently opened in Tuscaloosa. The woman waiting on us looked at me and said, “You look like someone famous, but I can’t place who it is.”
I had heard this before and figured it would be a particular character to whom I had been compared in the past. That fellow is not a handsome man but at least it wasn’t Danny DeVito, funny guy, great actor, but not exactly leading man handsome.
The waitress brought our drinks to the table and then held out her cellphone for me to examine.
“This is who you look like,” she said, smiling. I swear, the woman was out for a huge tip because the picture she showed me was of, yes, Sean Connery!
When I got home, I immediately informed my wife who is on a travel nurse contract, that I had been identified as a Sean Connery look-alike. She said, “Well, maybe now you can get rich by being his double.”
I informed my wife that the famous actor was dead. She said, “Well, the job should be easy for you then.”
Given her response, I finally figured out an actor that I seem to have a great deal in common with after all. Rodney Dangerfield. I can’t get no respect around here!
You can reach Gary Cosby Jr. at gary.cosby@tuscaloosanews.com
This article originally appeared on The Tuscaloosa News: My secret life as a Sean Connery look-alike | GARY COSBY JR.
