With the transfer portal completely disrupting college sports, it made me wonder if the same freedom should be extended to America’s pets.
Should dogs and cats be allowed to leave their families instantly if they find what looks to be a better life?
With our daughter’s dog, Penny Lane, I have nothing to worry about.
“I don’t think she could find a better situation,” my wife says, adding that Penny is the “most pampered dog who ever lived.”
Brenna agrees that Penny would be foolish to entertain other offers. “That dog lives a better life than children in 98% of the world,” she says.
Just look at Penny’s diet. She has become so accustomed to five-star meals that she would “turn up her nose and not even try something so pedestrian as kibble anymore,” Brenna says.
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Last week, Brenna and her husband brought Penny a large bag of chicken hearts. For a dog, that’s the equivalent of a Frenchman dining on escargot.
In return, Penny provides Brenna with a diet of love.
Brenna says the dog accounts for 30% of her happiness. “She makes everything better.”
A dog, she says, “gives the best cuddles.”
Penny is happy as long as Brenna is nearby.
Every morning, after Max and Penny go for a walk, he gives the dog a treat when they return home.
But even before she gets her treat, “she races up the stairs and comes and checks the whole rest of the house until she locates me. And then she’ll run back downstairs and get her treat. She just needs to make sure that in the 15 minutes she was gone, I haven’t left.”
Before they moved, Brenna, Max and Penny lived in an apartment that had carpet everywhere. In those days, Penny would lay on the floor a lot.
Now, with hard vinyl beneath her, “she spends a lot less time on the floor.”
Penny will deign to lie down if there’s a rug handy. “She doesn’t really like being on the bare floor,” Brenna says.
Like all hip young people, Brenna works from home.
So Penny gets to experience the comforting presence of her favorite person all day. She spends most of the day “on the day bed in my office,” Brenna says. So she’s “about four feet away from me at all times.”
To our horror, Penny sleeps in the same bed as Brenna and Max.
But she sometimes slumbers on a large bean bag that’s filled with memory foam.
“Sometimes if she needs her space she’ll spend the night there,” Brenna says.
If Penny were tempted to leave home, it would probably be for an “active squirrel situation,” Brenna says.
Like most old people, Penny is obsessed with squirrels.
Normal dogs are happy with chew toys made of spare cattle parts. Penny would probably prefer to nibble on prime slices of Piedmontese cattle.
It’s true that I spend a lot of time thinking about Brenna’s hound.
As Paul McCartney once said, Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes.
Still, no one needs to worry about her. No matter what’s going on in the world, you can be assured that Brenna’s dog is resting comfortably.
If Penny had one complaint, it would be that her owners don’t play enough games with her. She’d like to play two hours a day, but Brenna and Max get worn out after 15 minutes.
There’s also a lack of variety. Penny loves to play tug of war.
“It’s the same game every time with her,” Brenna says.
Sometimes, Penny feels she’s not getting enough attention. In those situations, the dog will be “stress-yawning and drawing as much attention to herself as possible,” Brenna says.
But the dog won’t be looking around for better circumstances.
Recently, Max and Brenna bought a smoker that burns wood pellets. Last weekend, they produced what both agreed was the best chicken they’ve ever had.
If you don’t think their dog got more than her share, then you don’t know Penny Lane.