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‘We have failed’: A conversation with the parents of an Israeli hostage

They lit candles on his birthday, but didn’t blow them out 

Omer Neutra grew up in Long Island, New York, served as captain of his Jewish day school basketball team and worked as a lifeguard. He joined the Israel Defense Forces four years ago, and was serving as a tank commander when taken hostage by Hamas on Oct. 7.

I spoke to his mother and father, Orna and Ronen Neutra, before they left for Israel on Tuesday. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Omer turned 22 a week after he was taken hostage. What did you do on his birthday?

Orna Neutra: Omer was born on Oct. 14, one month after 9/11. We couldn’t believe that that was happening then and we just can’t believe that he’s involved in this prolonged terrorist attack now. On his birthday we had friends and family over to our house on Long Island and had a birthday cake with candles. But we didn’t blow them out. We just let them burn down. Only Omer can blow out his candles on his birthday.

Omer Neutra in Israel in 2023. Courtesy of Neutra family

Do you agree with those who say Israel shouldn’t have hit an Iranian target in Syria earlier this month because it would focus attention away from the hostages? 

Ronen Neutra: We’re not politicians, but we are very concerned right now that the focus has changed and that the situation with Iran is taking attention away from the real pressing issue — the hostages.

Orna Neutra: I hear world leaders condemning the missile attack on Israel and I want to remind them that there are citizens of many countries still being held hostage in Gaza, and people of different religions. All of these countries should stand up and demand the release of the hostages as well.

Do you spend time in his childhood room?

Ronen Neutra: Omer has been in Israel for a good four years. He basically moved out and has an apartment near Tel Aviv. We have rented a different apartment near his. We are preparing it for his homecoming. And when we go to Israel, we stay there.

Orna Neutra: Omer’s childhood room was a big mess just like any other kid’s. He built a life in Israel. But he is very social and his network there and in the U.S. is very big. So many people have reached out to us, from United Synagogue Youth, where he was a regional president, and from the Solomon Schechter School from which he graduated. Omer would remember that when Gilad Shalit was a hostage, Schechter students would pray for him every day. Omer now must know that his high school is similarly keeping him in their prayers. 

Are American Jews doing enough to push for the release of the hostages?

Orna Neutra: In our community there’s a rally every Sunday on behalf of the hostages. I know there are rallies all over the United States within the different Jewish communities. But it’s not enough. There’s still a large, silent crowd that needs to speak up.

Ronen Neutra: If you look at the results, we have failed. For six months we have been fighting this fight. We’ve got to do different things in order to get them released because doing the same thing and expecting different results is not working.

What do you do to stay hopeful?

Orna Neutra: I say a verse of the Psalms — Psalm 23 — every day to send him protection. We know that many people around the world are doing similar things, praying for him and doing all kinds of deeds with him in mind. Omer is a very positive person by nature. He’s very empathetic himself. We really hope that he’s able to survive this — but for how much longer can he be a hostage?

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