The universe as we know it began with the Big Bang. Seconds later, Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt.
At this point it feels like they’ve been splitting up for far longer than they were ever together, and that their children will be well into their 90s before the custody battle surrounding them is anywhere close to being resolved.
This interminable row has mainly centred around a legal dispute over the rights to a French vineyard. Anyone who’s ever ended a marriage can surely relate.
Now there are reports that Shiloh, the couple’s daughter, wants to leave Angelina’s mansion when she turns 18 next month and move in with Brad instead, which would be an unarguable victory for his side if true.
It’s hard not to wonder if this toxic, endless, tit for tat hell is karma for what they did to Poor Jen™.
But even harder not to wonder why Brad and Angelina don’t just cut their losses, end what must be an extremely exhausting, depressing process, and move on with their lives. For the good of their kids, if not their sanity.
They split up almost a decade ago ffs. And ever since, there have been incessant he-said-she-said allegations ranging from the incredibly upsetting – she claims he was physically abusive, which he denies, and he faced no charges following an FBI investigation into an incident aboard the last private jet flight they took as a family – to the dull and confusing: who asked who to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement.
Whatever the truth of any of it, constantly rehashing and arguing over all this ad nauseam seems counterproductive at best and genuinely traumatic at worst for everyone involved.
Surely Angelina and Brad both have more than enough money and homes and vineyards to be going on with for the rest of their lives without having to squabble over every asset like this?
Especially as with each new accusation, more dirty laundry is aired in front of the world, which doesn’t feel entirely in the best interests of their children.
Brad, now 60, has a new – prepare for a shock – much younger girlfriend, a 34-year-old Swiss jewellery professional (me neither). Being literally Brad Pitt probably cancels out his Sad Separated Dad energy, but still, can’t imagine she’s thrilled that his ex is still the number one woman in his head.
They say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Neither Brad or Angelina seem particularly indifferent to each other, do they?
Many people don’t feel all that warmly towards their exes, and while it’s tempting to be petty, at some point, especially when you’re parents, but also for your own wellbeing, you have to try to be the bigger person and let it go.
After everything that has happened, or is alleged to have happened, it seems unlikely that Brad and Angelina will ever be Friends… but come on now, how about this being The One Where They Put Us All Out Of Our Misery?