My parents forced me to choose between paying off my student debt or having kids - so I got a VASECTOMY behind their backs

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A man has questioned if he was wrong for getting a vasectomy behind his parents' backs - only to break it to them in the aftermath of his only sibling's death that they'd never be grandparents.

He took to Reddit recently to share his dilemma. The post, which has since been deleted but was reproduced elsewhere on the social media site, attracted more than 4,000 comments and fierce debate.

'AITAH for telling my parents that they made me choose between paying my student loans and having kids so I had a vasectomy and they will never have grandkids?' the man began in the post on the AITAH (am I the a**hole) subreddit.

'My brother was awesome and my parents loved him. So did I. On the other hand my parents tolerated me. I wasn't good at sports, or school, or anything really. I was pretty much an afterthought.'

A man asked if he was in the wrong for getting a vasectomy and remaining childfree - even in the wake of his only brother's death (stock image)

 He'd reasoned that his parents only paid for his brother's med-school tuition - while he'd taken out loans for community college, and couldn't afford to pay his student debt and have kids

He went on to add that he'd wound up in community college while his brother got into medical school, which his parents helped the latter pay for so he could graduated debt-free. 

'He had a bright future ahead and they wanted him to achieve. I was told I had to get student loans. Which I did. I also finally accepted my place on their world and went low contact. Mostly we only talked at some event for my brother,' the man continued, emphasizing his increasingly distant relationship with his parents.

Meanwhile, the man ended up getting his masters and a career he'd been content with.

'I like helping people,' he wrote of his job.

The man continued: 'But I had to plan for my future. I knew I could have a good life with a partner but that kids would lower my standard of living. So I got a vasectomy.' 

'I met my wife and she is on board with bring child free. We have a small house in a LCOL (low cost of living) town and a couple of dogs.'

However, his family's dynamic was instantly shattered on finding out the brother had died on his honeymoon. 

'My parents are devastated. I'm not doing much better. My wife and I traveled to my home town for the funeral. I saw my folks and went to see how they were,' the man continued.

'We hadn't spoken since my brother's wedding the previous month. They were obviously distraught. My mom said that when we had kids I should name one after my brother.

Nearly all of the commenters deemed the man NTA - or 'Not The A**hole'

'I wasn't really thinking straight so I told the unvarnished truth. I had to choose between kids and paying off my student loans.

'She asked what I meant. So I admitted that I had gotten a vasectomy and would not be having kids. I always figured she would get her grandma needs met by my brother. 

'My dad blew up at me for making such a stupid decision. That I had basically decided to end our branch of the family tree.

'I said that I always thought my brother would provide them with grandkids and that if I had kids they would be afterthoughts like I was.

'We went back home afterwards instead of hanging around. My mom is having some sort of breakdown from my brother passing away and now me telling her that I will not be having children.

'My dad is just angry. I'm hearing from family that I was insensitive to put it the way I did.

'They have not shown much interest in me since I was 12. I don't really think I [owe] them anything. 

'My dad called and offered to pay to get my vasectomy reversed. I told him my wife didn't want kids. I reminded him that we had told them that we were child free and they didn't care until my brother died.'

The man ultimately wanted to know if he was the a**hole for his life choices.

Most in the thousands of comments on Reddit agreed that he was NTA - short for 'Not The A**hole.' 

'NTA - they totally forgot that you lost your brother too. I am so sorry for your loss. But now guilt tripping you for your decision to live a childfree live? Your parents are the ah (a**hole) here. It's like now they remember that they have a second son. You don't owe them grandchildren. Period,' one top-voted comment read.

'NTA... Once again, your parents are putting what they want first, regardless of whether it would put you in financial ruin. They don't care, just care about what they want. Don't be afraid to go low to no contact with them,' a second wrote.

To this, a third agreed in response: 'You should never have a kid to please someone else. Having a child is basically the biggest change to your life and biggest responsibility you can take on.'

A fourth chimed in: 'NTA and I cannot believe your mother's first thought after her own son died was "at least the other one will give me grandbabies!" Like the only value you held to her as an adult was the ability to procreate and carry on your family's DNA.

'I am so sorry you are being treated this way, OP (original poster). Go LC (low contact) and give them the time to grieve their potential grandkids they would have gotten from your brother bc (because) it seems they, especially your mom, are more upset at that than loosing their own child. Sorry for your loss, OP.'

Yet a fifth offered up further advice: 'NTA maybe not the right time to tell them but what's done is done now.

'For your own mental health and peace of mind however I would recommend staying low contact with them. They are probably going to try to make your fill the void your brother left in their life and any affection they give won't seem genuine or they will start to compare you to him.'