Editor’s note: This article includes mention of suicide. Additional resources have been included in this story.
As Abby Smartt sat on her computer and filled out her application to OU, she got to the part where she had to write an essay. The prompt was “What are you bringing to the OU campus?” and Abby immediately knew the answer.
Evan Smartt, Abby’s brother and best friend, died by suicide in January 2020. His family looked for ways they could honor Evan, and in November, Abby officially started the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at OU.
Evan Smartt.
“(The essay) was more of like ‘What does your personality bring?’ but I was literal with that. I wrote in my essay I'm gonna do this walk,” Abby said. “Looking back, that was a bold move in my college essay. I accidentally manifested it.”
On April 28, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention will hold OU’s first Out of the Darkness Campus Walk honoring those who died by suicide while raising money for the organization.
AFSP is known nationally as the largest researcher and education provider for suicide prevention. The organization does national community and campus walks nationwide to raise funds and spread awareness.
Tami Kellar, area director of AFSP Oklahoma, said the organization aims to create educational programs in hopes of reducing suicide rates.
Kellar said the organization started as a way to help grieving parents know what leads to suicide and how to understand it better.
“Parents wanted to know why their child had taken their life by suicide and tried to answer that question. From there, we've learned lots of things, and so it makes sense that we do something with what we've learned and we do that through education,” Kellar said.
Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. with higher rates among adults between the ages of 25-34 and 75-84. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide rates among men in 2021 were four times higher than women. The suicide rate among men was 22.8 while women’s was 5.7.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the ninth leading cause of death in Oklahoma. Oklahoma is ranked No. 7 in the nation for the highest rates of suicide deaths.
“Suicide rates are increasing, and the chance of it changing is all like a couple of years behind,” Kellar said.
AFSP Oklahoma offers a program called Healing Conversations, where individuals who have experienced a loss through suicide are matched for a one-on-one meeting as a way to support each other and navigate their grieving.
The organization also offers several community programs including support groups for military and veterans, 2SLGBTQ+ members and others. It provides resources about suicide prevention to K-12 and college students.
AFSP is run by volunteers throughout different cities. Volunteers can be trained in educational programs and serve on a committee or board. Kellar said the Oklahoma chapter has over 250 volunteers and the number is growing every day.
“There's different walks, survivor day events. There's advocacy and tabling events. There's all sorts of different things that happen, and my job is just making sure that they have what they need,” Kellar said.
Ever since she arrived at OU, Abby said she wanted to look for ways to honor her brother.
“He was supposed to go here. He deserved to go here and to be on this campus. I feel his story deserves to be heard too,” Abby said.
Abby and Evan had a close relationship. From watching movies to playing Mario Kart on their Wii, Abby said he was her best friend.
Shelli Smartt, Abby and Evan’s mom, said Evan was the smartest person she’d ever known and always knew facts about numerous topics.
“He could look at things almost with a photographic memory and always remember it,” Shelli said.
Evan loved building Lego sets and animals, but most importantly, he loved taking care of others.
Shelli said Evan volunteered at an animal shelter and also helped elderly customers at the grocery store where he used to work. He never liked treating people differently and enjoyed spending time with his family and friends.
Before his death, Evan was accepted to OU with a full-ride scholarship and wanted to major in journalism. This year, he would’ve been a senior.
“He wanted to be a journalist in New York City and tell the stories of those who couldn’t tell their stories. He was always kind of the champion of the underdog,” Shelli said.
Evan’s organs were donated after he died, saving the lives of four people.
Shelli said his passing changed their perspective on life, and talking to each other helped them manage their grieving.
“Not everybody knows the pain. But those of us who do know the pain, we will forever live a dual life,” Shelli said. “Now we're trying to be happy and trying to move forward and try to honor him … Not only are we living in the present, but we also always have that toe dipped in the past because it’s always there.”
The family’s journey to honor Evan started with an old friend who, at the time was a freshman at OU, asked the family if her sorority could do a bake sale in his honor, with the funds going to AFSP. Abby and her mom saw this as an opportunity to do more in his honor.
As Abby was applying to OU during her senior year in high school, she got to the essay section, prompting her to consider what she would bring to campus if accepted. Her answer: she wanted to organize a campus walk in her brother’s honor.
The Out of the Darkness Campus Walks are AFSP’s signature student fundraising series and usually done during the spring semester. Although there have been previous walks at universities in Oklahoma, this is the first walk at OU.
The Oklahoma chapter also organizes community walks during the fall in several cities. Norman’s first community walk was last year on November 12.
AFSP at OU became official in November, but students started meeting in January with Abby serving as the group’s president. Shelli, who works at OU as a student hiring coordinator, also serves as the student organization's advisor.
Currently, the organization has 24 members.
Before becoming a member, Alma Hendley, a biology and psychology sophomore, attended various meetings at the AFSP Norman support group. From Ada, Alma said she spent countless nights wanting to talk and find support with someone who understood the situation she was going through.
“I needed someone to help me. My parents didn’t know what they were doing. My friends didn’t know how to guide me. They were trying their best, but I needed someone that has dealt with this unique trauma to kind of guide me in some sense,” Alma said.
Alma met Jeremy Hendley in 2009 in Ada when he was a freshman at East Central University. Jeremy asked Alma, who was working, for her phone number, to which she said no.
Jeremy Hendley.
“I went to a party later that weekend, and I saw him there,” Alma said. “He teased me about not giving him my phone number, and we started talking that way.”
Alma said she and Jeremy always aspired for more with their lives and wanted to be involved in their community. She said the two grew and worked together and helped each other in many ways.
Jeremy was a person who always lightened up the room and was loved by his family and friends.
“He was so funny. He was really smart but also very witty and very sarcastic,” Alma said. “I laughed all the time around him, and we were able to just work through problems very well. We had a really good relationship.”
The couple got married in March 2010 and were together for 12 years.
Jeremy and Alma Hendley.
While they didn’t have a wedding, or wedding rings, Alma said the couple went to the courthouse and had a special and private moment together.
“The judge asked us if we had any rings, and we didn’t, and he just said ‘Make sure you just hold each other’s hands’ and she walked us through our vows and it was just us,” Alma said. “Looking back now, it was such an intimate moment and so special … Just us committing to each other and just being with each other in that moment.”
After two years at ECU, Jeremy transferred to OU and graduated in 2015 earning his bachelor’s degree. He worked at the Chickasaw Nation Department of Commerce for over 16 years.
But Jeremy’s dream was to be a lawyer, and after applying to several law schools, he got into Harvard Law School in 2022, and the couple moved to Cambridge, Massachusetts. Jeremy died by suicide in September 2022.
“It’s a special grief when you lose someone to suicide,” Alma said. “It’s so much different than an accident or than someone that has been ill for a long time. There are really no answers, and there’s really no words of consolation that someone can give you to tell you that he’s in a better place or that he’s no longer suffering.”
Alma said she felt some of the traditional comforting phrases didn’t apply to Jeremy, who was so successful and happy about life, but who was no longer here. She said the stigmas associated with suicide also made people feel uncomfortable about what to say or how to approach Jeremy’s death, which made it more difficult for her and her family.
Alma said, in her experience, the stigma of suicide and mental health made it difficult to reach out for support to people who felt uncomfortable acknowledging what happened because of their views on mental health.
“You don’t want to make them uncomfortable, and I’m sure they don’t want to say the wrong thing, but that stigma prevented me from leaning on my family members,” Alma said. “In Jeremy’s family, we talk about his death and the way he died and how awful it is. In my family, we talk about the fact that he’s gone but never about what he must have been thinking or what led him to that point. (Suicide) is something that’s ignored, and I think that’s a tragedy.”
After Jeremy’s death, Alma started attending support groups in Norman and reached out to Shelli, who was the Norman chapter organizer. She enrolled at OU in the spring of 2023, and after hearing about AFSP having a chapter at OU, she knew she wanted to be involved.
“The organization is very embracing of everyone, very respectful and supportive. We try to make room for anyone to have a conversation of whatever’s on their mind,” Alma said. “It’s also a great way to see how individuals honor their loved ones or honor their survival story, or what they’re doing to move forward, or how they’re struggling with their family or friends because of something traumatic.
“I think it’s a good space for people of your similar background and experiences to support each other without having to explain the complexities behind them.”
On April 28, OU’s AFSP will hold its first campus walk to raise funds for the organization. The 1.5-mile walk will start at the South Oval. People can register individually or by teams through AFSP’s website or on-site at 1 p.m.
The event will have vendors and resource tables dedicated to mental health resources. Shelli said they are also trying to get therapy dogs for those who need it.
Shelli said a part of the proceedings will be for AFSP National and another for the Oklahoma chapter. While their goal is to raise $10,000, the organization has already raised around $5,500.
While the organization is still new, Abby said they are trying to figure things out and learn from what they’re doing to improve in upcoming years.
“I would like this organization to do a little more than just the walk,” Abby said. “Maybe have mental health events and events where students can come just and they’re not alone.”
Alma said this organization is happy to help those in need and hopes to see how it grows in the future. She said she would love to reach out and help everyone dealing with similar situations and remind them they are not alone.
“I hope to honor Jeremy by sharing his story and hoping that it can reach someone and maybe encourage them to seek help or offer help to a friend or a family member, to get past that uncomfortable feeling and talk about how common it is to go through dark phases in our life. How common it is to feel like you want to give up and just change the conversation in that way,” Alma said. “People need you alive. There’s people that love you. There’s people that support you. Your life matters, and there is help.”
This story was edited by Peggy Dodd and Anusha Fathepure. Sophie Hemker and Avery Avery copy edited this story.
