Marriage Jokes
Live on the fun side of marriage with our wife jokes and funny husband jokes.
Marriage can be tough. But for better or for worse, these marriage jokes and wedding puns will have you doubling over laughing. Check out our collection of love jokes for an extra laugh.
Sell It
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Don’t Send Him Back
Forgot About the Gift
Only Woman There
How Did You Get Here?
Keep the Name
Takes Two to Get Married
Burnt Dinner
Who Can’t Hear
Bald Baby
Telepathetic
Both Love Me
When people hear that my husband and I just celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary, they inevitably ask us the secret to our long, successful marriage. In response, my husband will smile sweetly, nod my way, and explain, “We both love me.”
Dead Divorce
Q: Why did the dead man divorce his dead wife? A: Because she was frigid.
Q: Why did the dead man divorce his dead wife? A: Because she was frigid.
Send a Sign
The graveside service had just ended when there was a frightening clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning accompanied by even louder thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and said calmly, “Well, she’s there.”
—Submitted by G.C. via mail
CPAP Couple
Tooth Pulled
Pray for Good Food
Prescription for Bad
The Cold Shoulder
Groom Running Late
A police officer in a small town stopped a driver speeding down the main street. The driver said he could explain why he was speeding, but the police officer said he was going to put him in jail until the Chief got back, but lucky for the driver that the chief will be in a good mood because he is at his daughter's wedding. The driver said, "Don't count on it. I'm the groom."
Tractor Trouble
Second Cake
Three Rings
Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Don’t Kiss!
For Richer or Poorer
My sister Tina was telling her husband, Kay, about a wonderful program she had watched on TV. The show gave a national award to heroic people who put themselves in grave danger to help out someone they hardly knew. Kay replied, “That sounds a lot like getting married.”
Gettin’ Pricey
Love Is Blind… Until…
Go Away, Come Back!
The Eyes Have It
Fashionistas in Love
Mrs. Motormouth
Do I Look Like a Short-Order Cook?
Fatherly Wisdom
Looking for Love
Number-One Wife
Every man wants a beautiful wife, a smart wife, a loving wife, a sexy wife, and a cooperative wife. Sadly, bigamy is against the law.
Every man wants a beautiful wife, a smart wife, a loving wife, a sexy wife, and a cooperative wife. Sadly, bigamy is against the law.
Here, Let Me Get That
If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing — either the car is new or the wife is.
If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing — either the car is new or the wife is.
Student Life or a Wife?
A retired rancher decided to go back to school. He made an appointment with the dean of admissions at a university.
The dean asked him, “Are you pursuing a bachelor’s degree?” The rancher replied, “I want to, but I can’t. I’m still married.”