Dear Amy: Have I been gaslighted? My mother was a difficult person. She was often not nice to my sister-in-law. I admired my SIL for taking the high road and for being respectful toward my mother, and I told her so many times.

I bumped heads big time with my mother, too, but had a good last six years when she moved near me and dementia mellowed her out. My mother died five years ago and my sister-in-law reminds me often of how awful she was (my brother has no fond memories of childhood, and lets his wife do the talking). The last time my SIL brought this up, I stopped her and said that although her experiences are valid, this is my mother and she is dead now, and I find it offensive to keep hearing about it.

Email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, N.Y. 13068. Follow her on Twitter (@askingamy) or Facebook.

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