Flatter people and get work done

It can be a good strategy to get things done, experts tell Norbert Rego.
Flattery, like any positive thing, is a form of energy. It uplifts you and makes you feel better about who you are. Research by the computer scientists BJ Fogg and Clifford Nass has shown that we’re susceptible to such flattery even when it comes from a source that bcan’t possibly mean it sincerely, because it’s a computer.
“Everybody likes a compliment,” Abraham Lincoln once observed. You can use flattery as a tool to get you everywhere, regardless of whether the compliments are true or not. Do we actually need flattery? “Yes, for the flatterers who use it as a means to an end,” says psychiatrist Dr Kamaljit Singh.
“Used appropriately, it can be a good strategy to get things done. The outcome of flattery depends on the skills of the flatterer and the thoughtfulness of the one at the receiving end. Flattery can lead to loss of judgment of the one flattered, if one is not grounded and is highly influenced by the excess praise,” feels. Dr Singh.
Flattery begins in one’s childhood
A parent who does not flatter their child will do emotional harm to the child. In school, children get praise from teachers and peers, which they need when they excel in studies and other extra-curricular activities. In adult life, we need flattery from employers, co-workers, friends, spouses and even our children.
Oldest form
All of us at some point or the other like and need to be praised. Researchers say if you have high self-esteem, you can accept flattery and return compliments with ease, but if you have low self-esteem, you may think there is an ulterior motive behind the praise.
Psychiatrist Dr Parul Tank believes, “Flattery is one of the oldest forms of pleasing and gratifying people. However, it can be sincere or can be to get to an ulterior motive. Often, insincere flattery works as humans always have a desire to believe good things about themselves. Insincere flattery is often used in marketing and sales as a psychological tool to fool targets. However, if a person uses his own intuition and belief system, he can be objective about the decisions he makes and not bow down to flattery alone.”
Feel good factor
Researchers say flattery works because it feels good when you’re being flattered, even if you know that it may not be entirely accurate. “When someone flatters you, you reaction will depend on the person, the situation, and what they are saying. Casual flattery usually has warm and friendly vibrations, whereas someone who goes on and on flattering you can get annoying.”
Flattery can be interpreted many different ways. There is flattery when you know the person is just making up to please you and then there is genuine flattery, which leaves you with a good feeling.
norbert.rego@timesgroup.com