SLIDING THROUGH SUMMER

As if there weren't enough disagreement already over what constitutes a real hamburger.

Grilled onions or raw? Mustard, ketchup or (gak!) mayonnaise. Rare, medium-rare or well-done? American cheese or swiss or provolone or cheddar or ... well, you get the picture.

Which brings us to the latest bone (gristle?) of contention: The slider.

Most aficionados -- and, oh yes, there are slider aficionados -- credit the White Castle restaurant chain for the invention of the slider back in 1921.

The little burger was cooked in a most unorthodox manner. Instead of being grilled or fried, it was steamed on a griddle atop a bed of chopped onions. During the last stage of cooking, the soft, fluffy top of the bun was set atop the burger, which had been perforated to allow the steam and onion essence to permeate the sandwich.

The original White Castle slider sold for 5 cents and, as is the case today, customers rarely ate just one. A typical meal consisted of four, six or more of the aromatic gut bombs. White Castle did not come up with, nor did it particularly appreciate, the name "slider." It was a name given to the burger by customers who marveled at the speed in which (how to put this delicately) the burger went in and went out. White Castle eventually realized that resistance was futile and officially named its popular little burger a Slyder. Imitations, for better or for worse, soon followed.

Fans of sliders get steamed when you call their little delicacy a mini-burger. Sliders are not and should not be cooked in the same manner as hamburgers. It's the steaming over the bed of onions that gives the genuine slider its character and identity. A burger cooked any other way is just a downsized burger. This is not necessarily a bad thing; it's just not a slider.

(Note to retired sailors: During my journey through the slider blogosphere, I found several postings from Navy men who said slider was the generic World War II name given to hamburgers because of their tendency to slide back and forth across the griddle in heavy seas. I warned you that this was a sensitive subject.)

As is the case with too many things in fancy modern cuisine, chefs have taken the humble slider to places it should never visit. There are crab-cake sliders, chicken sliders, mushroom sliders ... you name it, some chef, somewhere, has slidered it. (Word has it that the French, who never really wrapped their minds around the concept of the hamburger in the first place, serve a slider without a bun.)

In the interests of journalistic corpulence, my wife and I whipped up a batch of homemade sliders, using a Web-based recipe that hews closely to the White Castle Slyder recipe, with the exception of strained-beef baby food. We omitted this disgusting-sounding ingredient. Sometimes you just have to draw the line.

Making a batch of sliders at home is a bit of a production. You have to roll out the ground beef on waxed paper, then you have to freeze the meat not once but twice and you have to punch five holes apiece in the little suckers with a soda straw. The holes allow the steam to flavor the meat and bun and also, technically, make it unnecessary to flip the burger, though we found ourselves doing so anyway. (Hint: You can skip the straw-punching step altogether and still produce a mighty fine slider. Don't worry; your secret is safe with us.)

The good news is that homemade sliders are really cheap. You get anywhere from 12 to 20 from a pound of ground beef, which is helpful in this stinky economy. And speaking of stink, the other good news is that your house or apartment will smell of onions for several days, thus masking the pet odors.

If you want to avoid all this trouble, White Castle frozen Slyders are available at most grocery stores. Alas, the real, hot-off-the-grill thing is unavailable; there are no White Castle restaurants in Florida.

If you think you might have trouble eating 20 sliders at one sitting, you can freeze the leftovers and reheat them later in the microwave. Wrap in a paper towel and nuke for 30 seconds if frozen, 15 if refrigerated.

Another lazy-guy way to enjoy sliders is to order them at a restaurant. Sliders make great bar food; an array of three sliders at Applebee's costs under $8, about the same as most appetizers. If the cheeseburger slider doesn't appeal to you, you can choose from BBQ Pulled Pork, Southern Chicken or French Dip sliders. Yes, purists would insist that these be called mini-sandwiches, but I have a feeling this is a battle already lost.

Some area upscale restaurants also serve their version of the slider. In the Monkey Room of the Colony Beach and Tennis Resort on Longboat Key, a lunch trio of Mini-Burger Bites is available for $15. Actually, only one of them is a burger; the other two are tuna and curried crab cake. As you gaze out over the emerald-green Gulf of Mexico and mop up the last of your garlic aioli from your crab cake, it's doubtful that you'll be in the mood to argue the semantics of what a slider is or isn't.

David Grimes can be reached at dvd.grimes@yahoo.com.

WHITE CASTLE-LIKE

SLIDERS

Ingredients

1 pound ground chuck

2/3 cup beef broth

1 1/4 cups dried chopped onions (If you can't find these, use finely chopped real onions. Just remember to reduce the amount of added water.)

2 1/2 cups hot water (more if needed)

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon black pepper

20 small dinner rolls

1 jar dill pickle slices, or thinly sliced whole pickles

Cheese and condiments (optional)

Line a 10-by-14-inch rimmed baking sheet with plastic wrap. Mix beef, beef broth and salt and pepper in a large bowl. Transfer mixture to lined baking sheet; use spatula to flatten. Place second sheet of plastic wrap over meat and use rolling pin or hands to flatten meat so it covers entire surface of pan.

Remove top layer of plastic wrap and use edge of spatula to score meat into 2 1/2-to-3-inch squares. Reapply wrap and place pan in freezer until meat is firm but not fully frozen.

Remove pan from freezer, remove top layer of plastic wrap and, using a soda straw, poke five holes in each square of meat. Reapply wrap and return tray to freezer until meat is fully frozen.

Place dried onion in a small bowl, add hot water and let stand at least 10 minutes. Meanwhile, take frozen beef from freezer and remove plastic wrap. Using a sharp knife, rescore burgers and gently break patties apart.

Heat a large skillet (cast-iron works best) or grill pan over medium-high heat. Add one-quarter of onion/water mix to skillet. When water begins to steam, which should happen almost instantly, place five patties on top of onions. Cook to desired doneness, flipping once if necessary. After flipping, place a bun on top of each patty.

Remove patties and buns, with a helping of onion, from skillet. Add bun bottoms, pickle slice, cheese and condiments, if desired. Repeat with remaining ingredients.

(Note: Martin's Potato Rolls are the proper size, as are dinner rolls commonly served at Thanksgiving. Pepperidge Farm also has a new mini-bun out, called, appropriately enough, Sliders.)

-- Recipe by Adam Kuban

WHITE CASTLE-LIKE SLIDERS Ingredients 1 pound ground chuck 2/3 cup beef broth 1 1/4 cups dried chopped onions (If you can’t find these, use finely chopped real onions. Just remember to reduce the amount of added water.) 2 1/2 cups hot water (more if needed) 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon black pepper 20 small dinner rolls 1 jar dill pickle slices, or thinly sliced whole pickles Cheese and condiments (optional) Line a 10-by-14-inch rimmed baking sheet with plastic wrap. Mix beef, beef broth and salt and pepper in a large bowl. Transfer mixture to lined baking sheet; use spatula to flatten. Place second sheet of plastic wrap over meat and use rolling pin or hands to flatten meat so it covers entire surface of pan. Remove top layer of plastic wrap and use edge of spatula to score meat into 2 1/2-to-3-inch squares. Reapply wrap and place pan in freezer until meat is firm but not fully frozen. Remove pan from freezer, remove top layer of plastic wrap and, using a soda straw, poke five holes in each square of meat. Reapply wrap and return tray to freezer until meat is fully frozen. Place dried onion in a small bowl, add hot water and let stand at least 10 minutes. Meanwhile, take frozen beef from freezer and remove plastic wrap. Using a sharp knife, rescore burgers and gently break patties apart. Heat a large skillet (cast-iron works best) or grill pan over medium-high heat. Add one-quarter of onion/water mix to skillet. When water begins to steam, which should happen almost instantly, place five patties on top of onions. Cook to desired doneness, flipping once if necessary. After flipping, place a bun on top of each patty. Remove patties and buns, with a helping of onion, from skillet. Add bun bottoms, pickle slice, cheese and condiments, if desired. Repeat with remaining ingredients. (Note: Martin’s Potato Rolls are the proper size, as are dinner rolls commonly served at Thanksgiving. Pepperidge Farm also has a new mini-bun out, called, appropriately enough, Sliders.) — Recipe by Adam Kuban