Family digital detox: How to go tech-free this Christmas without going crazy

How to have a very Elton tech-free Christmas
Credit: Jamie Grill/Tetra Images/Tetra images RF

Elton John wants us all to put down our phones this Christmas.

In an interview with the Radio Times he revealed that the only screen he'll be switching on is the television and only then to watch the Queen's Speech, saying he and his family prefer to "enjoy our presents, play games and listen to carols" on Christmas Day.

In fact he went so far as to say his biggest hope for 2019 is that we all spend less time on our phones. "I love the benefits that technology has given us," he explained. "But nothing beats a lively conversation and huge laughs."

And it's a sentiment more and more of us are beginning to get on board with. But how likely is it that we can go phone-free this Christmas?

Even if you manage to curb your social media habit, there'll still be directions to look up in Maps, photos to take and countless other apps to be distracted by.

But if you want to stem the tide of screen addiction in both you and your children, then now might actually be a good time to start. Tanya Goodin, a digital detox expert and author of two books on the subject, says being online at Christmas can exacerbate the stress many of us already feel at this time of year.  

bBing online at Christmas can exacerbate the stress many of us already feel at this time of year
Being online at Christmas can exacerbate the stress many of us already feel at this time of year Credit: SolStock/E+

"Not only do we have the stress of dealing with relatives we haven’t seen all year," she says. "We’re also comparing our imperfect Christmas to everyone else’s perfect Christmas. No one is posting on social media, 'oh I’m having a terrible time.' It’s just another stick to beat ourselves with."

It's damaging relationships

The effects of spending too long staring at screens or scrolling through Instagram are now widely acknowledged and Goodin says that as well as a drop in productivity thanks to the constant distraction of our phones and the toll it takes on our self-esteem and mental health, screen time is having a damaging effect on our relationships as well.

"Children are complaining about their parents, parents are complaining about their children and partners are complaining about each other," she says. "So our relationships are a real casualty of our over-obsession with what’s going on in the digital world."

Christmas is the perfect time to disconnect

And Toni Jones, the founder of Shelf Help, a book club and community dedicated to self help and self development agrees. "Christmas is a time when you get together with people you haven’t seen for a while," she says. "So make the most of reconnecting in real life rather than connecting to strangers, or people you only vaguely know, online."

We're not giving ourselves a chance to reset 

By remaining attached to our phones over Christmas we're also not giving ourselves the chance to reset. "This is the time of year when you’re supposed to be reflecting and looking inward," says Jones. "To do that you need to disconnect from lots of different things. You’re not giving your body or your brain any time to recharge. All too quickly Christmas is over, it’s a new year and it’s full steam ahead again."

But all is not lost if you're keen to have an Elton John style Christmas. Use the next few weeks as the jumping off point for a more balanced relationship with your phone, using our experts' tips and practical ideas for ditching the digital and reconnecting in the real world.

Tips for a tech-free(ish) Christmas

1. Focus on what you're gaining

Goodin suggests looking at the idea of putting down your phone from a different angle. "Focus on what you’d be gaining not what you’d be losing," she says. "I would start by getting everyone to say what they most want to get out of Christmas. It may be that everyone wants to play games or to go on a walk or there’s a particular film everyone wants to watch. But whatever it is focus on what you want to get out of Christmas and work backwards from that."

2. Untether yourself

"Untethering yourself from your tech is one of my key tips," says Goodin. "We’ve become so used to walking around with our phones glued to our hands and it’s a lot easier if we physically put them down. You mustn’t be able to see it, hear it or touch it. Your device loses its addictive power when it can’t hook you back in by any of those senses and it's a really good way of cutting down on screen time. I often say it’s like trying to eat healthily and having to walk around with a bar of chocolate in your hand the whole time. It’s impossible to do." 

3. Distinguish between digital junk food and healthy uses of technology

Goodin doesn't suggest going cold (Christmas) turkey but rather that we should be more mindful about how we're using our devices. Could you, for example, de-install all your social media apps but agree to keep Google Maps, Uber, your banking app and Facetime over the festive period? "Have a discussion about what healthy looks like to you as a family," she says.

4. Want your teens off their screens? Then lead by example

"I think you have to model the behaviour you want to see," explains Goodin. "My experience is that teenagers are upset about their parents ignoring them when they’re on their phones. So parents have to look at themselves first and if they’re setting a healthy example around putting their phones down they’ll find their kids will follow. They’re not going to see the advantages of putting their screens down unless you say 'this is what we’re going to do instead'. And it might be something that the kids actually really want to do."

5. Plan ahead and agree some guidelines

If you're serious about installing some restrictions over Christmas then discuss them first with your partner or the other adults who'll be around. Agree what your policy will be so there can be no undermining of the new rules. Jones suggests instigating a 'phone amnesty', even if it's just for a specific period of time.

"We all follow someone’s lead so if you’re trying to disconnect that’s one thing, but if all the people around you aren’t doing that then it makes it a lot harder," she says. "So get the group involved. We all know it’s not great for us but technology is designed to be addictive, so it is going to be an effort to pull yourself away. The support of a group is really helpful."

If any restrictions are going to affect children and teenagers, then make sure you communicate the plan well before launch day. There's no way you'll get them on board if you take their phones away without warning. Agree set hours when they can get online, chat to friends and play video games so those activities don't dominate the times when you're all together. Asking them for suggestions for how you could curb your own screen time and engage with them more, will make the transition easier too. 

5. Backsliding? Don't beat yourself up

Even with the best of intentions, it'll be a battle sticking to any new regime. Breaking habits is hard, so be prepared for some inevitable slip ups along the way. If you find yourself scrolling mindlessly through Twitter but can't even remember reaching for your phone, then don't give yourself a hard time. "Don't beat yourself up about it," says Goodin.

And Jones adds: "Any kind of lasting habit change is about the conversation you have with yourself. If you have a lapse, a lapse is not the same as a relapse. So if you have a lapse think about how you talk to yourself afterwards. It’s about the language you’re using."

6. Be mindful of triggers

Addictive behaviour is often a response to an emotional trigger so learn to stop yourself in the moment and determine if you're reacting to something. The acronym H.A.L.T. (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) is often used in the treatment of addictions so ask yourself if you're feeling any of those things and recognise how you've responded. 

"Be more aware and mindful," says Goodin. "A lot of what we’re doing with tech is on autopilot, it’s just habitual." She suggests using your phone for a particular purpose (making a call, sending a text, posting a picture to Facebook) and then putting it away. 

 

For more Christmas features and gift guides, see www.telegraph.co.uk/christmas

 

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