Stratford-upon-Avon: the 'decadent' town that stoked Osama bin Laden's hatred of the West

Sorry, Shakespeare. And hats off to you, my dude. What a run you had! Having been born in Stratford-upon-Avon, you lived here, died here, and as such, for approximately 400 years, you were the town’s greatest claim to fame. And rightly so, if I may chip in. Rightly so. 

But not any more, mate: you’ve been upstaged. According to a tranche of documents released by the CIA, Osama bin Laden visited Stratford-upon-Avon as a teenager, and if we read between the lines a bit, it is extremely obvious that it was then – precisely, inarguably then – that he became irretrievably riled by the West. 

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Moaning in his notebooks about “decadent” Britain, the architect of 9/11 gave the following verdict on Stratford. “I got the impression that they were a loose people, and my age didn’t allow me to form a complete picture of life there. We went every Sunday to visit Shakespeare’s house. I was not impressed and I saw that they were a society different from ours and that they were a morally loose society.” You know the rest. 

Weirdly, Stratford’s tourist sector has not yet recalibrated itself towards its newly minted Most Influential Alumnus. And re the “loose people” bin Laden referred to, I’ve been to Stratford at least a couple of times, and if there were streets full of dancing girls and champagne fountains then I must have missed them. 

But hey – third time lucky. To Stratford! If you like Shakespeare, then you’ll love his home town. You can visit the house where he was born, the house where he died, the house his wife grew up in, and so on. You can see his plays performed at three Royal Shakespeare Company theatres, you can see the church where they interred his remains. 

Stratford is a centuries-long tribute of an entire town to a great man, a half-timbered-cottage industry to which we owe the employment of apparently every single jobbing actor in the whole UK. If you’re revising for an exam involving a Shakespeare play, you’d be better off wandering around Stratford reading the quotes on floors, walls, buildings and so forth than you’d be reading your revision notes. You could even just walk down Henley Street, listening to those actors declaim famous passages. But soft – what light entertainment from yonder window breaks? 

What a brilliant place. If you love Shakespeare and can act, join the RSC. If you love Shakespeare and can’t act, come and watch them perform some of the best stuff in the Western canon. Then drink in the olde pubs, dine in the swish restaurants, and stroll down the sparkling Avon. 

If bin Laden were still alive, had decided to check in on the old place, and somehow smuggled himself through airport security to reach it, he’d hate it just as much, which for my two groats is a sound measure of a town’s trippability. On these two pages is a round up of Stratford’s most “decadent” things to do, see and eat, (the more the better). As Shakespeare instructed, and bin Laden definitely didn’t: eat, drink, and be merry.

Seven good reasons to visit Stratford-upon-Avon

The bard

Start with Shakespeare’s Birthplace, which offers a good introduction to the man and his influence. There’s also New Place, the grander home he moved to later in life; Nash’s House, where his granddaughter lived; Hall’s Croft, a house named after the physician who married Shakespeare’s eldest daughter; Mary Arden’s farm (Shakespeare’s mother); and Anne Hathaway’s cottage – not the actress, but the woman who became Shakespeare’s wife

The river

If the weather is good, take a boat trip on the Avon, which runs through Stratford. There are both tour and hire boats.

The restaurant

Dinner starts early for the pre-theatre crowd at The Townhouse, an elegant restaurant serving traditional classic dishes.

The church

“Blessed be the man that spares these stones, And cursed be he that moves my bones.” Shakespeare’s remains are interred at the Holy Trinity Church, which is on the banks of the Avon.

The stay

Telegraph Travel’s experts recommend the Howard Arms, which is an inn that’s a short drive from town; the Welcombe, which occupies a neoJacobean country mansion; and The Arden Hotel, opposite the Royal Shakespeare Theatre.

The view

The Royal Shakespeare Theatre, which is currently putting on Twelfth Night, has an attraction outside its auditorium: the tower, from which you can admire Stratford and the beautiful countryside that surrounds it.

The rest

You know, there’s still stuff to do here that… isn’t Shakespeare. Like the MAD museum, which displays mechanical art, or the butterfly farm by the river