An hour before Christmas and all through the stores/Every creature is stirring discounts on all floors.
Now that we’ve discussed Christmas, on to New Year’s. Seer John Cohan, who predicted Clooney would honeymooney in Italy, now does his thing for the 29th year and predicts: Mrs. Amal and Mr. George “mightn’t require anniversary cards down the line because they mightn’t reach such a time plateau.”
What he’s saying is because everyone’s mumbling about big-time divorces. Rita Hayworth, long gone sexy star of “Gilda” who in real life married Prince Aly Khan, said of marriage: “Men may want to go to bed with ‘Gilda,’ but they have to wake up with me.”
And one Christmas the nifty gifty for “Sex and the City’s” Kim Cattrall was a separation from her husband of six years. Said was: “His passion was for Kim Cattrall, the famous actress, not necessarily for Kim Levinson, the real woman.”
More Cohan predictions
- Halle Berry in Ruby Dee’s life story earns an Oscar nom.
- Hitting doo-doo from hubby’s heavy spending and divorce pending, Fran Drescher goes to the cleaners.
- Queen Latifah grabs a Brad Pitt film, then it’s the political arena for causes she wins.
- Unwed Lourdes makes ma Madonna a grandmama.
- Melissa Rivers remarries and relocates with family to quieter territory.
- Renée Zellweger’s makeover makes over her career. Meaty roles. Love life not so tasty.
Political prophecies
Paula Roberts I’ve known for decades. She correctly predicted de Blasio’d back off from downsizing charter schools. Paula now foresees things which, to me, require question marks and exclamation points:
- Hillary falters? Newcomer surges.
- Chris Christie sidelined. Health related.
- Jeb Bush fades into obscurity?
- Chicago cut off for 10 days in snowstorm.
- Central Park horses keep trotting!
- Giuliani takes public role again.
- Homeless hits record numbers.
- Germany’s chancellor Angela Merkel steps down.
- Nicolas Sarkozy misses the limelight (so does his wife!) and tries again?
In the foreseeable future… ?
Wendy! The Psychic’s Psychic, as she’s called, has predicted 28 years and foresaw East 13th Street’s water main break, saying it would flood the underground and mess up the whole block. Right. And may she look into the Second Avenue subway. Anyway, she foretells:
- Claire Danes pregnant…
- Michael Douglas establishes a foundation honoring his father…
- Adele gets asked to be a reality show judge and heats up in public eye with new material plus old standards…
- More airlines go poop…
- October brings protests and violence in France…
- Mt. Fuji erupts again, probably around November…
- Large store chains have problems, chains like Forever 21 and H&M do well…
- An accident stops Second Avenue construction in the 70s nearly a week. The swollen road cracks…
- Frogs make news as scientists worry about their extinction…
With resolve
- Past resolutions. Ben Stiller’s: “Live on less M&Ms”…
- Martha Stewart’s: “Get married”…
- Rosie O’Donnell: “Try nutrition along with the crap I normally eat.”…
From me
- This year Gene Simmons’ resolution will be to remove the “Applause” sign over his bed…
- Jimmy Fallon’s resolve? To have jokes fed to him intravenously…
- Tom Cruise, who normally only comes up to a ladyfriend’s chest, swears to come up there more often…
- And chatty Alan Greenspan, always good for a juicy quote, when asked if America’s in an economic slump, may actually reply: “There exists a meaningful downturn in the aggregate output.”