‘Orange Is the New Black’: The Tao of Crazy Eyes
If Litchfield Penitentiary had a Buddha, it would be Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren. The mentally unstable inmate with a heart of gold has become one of Orange Is the New Black‘s most riveting characters, and as portrayed by Emmy winner Uzo Aduba, Suzanne has gone from prison newbie Piper’s floor-peeing stalker to evil mastermind Vee’s manipulated patsy. But through it all, she has remained the series’ most uncannily sage-like figure, doling out cryptic wisdom on everything from love to coping to proper showering technique.
As Netflix gets ready to drop Season Three for your binging pleasure on June 12, we’ve compiled Crazy Eyes’ greatest aphorisms and words of advice, ranging from the bizarre to the profound — even if those words are being delivered via a mop speaking in a British accent.
On making a first impression:
“Before I met you, the sun was like a yellow grape. But now, it look [sic] like fire in the sky. Why? Because you light a fire inside me.” (Season 1, Episode 3)
Suzanne sure knows how to woo a prison wife. First, she swipes hot peppers for a starved-out, new-to-prison Piper. Later, she comes up behind her on the Litch’s running track and delivers a poem she composed for her “dandelion” that would make Pablo Neruda proud. Too bad it all ended in heartache and urine.
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