From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Hey kids! Make room for a special gift you might get with your Private Social Security Account: Mom and Dad!
"There is one thing George Will forgot in his advice on what to tell our children about Social Security: without that safety net, young people may very well be taking care of their aged parents in the years to come. I was a kid in the '30s and '40s, and many young people I knew had their aged, and sometimes not-so-aged, grandparents living with them at home. Their parents were not only raising their children but were taking care of their own parents, because there was no safety net. Some will say that was a good thing because it kept the extended family together. But they have never witnessed the loss of self-esteem and dignity of those placed in that position. It was either living with, and being clothed and fed by, your children, or, if you had no children, going to live on the country `poor farm.'"
Claude R. Marston, Nuevo, Calif.
Letter to Newsweek (1/31 issue)
Oh Goody!
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Entry Section... [Swoosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, January 26, 2005...
By the Numbers:
Days `til elections in Iraq: 4
Days `til Super Bowl XXXIX: 11
Percent of January that's over: 83%
Chance of dying in an earthquake: 1 in 131,890
Chance of dying from a lightning strike: 1 in 83,930
Chance of dying in a car accident: 1 in 247
(Source: National Safety Council)
Chance of dying of laughter while reading Cheers and Jeers: 0
Your Puppy Pic of the Day: "Hello, FTD? I think there's been a mistake. I ordered a carnation basket..." http://rhein-main-dalmatiner.de/DalmieDogs/puppies/P4140039.JPG.
CHEERS to the Dean Machine. Now the Guv has received endorsements from some key African-American DNC members: http://www.duluthsuperior.com/mld/duluthsuperior/news/nation/10730881.htm. His chair just keeps getting warmer...and warrrmer...and warrrmer...
JEERS to overstaying our non-welcome. Great. The army plans to keep 120,000 troops (read: husbands, wives, children, friends, co-workers) in Iraq at least through 2006: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A33540-2005Jan24.html. And if the newly-elected Iraqi government says no? In that case...the army plans to keep 120,000 troops (read: husbands, wives, children, friends, co-workers) in Iraq at least through 2006: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A33540-2005Jan24.html.
JEERS to amending the above number to 119,965. A chopper crashed in Iraq (shot down? We don't know yet: http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/01/26/iraq.main/index.html), killing 31 troops...and 4 marines died in separate action overnight. Through 2006, folks...through 2006.
CHEERS to getting the boot. Richard Cohen, president of PFOX (Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays)---and Laura Schlessinger's "Ex-gay Advisor"---is permanently expelled from the world's largest professional counseling association because his "conversion therapy" techniques are based on junk science: http://www.rawprint.com/besen/012504_aca_letter.php. Imagine that...it's the exact same reason why the Fundamentalists welcome him as a member.
JEERS to Alberto "Dick" Gonzales. He's likely to be confirmed as America's first cabinet-level Torture Tsar today, of which We The People should feel so gosh darn proud. But at least the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/26/opinion/26wed1.html) and the Washington Post (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A36718-2005Jan25.html) echo our sentiments: this guy is one steaming turd.
JEERS to broken campaign promises, Part 289: Deficit Reduction. The red ink for fiscal 2005 stands at a record $427 Billion. Thank goodness the President has this in his wallet to take care of it: http://www.mattsfunhouse.com/gallery/election04/bush_republicard. (But don't even ask about the minimum monthly payment.)
JEERS to utter predictability. Well, that didn't take long---last night Sean Hannity accused Hollywood of an anti-Christian bias because `Passion of the Christ on a Popsicle Stick' wasn't nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. These people are children. Hannity and O'Reilly and Rush and the rest...they're just children.
CHEERS to the great actors. Happy Birthday, Paul Newman! 80 candles on the cake today (with a side of Newman's OwnTM Gourmet Popcorn...yum). In the DVD player tonight...aw, hell, take your pick: http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hc&id=1800012316&cf=movies&intl=us.
CHEERS to snark-free praise. Steve Martin's tribute to Johnny in the New York Times ends thusly: "Thank you for the opportunity you gave me and others, and thank you---despite divisive wars and undulating political strife---for the one hour a night across 30 years of American life when we were entertained purely, delightfully and wisely." The rest here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/25/opinion/25martin.html?oref=login. Perfect.
JEERS to messing up for success. Two-thirds of workers who make $35,000 or less see themselves as neat freaks, while less than 10 percent of workers who make $75,000 or more see themselves that way, says the New York Post. And we knew exactly where to find that tidbit of info because we always keep the newspaper right here next to the fry vat.
JEERS to the big stain. On January 26, 1998 President Clinton spoke the immortal words, "I want to say one thing to the American people: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." Right. The blow job was purely business.
CHEERS to Super Sperm. A bull mastiff in England has given birth to 24 puppies (20 survived), setting a world record for largest litter: http://www.theindychannel.com/news/4116247/detail.html. And if she ever lays eyes on the sire again, she's gonna knock him into next Tuesday.
JEERS to flipping the birds. If Ben Franklin had his way 221 years ago today, we'd have turkeys on our currency and enjoy bald-eagle drumsticks on Thanksgiving: http://www.fi.edu/franklin/birthday/faq.html#21. Eh...it all tastes like chicken to us.
CHEERS to old soldiers. Today is General Douglas MacArthur's 125th birthday. After destroying the Japanese forces during World War II, he gained their respect as Military Governor of Japan. Pay your respects here: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=656&pt=Douglas%20MacArthur. Oh, and that line about old soldiers fading away? Not a chance.
One Year Ago in Cheers and Jeers:
JEERS to George W. Bush. Wimp-in-Chief clumsily attempts to wing reporters with a snowball as he boards the presidential chopper. Because all the concussion grenades are in Iraq.
CHEERS to a mysteries solved. My dentist now has cable TV in his examination rooms. So I can now categorically state that watching Fox News IS worse than getting your teeth scraped with a metal hook.
And just one more:
CHEERS to the new Mount Rushmore. Featuring Presidents Harding, Nixon, Reagan and Bush II: http://www.verparacreer.net/imagen.php?f=1082412000&n=1. Postcards and snow globes are available in the gift shop.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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