Amish Mafia Season 2 HQ
Alvin, Caleb, Levi and Jolin of "Amish Mafia." The series airs on Discovery Channel 9 p.m. Tuesdays.
(Discovery Channel/Jason Elias)
It has been more than two years since "Amish Mafia" first premiered on the Discovery Channel.
How the time has flown.
- Read our recap of the first ever episode
The two-hour series finale was largely spent tying up loose ends, but there were a few twists and turns. Here's what happened in our favorite soap opera:
Devil Doug and the sad eyes. Devil Doug, after having his trailer blown up, is officially out for the count. He's left the battle against Levi, thoroughly defeated. He tells the camera that he'll be back... but his sad, sad eyes tell a different story.
- "Amish Mafia" creator responds to what's fake, what's real ahead of series finale
Balls of power. Without Levi or Devil Doug to boss him around, Caleb explores the world of siring by raising a bull. He's confident he has a winner. "It's all about the balls, you understand" he says, making a hand gesture to clarify what balls are.
Sinister barbecues. Later, Caleb flips out at the "Amish Mafia" camera crew. His bull has gone missing. Lebanon Levi, on the other hand, is barbecuing beef and practically giddy.
Sam Mullet threat. Sam Mullett, an Amish leader who cut beards off of his enemies, could be getting out of prison soon. This has Merlin, who spoke out against Mullet, scared.
- Merlin Miller on why he chose to appear on "Amish Mafia" and why he thinks the Amish need to change
Compound visitation. So Merlin heads to Ohio to visit with the guy's followers. No one is welcoming. But that doesn't stop Merlin, who eventually finds one person to talk to him -- Sam Mullet's daughter. She tells the camera why she participated in the beard cuttings (essentially, she thought it was the right thing at the time).
Needless fears. Mullet it turns out isn't getting out of prison any time soon. So al that worry for nothing.
Drastic measures. Mary confesses to Merlin that she has been to an English doctor, which is not okay in Amish culture. She wants to have weight-loss surgery. She is worried Merlin will shun her, but he doesn't.
- "Amish Mafia" cast member Mary Troyer speaks out on sexual abuse and being shunned
True love. "Mary, you are a beautiful, beautiful person. You need to believe that. I believe it, Mary." Merlin says, in what is the show's most romantic speech. Later, we find out the two got married.
Constipated horses. Caleb is approached by a guy who has a problem with a horse Levi gave him -- it can't go to the bathroom. So Caleb puts his hand up the horse's bum and pulls out... DRUGS!
It's not quite drug-carrying pigeons, but I'll take it.
Nonchalant constables. He runs off to tell constable Paul Castline, who fails to really react. It's basically not a big deal to him. He does, however, tell Caleb that Levi has a baby.
- Who is Paul Castline?
Baby drama. Caleb takes the bishop over to Levi's home where it's clear a baby is living. Levi admits that he isn't married, the baby is his and its mother is English. The bishop is not pleased.
Shunning. Levi is shunned, which means his time as the head of Amish Mafia is over. So to recap, Levi gets shunned not for blowing up anything, smuggling drugs or blackmailing people -- but for having a kid out of wedlock.
Mafia dons. With Levi shunned, Alan Beiler has become the new head of the Amish mafia. Under his regime he will bring peace to the Mennonite and Amish war... and a knowledge of explosives (as he shows by blowing up some creeper's car),
Revenge. Levi is shunned, but he's out for revenge. He's going to write a tell-all called "Amish Confidential," which will talk about drugs, puppy mills and sexual abuse in the Amish community.
Sex lives. Lebanon Levi's baby mama is talking to the camera, but blurring her face. She shows off the purses he bought her and talks about irresistible he is. "Levi is not hung like a horse," she says. "Horses are hung like Levi."
I can't make this stuff up, folks.
She goes on to say that she and Levi are like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Someone please give this woman her own TV show.
Absences explained. Alvin, Jolin, Esther and John weren't on the show this season because they were a pain, according to Levi. Jolin declined an offer for his own spinoff series. Esther's personal life got way too complicated. Alvin joined the International House of Prayer.
Rogue constables. Paul Castline arrests a producer of the show, without revealing why the guy was getting arrested. Levi tells the camera that Castline is crazy shady.
New sects. Merlin wants to build his own Amish sect -- the Merlin Miller Amish. In it, people will be encouraged to go to college. Sexual abuse of any kind won't be tolerated. Shunning will be a thing of the past. It doesn't sound half bad.
Epic montages. The episode ended with a montage of moments from the past season of "Amish Mafia" -- including my favorite part of the show, the explosions. Man, I'll miss the cow-fart explosions. Only on "Amish Mafia" would you see something like that.