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HNATYSHYN: Sports nicknames ain’t what they used to be

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There are a certain number of nicknames in sports that can evoke a player simply on their own.

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Even if you know next to nothing about sports in general, chances are you’d probably recognize who the following famous athletes are just by their moniker: The Great One, Babe or The Sultan of Swat, Magic, The Rocket, Hammerin’ Hank, The Greatest, The Sey Hey Kid and Dr. J.

(For those who are struggling, the real names of the above are: Wayne Gretzky, George Hermann Ruth, Earvin Johnson Jr., Maurice Richard, Hank Aaron, Muhammad Ali, Willie Mays and Julius Irving)

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These nicknames are pretty much universally-known, forever linked to the players who earned them and honestly, I’m guessing that Magic Johnson could probably count on his fingers the number of times he was ever addressed as Earvin, in the same way that Tiger Woods probably wouldn’t even respond if someone shouted at him by his given name, Eldrick.

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In any event, the other night nicknames were on my mind as I was watching a fascinating documentary about the life and times of renowned Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis, an outspoken all-star and World Series winner who famously pitched a no-hitter under the influence of LSD. Ellis’ nickname was Peanut, due to the shape of his head, which was later simplified to Nut because apparently the public thought that he was completely crazy (in fact, Ellis was a genius, brave as a lion and one of Major League Baseball’s true trailblazers).

While watching that film (which is entitled No No: A Dockumentary) it dawned on me that professional athletes in years past seemed to have had many more nicknames given to them and far more creative nicknames than contemporary athletes do nowadays.

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Admittedly I haven’t been following most professional sports in the same way that I did when I was a kid, but it would seem that the golden age of Great Sports Nicknames has sadly passed us by.

While there are a few internationally-know contemporary athletes who have instantly-recognizable nicknames – LeBron “The King” James, the aforementioned “Tiger” Woods as well as nimble gymnast Simone “$imoney” Biles – many more of today’s sport nicknames are, at least in my eyes, not even remotely as inspired as they used to be.

Among the few players who do have nicknames, they tend to have insipid ones like “A-Rod,” which is simply an abbreviation of the guy’s name or nonsensical ones like Sid The Kid, which doesn’t make much sense because Sidney Crosby is 33 years-old folks. He’s clearly an adult – it’s not like he’s getting asked for his I.D. at the liquor store anymore.

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Also there is apparently a player in the NFL with the nickname “Pot Roast,” which I’m not even going to dignify with any sort of response.

For me, back in the heyday of pro sports nickname glory, not only did nicknames add colour and mystery to the players I was watching, but the more outlandish the nickname, the more I liked the player.

Boston Red Sox and later Montreal Expos pitcher Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd was one baseball player from the ‘80s and ‘90s who was near and dear to my heart. When I first heard his name I honestly thought that his mother and father had actually named him Oil Can, which I considered to be a fairly bold parenting choice. Later on I found out that Oil Can wasn’t actually his given name and the nickname had been given to Dennis due to his superlative beer drinking ability, since people in his home state of Mississippi referred to beer as oil. When I found this fact out, it impressed me even more.

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Another one of my favourite nicknamed players was New York Mets center fielder William Hayward Wilson, better known to fans as “Mookie.” According to legend (and the internet), William’s nickname became Mookie at a young age, as it sort of mimicked the way he asked for milk when he was four years-old. Imagine having that follow you around for your entire adult life. But at any rate, Mookie was a great ballplayer, seemed like an enjoyable, care-free human being who didn’t mind being called Mookie and I really liked him even though I absolutely hated the Mets.

Six-time MLB all-star Daniel Joseph Staub was so cool he had two nicknames. He was known as “Rusty” since the time he was born, because according to his mom (a reliable source) one of the nurses who delivered Daniel noticed that he had red fuzz all over his head, so the nurse, friends and family all just started calling him Rusty. And when Mr. Staub decided to play ball with the expansion Montreal Expos back in 1969, Quebecers – apparently shocked at watching the spectacle of a ginger playing baseball – gave him the moniker of “Le Grande Orange,” an incredibly cool nickname that I in turn have given to every single person I have ever known with red hair throughout my life.

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There were so many other incredibly cool and interesting sports nicknames when I was growing up that it seems like we had an embarrassment of nicknaming riches. There was famed Canuck goaltender Glenn “Chico” Resch (he looked like Freddie Prinze from Chico and the Man), Mark “The Bird” Fidrych (he looked disturbingly like Big Bird), Bill “Spaceman” Lee (a counter-cultural icon who had some interesting ideas and threatened to bite an umpire’s ear off once) and of course our own Blue Jay Fred McGriff, whose nickname “Crime Dog” was an homage of sorts to animated police dog extraordinaire McGruff the Crime Dog, who was very well-known at the time for taking a bite out of crime.

Why has the art of the sporting nicknames been on the wane over the past several decades? I’m not exactly sure, but one theory I have is that so many kids are being given unique names at birth that there really isn’t any need for nicknames anymore.

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As an example, back when I was in elementary school I can distinctly remember being in a classroom with three different classmates named Chris, at least four or five Lisas as well as an inordinate number of Davids and Michaels. Nicknames were kind of a necessity back then because you had to find some way to differentiate between the all those Davids, Lisas, Michaels and Chrises.

Nowadays, walk into any elementary school classroom and you’ll find that virtually every student has their own unique name – there are more names in general being given at birth and there are also countless different variations on the spelling of names such as Jackson, Brayden, Jayden, Madison and Addison, for instance – so the need for nicknames has been greatly reduced.

Everyone – including current and future athletes – already has their own exclusive, one-of-a-kind name already, so there’s no need to hand out monikers like Skip, Scooter, Moon Dog, Pudge or Pumpkin, which to some (like me) is a shame, but to others (those who have been given nicknames such as “Moon Dog” or “Pudge”) it’s probably more of a relief.

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