Tormented twin brother of tragic Alloa goalkeeper Conor Brown who took his own life still wonders if he could have saved him
Declan Brown has opened up on the family's heartache since the 22-year-old Celtic fan was found dead in woodland in March last year
THE twin brother of a tragic young goalkeeper who took his own life in Alloa last year has told how the family have been plagued with unanswerable questions since his death.
Declan Brown, brother of Conor Brown, has opened up on the family's heartache since the 22-year-old Celtic fan was found dead in woodland - just weeks after wishing his girlfriend Derri Thomson “many more” Valentine’s days on Facebook.
The grief-stricken Scot called daily life a "struggle" and says he has spent nights lying in bed tormented by questions over what may have saved his brother.
In a moving post on Facebook, Declan said: "Over the last year, I have tried to find a conclusion, a turning point. I tried to search for answers to give myself and my family peace of mind, because we have been destroyed.
"Why did our boy not want to be here? What did we miss? Could we have changed things? I could go on forever about the questions that run through our minds as we lay in bed at night and struggle through the days ahead.
"It wasn’t just his life ended that morning, a part of our own left with him.
"I think of my mum and dad, as they wake up each day, parents of three children, except they don’t get to have three children there any more. Again why?
"The questions are never ending and the one person who can answer those questions, can’t."
Declan has called for improved waiting times and more funding for mental health services in Scotland so that other families are spared the "destruction" left behind by suicide.
He said: "Are we really accessible to care for the minds of people? The answer is no. An average person has to wait around six months for admission to a counsellor...six months!
"Do we ask physical illness to wait six months until we are ready to treat it? No, because those six months can truly be a matter of life and death.
"So why do we force a person with a disease of the mind to wait that long?"
"I know this is a lot to do with funding, but we can try to change that. We can raise these concerns with our government, raise awareness and force changes to be implemented."
Conor's mental health struggle came as a complete blow for loved ones, who say he "was never without a smile"
The goalkeeper, who played for Claremont FC in East Kilbride, was said to have been "life and soul of a party, an amazing goalkeeper and not short of admirers."
But brother Declan has warned of the perils of societal pressure on young men to put on a "front" and avoid seeking necessary help from medical professionals.
Well-wishers raise over £13,000 for funeral of tragic goalkeeper Conor Brown
He said: "The majority of suicides are male – again, why is this? And that’s because as a society we have forced men to be "men".
"That men don’t have any need to be sad, to feel low, because that makes you less of a man. So instead they keep up the front, they keep on being that man society wants them to be... to be like Conor was."
He continued: "We only push those feelings further down inside and let them get darker and darker until there is no other escape. How sad is that? It needs to change.
"We need to judge less and support more. Who knows? Maybe if those struggling can see us fighting for them, it may spur them to want to fight for themselves.
"We need to show anyone suffering in silence that we are here, we’ve got you, your not alone. You are worth it!
"If Conor's life could leave any imprint in the world. I want it to be that people realise the importance of asking those questions: 'Are you okay? Because it's okay if you're not.'
"We always say when someone passes away, that we will hug our loved ones tighter... do that. Break the stigma, let's talk about it. After all, we are all in this together."
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The Scottish Government has since admitted waiting times for mental health services are currently too long but has promised improvement in the next five years.
Mental Health Minister Maureen Watt said: “Prevention of suicide is a priority for the Scottish Government, and every suicide is a tragedy with a far-reaching impact on family, friends and the community long after a person has died.
“Last week I published our draft suicide prevention action plan, and I want to get the views of people affected by suicide and those delivering support on how it can be strengthened further.
"And this week we’ve seen the creation of a new HND course in counselling which will help improve access to talking therapies.
“Demand for mental health services is increasing as people become more aware of both mental health problems and of the care available, and as stigma reduces.
"Whilst in the last quarter the average wait for Psychological Therapies was seven weeks, there are too many people who are experiencing waits that are too long.
"That’s why we’ll continue to support the improvement of mental health services through our Mental Health Strategy, backed by £150million of additional investment over five years.”
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article you can call Samaritans on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org 24 hours a day.
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