Americas

  • United States

Asia

Just not as dangerous as stationery?

opinion
Mar 06, 20192 mins
IT Leadership

In which a safety auditor turns a blind eye to that thing stuck in the ceiling.

Flash back to the days of 5-1/4-inch floppy disks. Near the end of a very long day during which Murphy’s Law has been running out of control, pilot fish is backing up some files onto floppies. When his newly formatted floppy turns out to be defective, it’s the last straw; fish loses his cool, pulls the disk out of the drive, and sails it like a Frisbee across the office. The first bit of luck of the day is that it doesn’t hit anyone, but instead floats upwards and skims the ceiling until it hits a metal frame holding up the ceiling tiles. It gets stuck between the frame and the tile and stays there. 

Calling Facilities to bring a ladder would mean explaining what happened. Too much trouble and too embarrassing, fish decides. So the disk stays stuck, a visual reminder for fish to watch his temper.

It’s still there when the Building Safety auditors come through a few months later. They’re thorough, and fish’s group gets written up for everything, including a box of envelopes on top of a tall metal cabinet that the auditors fear could fall off and land on someone’s head. Ouch? So fish expects the worst when one of them glances up and sees that floppy disk. 

But after staring at it for a few seconds, the auditor moves on. The final report for the department never mentions it. Fish figures, “That auditor must have been thinking, There is a floppy disk stuck in the ceiling. Do I want to get involved in this situation? No, I don’t.”

For years afterwards, fish is able to glance up at that floppy disk whenever his temper is frayed and cool right off. And, he adds, “it also helped to reduce my fear of auditors. I guess they’re only human.” Sail your true tale of IT life Sharky’s way, at sharky@computerworld.com. You can also subscribe to the Daily Shark Newsletter and read some great old tales in the Sharkives.

sharky

Questions that Sharky gets a lot

Q: What's a pilot fish?

A: There are two answers to that question. One is the Mother Nature version: Pilot fish are small fish that swim just ahead of sharks. When the shark changes direction, so do the pilot fish. When you watch underwater video of it, it looks like the idea to change direction occurred simultaneously to shark and pilot fish.

Thing is, sharks go pretty much anywhere they want, eating pretty much whatever they want. They lunge and tear and snatch, but in so doing, leave plenty of smorgasbord for the nimble pilot fish.

The IT version: A pilot fish is someone who swims with the sharks of enterprise IT -- and lives to tell the tale. Just like in nature, a moment's inattention could end the pilot fish's career. That's life at the reef.

Q: Are all the Sharky stories true?

A: Yes, as best we can determine.

Q: Where do the Sharky tales come from?

A: From readers. Sharky just reads and rewrites and basks in the reflected glory of you, our readers. It is as that famous fish-friendly philosopher Spinoza said, "He that can carp in the most eloquent or acute manner at the weakness of the human mind is held by his fellows as almost divine."

Q: Do I have to write my story in Sharky-ese?

A: No. Not at all. Just be sure to give us details. What happened, to whom, what he said, what she said, how it all worked out. If Sharky likes your tale of perfidy, heroism or just plain weirdness at your IT shop, he will supply his particular brand of Shark snark.

Q: I've got a really funny story, but I could get fired if my old trout of a boss found out I told you. How confidential is what I send to Sharky?

A: We don't publish names: yours, your boss's, your trout's, your company's. We try to file off the serial numbers, though there's no absolute guarantee that someone who lived through the incident won't recognize himself. Our aim is to share the outrageous, knee-slapping, milk-squirting-out-your-nose funny tales that abound in the IT world, not to get you fired. That would not be funny.

Q: How do I get each new Shark Tank tale emailed to me?

Easy. Subscribe to the newsletter.

Q: Where are the Sharkives?

Tales of old can be found in Sharky's archive.