DWIL Nation
SIL convo; Inlaws Timeout. Whos in the wrong?
a
Posted 10-20-17
I have been a member on BBC in the past. I am returning with an anonymous account to share this text conversation I had with my SIL a few weeks ago. I'm not going to provide a lot of background because alot is explained in the conversation. Names have been changed. I've always had issues with my husband's family accepting me and treating me like family. They insist I'm the problem, DH disagrees and they have been on a TO since last Christmas. They say I control DH and that he was different before I came into the picture 6 years ago. I'll answer any specific questions.
This conversation started because SIL texted DH that she wanted pictures of DD even though she has me blocked on facebook, otherwise she would be able to see all the pictures of DD she wants. I decided to say something. I realize I am at fault here too and dont claim to be perfect, just for the record.
Now she has gone around saying to the family that I refuse to be a family with them when she stopped responding to me and everyone believes her. Is that really how I came across in the conversation?
Here goes:
Me: If you want pictures of my daughter, try unblocking her mother from Facebook so you can see them. We are a package deal, I'm sorry if that isnt what you want but thats the only option.
Her: Ok Eric (my DH) thanks
Me: This is Sarah(me), not Eric.
Her: Oh cuz I was texting Eric. Huh.. weird
Me: Yeah, we're married so we tell each other things.
Her: Ya I do that to 😊
Me: Awesome.
Her: Can Eric talk now?
Me: Hes at work. This is my phone. Text him. I dont stop him from talking. Thats his choice.
Her: Haha ya ok 👌
Me: Oh right, yeah hang on I've got him tied to the kitchen chair. Let me fix that so he can respond to you.
Her: Yes plz! And give him his balls back too
Me: Oh they're there, I can promise you that.
Me: You know its really a shame that you choose to be this way. I only ever wanted to be part of a real genuine family. We used to get along great and I considered you a friend. I've tried being genuine with all of you and I get apathy in return. It's clear that you and your sisters don't want anything to do with me and just want your brother and Julia(DD)and Jordan(DS) in your life. And its clear you all think I somehow control him and dont allow him to be part of your family. If you know Eric then you know he cant be controlled. Maybe instead of blaming me you should look in the mirror. Your brother is a good person and he would never turn his back on his family just because I told him to. He did that because of things you did and choices you made.
Her: We were friends! Then u start every message with 'did I offend' or 'way don't u like my things on FB' .. then u we're upset when I don't have time. It was never a friendly beginning. Right off the bat, u we're looking for 'u can tell me if u don't like me'... who says that? And they last time we txt u and Eric were both texting me while I was at work about a problem that was already solved... and u just wouldn't stop. Everything was fine! I don't understand you.
And now ur saying my sister are mean to u as well?? What did they do? Or my Grandmother? Or my Aunts or my cousins fiancé...??
Her: Where does this all come from? I feel like u start all of this so that it gives them a reason to stay away.. ur always saying about 'family' and that's why u moved here but then have a problem with it all. I know Eric is a great person. My mother raised us all to be great people and to respect on another. And I want more than anything to have our kids a relationship. But every time there is an invite. U never responded. So please tell me, what is it that I'm/everyone is doing wrong that makes u so mad at us?
Me: You're heavily exaggerating. In the beginning we were totally fine. Do you know when I first moved here Jason(DHs brother) and Alison(brothers wife) and your dad were all telling me about your baby shower and saying that I'd be going. So I wanted to make a good impression and decided to try to crochet you a baby blanket. It took me like 2 months because it was my first. I end up never getting an invitation and the day of the shower comes and Eric and I just sit at home while your dad and Jason even go to the shower. I felt totally humiliated and stupid for spending so much time doing that when you didnt bother to invite me. Alison even asked what I was getting you and made it sound like I was invited. And when I finally see you and give it to you, you said that you didnt think Id want to come because I didn't really know anyone. Thats the lamest excuse I've ever heard. And it really hurt my feelings. Who does THAT to their brothers fiance?
Yes I vented to you about your dad, I admit that. I was in a new place and I had no one to talk to and he was seriously horrible to live with. We talked regularly until Eric and I moved back here to be with YOU and have a family. No one came out to see us or even bothered to text us. You started to just not talk to me at all, say you were busy or whatever you want but I'm not stupid. You always made it seem like I was over reacting when I asked if things were ok. And you'd exaggerate what I was actually saying. Like I'd say that we never talked anymore and you'd say you had a job and kids and couldnt be expected to talk to me everyday. But I was never asking for that. You went from talking to me multiple times a week to talking to me once every 2 to 3 months. Thats not getting busy thats clearly distancing yourself from a person.
Pretend Im crazy all you want but thats a pretty clear message. You deliberately avoided every single facebook post I made for 6 months and you know it. Youre portraying it like you didnt like a couple of my posts and I went all psycho whining oh why dont you like me. Lets be real here. I'm not an idiot, I can pick up on subtle hints and I'm a direct person so I'm going to confront you and try to work it out. I dont like passive agggressive bullshit.
If the problem with Jordan was solved then why didnt you unblock me(Jordan has a lying issue and told her son that I said he wasnt allowed to play with him, which I didnt. Jordan has admitted he lied abd apologized.)? You tried to pretend like I was all dramatic over that and being immature about Facebook but who was it that brought that problem to Facebook in the first place? You immediately blocked me and said absolutely nothing. Is that mature? Your MIL sent me a nasty message without bothering to check if it was truth. But Im the psycho jerk here? Doesnt add up to me. You deliberately kept me blocked, we both know that. And I swear I never ever told Jordan he couldn't play with Liam. I would never hurt a child's feelings like that. Jordan wanted to apologize and you both wouldnt let him. He was very upset about that and still asks about Liam.
I dont understand why you all want to villianize me and act like I control your brother and Im some impossible to understand psycho person. Id love nothing more than to be part of a close family. But theres alot of passive aggressive crap that goes on that I wont tolerate. Your aunt marie finally sent a letter to us apologizing for the first time after 3 years for what she said to me. So now its fine. I wont be made to feel like an unreasonable crazy bitch just because I want an apology after someone was so horrible and nasty to me, i don't care who it is. Her behavior was unacceptable and alot of what she thought she knew came from Alison.
Emily (DHs middle sister) likes to say that i wouldn't let Eric have a facebook(DH got rid of facebook, apparently I made him do it). That I'm controlling him and won't let him be part of the family. Like he's incapable of making his own decisions. We have struggled with the decision to stay away from everyone. Its been incredibly difficult. But its better than dealing with all this shit. I've never been welcomed into the family and I think thats clear. And im so tired of it being thrown in my face that we dont come to stuff.
You know why we dont come to stuff? Im actually really sick with a serious disease. Its not made up, im not exaggerating it. I literally lost my eyesight the day of Amy's(her dd) 2nd birthday party and couldnt go. Dealing with your family stresses me out so bad I go into flares. It makes me sick, literally. And I've told mutliple people this before including you and no one says a word. Like its just a lame excuse and Im making it up. I literally cant stand for long periods of time without passing out. I physically cannot deal with the stress it causes to be around all of you at get togethers, it causes my symptoms to exacerbate. Ive really tried and put in effort and I feel like no one wants to talk to me. Ive invited emily and jennifer(dhs younger sister) over. They both say yeah we should do that and then I never hear from them. What exactly am I supposed to think? It hurts my feelings that Jennifer hangs out with Christine(Dhs brothers GF of 1 yr) and says she loves her because I never even got a chance to get to know her. When i first met you guys she wouldnt even speak to me and shes said its because Eric seemed different. No one showed interest in getting to know me or asked me anything about myself. Thats not a very welcoming environment. I even tried to insert myself into conversations and I've been ignored or given the cold shoulder. Im not making this stuff up. Its just so subtle its easy to make excuses.
FTR, I dont hate any of you. Im just very hurt that things have turned out this way and i feel very misunderstood. And when i try to explain myself I'm made to feel immature or like I'm overreacting. I still dont know any of you and its been over 4 years.
Her: I was not in charge of the baby shower invites. And that was Amy's favorite blanket and still is.
Yes, my dads a pain. I didn't care that u vented to me about that. Yes we talked a lot and it was great, then I had 2 babies under 2. It's actually really hard.
I hate FB and all its problems that's why I've kept it off.
I was not upset about Jordan at all he's a very good kid. There was never a problem. And u guys were invited to come to Liams bday and the boys were going to talk then.. but u didn't come. Yes Liam still ask about him too. We were actually on our way to the zoo and he ask me to pick him up.
Me: So then what was the real reason I wasnt invited? Who was in charge?
You started talking to me less when you were pregnant with Wyatt, it was before you had w under 2.
You're still on facebook and active so idk what that even means. We didnt come to Liams party because it seemed like you were still upset despite what you said, and your MIL unfriended me and wouldnt respond to my message after we had straightened things out and she was fine so im going to go ahead and assume something was said to her and she would not welcome me at any birthday parties she was present at. Like I said, I cant physically handle the stress of being at these get togethers when I know people dislike me.
Somehow all this facebook crap is my fault but you all are the ones who keep starting everything on facebook. It blows my mind.
Her: Do u understand I was extremely busy when I was pregnant with Wyatt. And stressed out and constantly worried that I was going to lose him. I was working full time and when I wasn't working I was traveling to (Local city) twice a week to get titers checked.
Yes I still have FB but no one else judges me on it. If I don't like their pictures, they don't care
Then stop blaming the boys problems on me. We invited u all here..
I read my MIL message to u and it wasn't mean at all. That's her baby and she was upset
Have you seen a dr about ur MS?
Me: No I didnt know you were stressed about losing Wyatt because you stopped talking to me. Are you really trying to say you started completely avoiding me because you were busy?
Idk what to tell you about facebook. Im tired of repeating myself. You're downplaying what ive already expressed multiple times. I wasnt upset that you didnt like a few pictures or posts or whatever. I was literally dead to you on facebook for over 6 months. Tell me that was not intentional.
She was rude. Considering she didnt know if it was even true. And now she wont speak to me at all so you clearly told her something. Why would I go to a party where shes there when i know she doesnt like me?
Yes I've seen many doctors.
Her: I've had 3 different things typed up. But it's obviously not going to go anywhere but in a circle. It's clearly not me that doesn't want a relationship, it's the both of u. U just want let anything go. And now I've lost my closest brother.
Me: If thats what you want to believe theres nothing I can do to change that.
Her: Obviously
Me: It doesn't have to be this hard or complicated. All we want is to be treated like actual family.
Her: ya me too. If u treated us like family we'd treat u like family
Me: You have me blocked. How is that treating me like family
Her: and you have my sisters blocked
Me: No I dont. I unfriended them after Emily reminded me that Facebook doesnt matter and accused me of not "letting" Eric have a facebook.
Her: Why is everything revolving around facebook?
Me: probably because thats the only way any of us interact.
Her: Not really. It just seems to be causing fights
Me: We didnt really interact with any of you any other way other than a get together every couple months. When you blocked me that meant no more pictures of Amy and Wyatt and Liam. Its not like we all see each other much even when we were going to stuff. So that was the only way we saw them.
This conversation started because SIL texted DH that she wanted pictures of DD even though she has me blocked on facebook, otherwise she would be able to see all the pictures of DD she wants. I decided to say something. I realize I am at fault here too and dont claim to be perfect, just for the record.
Now she has gone around saying to the family that I refuse to be a family with them when she stopped responding to me and everyone believes her. Is that really how I came across in the conversation?
Here goes:
Me: If you want pictures of my daughter, try unblocking her mother from Facebook so you can see them. We are a package deal, I'm sorry if that isnt what you want but thats the only option.
Her: Ok Eric (my DH) thanks
Me: This is Sarah(me), not Eric.
Her: Oh cuz I was texting Eric. Huh.. weird
Me: Yeah, we're married so we tell each other things.
Her: Ya I do that to 😊
Me: Awesome.
Her: Can Eric talk now?
Me: Hes at work. This is my phone. Text him. I dont stop him from talking. Thats his choice.
Her: Haha ya ok 👌
Me: Oh right, yeah hang on I've got him tied to the kitchen chair. Let me fix that so he can respond to you.
Her: Yes plz! And give him his balls back too
Me: Oh they're there, I can promise you that.
Me: You know its really a shame that you choose to be this way. I only ever wanted to be part of a real genuine family. We used to get along great and I considered you a friend. I've tried being genuine with all of you and I get apathy in return. It's clear that you and your sisters don't want anything to do with me and just want your brother and Julia(DD)and Jordan(DS) in your life. And its clear you all think I somehow control him and dont allow him to be part of your family. If you know Eric then you know he cant be controlled. Maybe instead of blaming me you should look in the mirror. Your brother is a good person and he would never turn his back on his family just because I told him to. He did that because of things you did and choices you made.
Her: We were friends! Then u start every message with 'did I offend' or 'way don't u like my things on FB' .. then u we're upset when I don't have time. It was never a friendly beginning. Right off the bat, u we're looking for 'u can tell me if u don't like me'... who says that? And they last time we txt u and Eric were both texting me while I was at work about a problem that was already solved... and u just wouldn't stop. Everything was fine! I don't understand you.
And now ur saying my sister are mean to u as well?? What did they do? Or my Grandmother? Or my Aunts or my cousins fiancé...??
Her: Where does this all come from? I feel like u start all of this so that it gives them a reason to stay away.. ur always saying about 'family' and that's why u moved here but then have a problem with it all. I know Eric is a great person. My mother raised us all to be great people and to respect on another. And I want more than anything to have our kids a relationship. But every time there is an invite. U never responded. So please tell me, what is it that I'm/everyone is doing wrong that makes u so mad at us?
Me: You're heavily exaggerating. In the beginning we were totally fine. Do you know when I first moved here Jason(DHs brother) and Alison(brothers wife) and your dad were all telling me about your baby shower and saying that I'd be going. So I wanted to make a good impression and decided to try to crochet you a baby blanket. It took me like 2 months because it was my first. I end up never getting an invitation and the day of the shower comes and Eric and I just sit at home while your dad and Jason even go to the shower. I felt totally humiliated and stupid for spending so much time doing that when you didnt bother to invite me. Alison even asked what I was getting you and made it sound like I was invited. And when I finally see you and give it to you, you said that you didnt think Id want to come because I didn't really know anyone. Thats the lamest excuse I've ever heard. And it really hurt my feelings. Who does THAT to their brothers fiance?
Yes I vented to you about your dad, I admit that. I was in a new place and I had no one to talk to and he was seriously horrible to live with. We talked regularly until Eric and I moved back here to be with YOU and have a family. No one came out to see us or even bothered to text us. You started to just not talk to me at all, say you were busy or whatever you want but I'm not stupid. You always made it seem like I was over reacting when I asked if things were ok. And you'd exaggerate what I was actually saying. Like I'd say that we never talked anymore and you'd say you had a job and kids and couldnt be expected to talk to me everyday. But I was never asking for that. You went from talking to me multiple times a week to talking to me once every 2 to 3 months. Thats not getting busy thats clearly distancing yourself from a person.
Pretend Im crazy all you want but thats a pretty clear message. You deliberately avoided every single facebook post I made for 6 months and you know it. Youre portraying it like you didnt like a couple of my posts and I went all psycho whining oh why dont you like me. Lets be real here. I'm not an idiot, I can pick up on subtle hints and I'm a direct person so I'm going to confront you and try to work it out. I dont like passive agggressive bullshit.
If the problem with Jordan was solved then why didnt you unblock me(Jordan has a lying issue and told her son that I said he wasnt allowed to play with him, which I didnt. Jordan has admitted he lied abd apologized.)? You tried to pretend like I was all dramatic over that and being immature about Facebook but who was it that brought that problem to Facebook in the first place? You immediately blocked me and said absolutely nothing. Is that mature? Your MIL sent me a nasty message without bothering to check if it was truth. But Im the psycho jerk here? Doesnt add up to me. You deliberately kept me blocked, we both know that. And I swear I never ever told Jordan he couldn't play with Liam. I would never hurt a child's feelings like that. Jordan wanted to apologize and you both wouldnt let him. He was very upset about that and still asks about Liam.
I dont understand why you all want to villianize me and act like I control your brother and Im some impossible to understand psycho person. Id love nothing more than to be part of a close family. But theres alot of passive aggressive crap that goes on that I wont tolerate. Your aunt marie finally sent a letter to us apologizing for the first time after 3 years for what she said to me. So now its fine. I wont be made to feel like an unreasonable crazy bitch just because I want an apology after someone was so horrible and nasty to me, i don't care who it is. Her behavior was unacceptable and alot of what she thought she knew came from Alison.
Emily (DHs middle sister) likes to say that i wouldn't let Eric have a facebook(DH got rid of facebook, apparently I made him do it). That I'm controlling him and won't let him be part of the family. Like he's incapable of making his own decisions. We have struggled with the decision to stay away from everyone. Its been incredibly difficult. But its better than dealing with all this shit. I've never been welcomed into the family and I think thats clear. And im so tired of it being thrown in my face that we dont come to stuff.
You know why we dont come to stuff? Im actually really sick with a serious disease. Its not made up, im not exaggerating it. I literally lost my eyesight the day of Amy's(her dd) 2nd birthday party and couldnt go. Dealing with your family stresses me out so bad I go into flares. It makes me sick, literally. And I've told mutliple people this before including you and no one says a word. Like its just a lame excuse and Im making it up. I literally cant stand for long periods of time without passing out. I physically cannot deal with the stress it causes to be around all of you at get togethers, it causes my symptoms to exacerbate. Ive really tried and put in effort and I feel like no one wants to talk to me. Ive invited emily and jennifer(dhs younger sister) over. They both say yeah we should do that and then I never hear from them. What exactly am I supposed to think? It hurts my feelings that Jennifer hangs out with Christine(Dhs brothers GF of 1 yr) and says she loves her because I never even got a chance to get to know her. When i first met you guys she wouldnt even speak to me and shes said its because Eric seemed different. No one showed interest in getting to know me or asked me anything about myself. Thats not a very welcoming environment. I even tried to insert myself into conversations and I've been ignored or given the cold shoulder. Im not making this stuff up. Its just so subtle its easy to make excuses.
FTR, I dont hate any of you. Im just very hurt that things have turned out this way and i feel very misunderstood. And when i try to explain myself I'm made to feel immature or like I'm overreacting. I still dont know any of you and its been over 4 years.
Her: I was not in charge of the baby shower invites. And that was Amy's favorite blanket and still is.
Yes, my dads a pain. I didn't care that u vented to me about that. Yes we talked a lot and it was great, then I had 2 babies under 2. It's actually really hard.
I hate FB and all its problems that's why I've kept it off.
I was not upset about Jordan at all he's a very good kid. There was never a problem. And u guys were invited to come to Liams bday and the boys were going to talk then.. but u didn't come. Yes Liam still ask about him too. We were actually on our way to the zoo and he ask me to pick him up.
Me: So then what was the real reason I wasnt invited? Who was in charge?
You started talking to me less when you were pregnant with Wyatt, it was before you had w under 2.
You're still on facebook and active so idk what that even means. We didnt come to Liams party because it seemed like you were still upset despite what you said, and your MIL unfriended me and wouldnt respond to my message after we had straightened things out and she was fine so im going to go ahead and assume something was said to her and she would not welcome me at any birthday parties she was present at. Like I said, I cant physically handle the stress of being at these get togethers when I know people dislike me.
Somehow all this facebook crap is my fault but you all are the ones who keep starting everything on facebook. It blows my mind.
Her: Do u understand I was extremely busy when I was pregnant with Wyatt. And stressed out and constantly worried that I was going to lose him. I was working full time and when I wasn't working I was traveling to (Local city) twice a week to get titers checked.
Yes I still have FB but no one else judges me on it. If I don't like their pictures, they don't care
Then stop blaming the boys problems on me. We invited u all here..
I read my MIL message to u and it wasn't mean at all. That's her baby and she was upset
Have you seen a dr about ur MS?
Me: No I didnt know you were stressed about losing Wyatt because you stopped talking to me. Are you really trying to say you started completely avoiding me because you were busy?
Idk what to tell you about facebook. Im tired of repeating myself. You're downplaying what ive already expressed multiple times. I wasnt upset that you didnt like a few pictures or posts or whatever. I was literally dead to you on facebook for over 6 months. Tell me that was not intentional.
She was rude. Considering she didnt know if it was even true. And now she wont speak to me at all so you clearly told her something. Why would I go to a party where shes there when i know she doesnt like me?
Yes I've seen many doctors.
Her: I've had 3 different things typed up. But it's obviously not going to go anywhere but in a circle. It's clearly not me that doesn't want a relationship, it's the both of u. U just want let anything go. And now I've lost my closest brother.
Me: If thats what you want to believe theres nothing I can do to change that.
Her: Obviously
Me: It doesn't have to be this hard or complicated. All we want is to be treated like actual family.
Her: ya me too. If u treated us like family we'd treat u like family
Me: You have me blocked. How is that treating me like family
Her: and you have my sisters blocked
Me: No I dont. I unfriended them after Emily reminded me that Facebook doesnt matter and accused me of not "letting" Eric have a facebook.
Her: Why is everything revolving around facebook?
Me: probably because thats the only way any of us interact.
Her: Not really. It just seems to be causing fights
Me: We didnt really interact with any of you any other way other than a get together every couple months. When you blocked me that meant no more pictures of Amy and Wyatt and Liam. Its not like we all see each other much even when we were going to stuff. So that was the only way we saw them.
120 comments
Posted 10-20-17What a mess. Too much drama on both sides. From now on your only responses to her should be, "here is dh's phone number, contact him." Or just bh.- iPosted 10-20-17I feel like you're the one causing all the drama. Your sister-in-law accidentally texted you instead of your husband asking to see your daughter. You shut her down pretty perfectly. Then you launched into complaining about how she doesn't treat you like faaaaamily. The fact is, she is not your family, and you are not entitled to have a relationship with her of any kind. The other side of that, though, is that she doesn't get to have any contact with your kids.
I'd say double down, and make sure your husband reinforces that she can't see your kids unless she works on her relationship with you, and let her (as an adult) make her own decision whether she wants to do that. Then respect it, and back off. Enjoy your family, and get some friends of your own that aren't related to you or your husband. Good luck, OP! 
Posted 10-20-17Wow, holy drama! I'll be honest, I only made it about half way through those text exchanges. Why are you sending like whole novel length texts to her? It all seems very immature and I don't know who's wrong just based off your post, but it seems you have at least half the blame.Advertisement | page continues below
SkullandWishbonesInactivePosted 10-20-17I see a lot of hurt feelings going on here.
Hollywood has taught us that with the right words we can turn anything around. Unfortunately, real life demonstrates that this is false time and time again.
There is nothing you can say that will convince your SIL of your rightness. And a lot of what you sent her is burn letter material. If you feel better having got it off your chest then I’m glad it helped you feel better, but I doubt it will influence any change in how SIL or that side of the family see you.
You probably should have ended the text string at this point:
Her: Yes plz! And give him his balls back too
Me: Oh they're there, I can promise you that.
And then just messaged DH to tell him his sister is being a PITA again.
Posted 10-20-17What a drama-filled mess. I got a sense of REAL ANGER from you from the beginning. I think you might do better to let this sit for a while, when you're not so angry about it.
I don't know who is right or wrong or if you both share the blame in this, but I wish you well and peace. Good luck
Posted 10-20-17Op just stop. Stop with the Facebook. I would block you too. You are way too obsessed with Facebook. Just drop the rope. She doesn't need to be your bff. Find other people to be friends with. It really way too much and you are looking for shit to stir.
Posted 10-20-17I think I need a drink after reading that.
It may be them, but those novel-length messages make it seem like it's you.
From what I can gather, SIL invited you to her son's birthday party but you decided not to go because her MIL would be there and you assumed MIL wouldn't want you there? It seems like you want them to chase you, and it seems like everyone else finds your drama exhausting.
At this point, you've explained your position and she's explained hers. If you truly want a relationship with them, it might be time for a reset. If not, then just move on...but stop expecting them to chase you!
Posted 10-20-17Damn, dude. Grow up. People are allowed to not like you. People are allowed to have opinions about you.
The way YOU handle it, is the only thing you control, and right now you're coming off as controlling and enmeshed.
Obsessing over Facebook and demanding more get togethers so you can feel like faaaaamily would irritate the hell out of me too.
Sounds like she took a step back because you were smothering her and bitching about not getting enough attention.- PosimpableInactivePosted 10-20-17You need to stop sending novels. And stop reading too much into Facebook. It kinda seems like you’re screaming “why don’t you loooooove me?!”
I agree with pp, the text exchange up to dh still has his balls was perfect. It should have stopped there. 
Posted 10-20-17Standard C&P
SIL convo; Inlaws Timeout. Whos in the wrong?
Anonymously175
Posted 27 mins ago
I have been a member on BBC in the past. I am returning with an anonymous account to share this text conversation I had with my SIL a few weeks ago. I'm not going to provide a lot of background because alot is explained in the conversation. Names have been changed. I've always had issues with my husband's family accepting me and treating me like family. They insist I'm the problem, DH disagrees and they have been on a TO since last Christmas. They say I control DH and that he was different before I came into the picture 6 years ago. I'll answer any specific questions.
This conversation started because SIL texted DH that she wanted pictures of DD even though she has me blocked on facebook, otherwise she would be able to see all the pictures of DD she wants. I decided to say something. I realize I am at fault here too and dont claim to be perfect, just for the record.
Now she has gone around saying to the family that I refuse to be a family with them when she stopped responding to me and everyone believes her. Is that really how I came across in the conversation?
Here goes:
Me: If you want pictures of my daughter, try unblocking her mother from Facebook so you can see them. We are a package deal, I'm sorry if that isnt what you want but thats the only option.
Her: Ok Eric (my DH) thanks
Me: This is Sarah(me), not Eric.
Her: Oh cuz I was texting Eric. Huh.. weird
Me: Yeah, we're married so we tell each other things.
Her: Ya I do that to 😊
Me: Awesome.
Her: Can Eric talk now?
Me: Hes at work. This is my phone. Text him. I dont stop him from talking. Thats his choice.
Her: Haha ya ok 👌
Me: Oh right, yeah hang on I've got him tied to the kitchen chair. Let me fix that so he can respond to you.
Her: Yes plz! And give him his balls back too
Me: Oh they're there, I can promise you that.
Me: You know its really a shame that you choose to be this way. I only ever wanted to be part of a real genuine family. We used to get along great and I considered you a friend. I've tried being genuine with all of you and I get apathy in return. It's clear that you and your sisters don't want anything to do with me and just want your brother and Julia(DD)and Jordan(DS) in your life. And its clear you all think I somehow control him and dont allow him to be part of your family. If you know Eric then you know he cant be controlled. Maybe instead of blaming me you should look in the mirror. Your brother is a good person and he would never turn his back on his family just because I told him to. He did that because of things you did and choices you made.
Her: We were friends! Then u start every message with 'did I offend' or 'way don't u like my things on FB' .. then u we're upset when I don't have time. It was never a friendly beginning. Right off the bat, u we're looking for 'u can tell me if u don't like me'... who says that? And they last time we txt u and Eric were both texting me while I was at work about a problem that was already solved... and u just wouldn't stop. Everything was fine! I don't understand you.
And now ur saying my sister are mean to u as well?? What did they do? Or my Grandmother? Or my Aunts or my cousins fiancé...??
Her: Where does this all come from? I feel like u start all of this so that it gives them a reason to stay away.. ur always saying about 'family' and that's why u moved here but then have a problem with it all. I know Eric is a great person. My mother raised us all to be great people and to respect on another. And I want more than anything to have our kids a relationship. But every time there is an invite. U never responded. So please tell me, what is it that I'm/everyone is doing wrong that makes u so mad at us?
Me: You're heavily exaggerating. In the beginning we were totally fine. Do you know when I first moved here Jason(DHs brother) and Alison(brothers wife) and your dad were all telling me about your baby shower and saying that I'd be going. So I wanted to make a good impression and decided to try to crochet you a baby blanket. It took me like 2 months because it was my first. I end up never getting an invitation and the day of the shower comes and Eric and I just sit at home while your dad and Jason even go to the shower. I felt totally humiliated and stupid for spending so much time doing that when you didnt bother to invite me. Alison even asked what I was getting you and made it sound like I was invited. And when I finally see you and give it to you, you said that you didnt think Id want to come because I didn't really know anyone. Thats the lamest excuse I've ever heard. And it really hurt my feelings. Who does THAT to their brothers fiance?
Yes I vented to you about your dad, I admit that. I was in a new place and I had no one to talk to and he was seriously horrible to live with. We talked regularly until Eric and I moved back here to be with YOU and have a family. No one came out to see us or even bothered to text us. You started to just not talk to me at all, say you were busy or whatever you want but I'm not stupid. You always made it seem like I was over reacting when I asked if things were ok. And you'd exaggerate what I was actually saying. Like I'd say that we never talked anymore and you'd say you had a job and kids and couldnt be expected to talk to me everyday. But I was never asking for that. You went from talking to me multiple times a week to talking to me once every 2 to 3 months. Thats not getting busy thats clearly distancing yourself from a person.
Pretend Im crazy all you want but thats a pretty clear message. You deliberately avoided every single facebook post I made for 6 months and you know it. Youre portraying it like you didnt like a couple of my posts and I went all psycho whining oh why dont you like me. Lets be real here. I'm not an idiot, I can pick up on subtle hints and I'm a direct person so I'm going to confront you and try to work it out. I dont like passive agggressive bullshit.
If the problem with Jordan was solved then why didnt you unblock me(Jordan has a lying issue and told her son that I said he wasnt allowed to play with him, which I didnt. Jordan has admitted he lied abd apologized.)? You tried to pretend like I was all dramatic over that and being immature about Facebook but who was it that brought that problem to Facebook in the first place? You immediately blocked me and said absolutely nothing. Is that mature? Your MIL sent me a nasty message without bothering to check if it was truth. But Im the psycho jerk here? Doesnt add up to me. You deliberately kept me blocked, we both know that. And I swear I never ever told Jordan he couldn't play with Liam. I would never hurt a child's feelings like that. Jordan wanted to apologize and you both wouldnt let him. He was very upset about that and still asks about Liam.
I dont understand why you all want to villianize me and act like I control your brother and Im some impossible to understand psycho person. Id love nothing more than to be part of a close family. But theres alot of passive aggressive crap that goes on that I wont tolerate. Your aunt marie finally sent a letter to us apologizing for the first time after 3 years for what she said to me. So now its fine. I wont be made to feel like an unreasonable crazy bitch just because I want an apology after someone was so horrible and nasty to me, i don't care who it is. Her behavior was unacceptable and alot of what she thought she knew came from Alison.
Emily (DHs middle sister) likes to say that i wouldn't let Eric have a facebook(DH got rid of facebook, apparently I made him do it). That I'm controlling him and won't let him be part of the family. Like he's incapable of making his own decisions. We have struggled with the decision to stay away from everyone. Its been incredibly difficult. But its better than dealing with all this shit. I've never been welcomed into the family and I think thats clear. And im so tired of it being thrown in my face that we dont come to stuff.
You know why we dont come to stuff? Im actually really sick with a serious disease. Its not made up, im not exaggerating it. I literally lost my eyesight the day of Amy's(her dd) 2nd birthday party and couldnt go. Dealing with your family stresses me out so bad I go into flares. It makes me sick, literally. And I've told mutliple people this before including you and no one says a word. Like its just a lame excuse and Im making it up. I literally cant stand for long periods of time without passing out. I physically cannot deal with the stress it causes to be around all of you at get togethers, it causes my symptoms to exacerbate. Ive really tried and put in effort and I feel like no one wants to talk to me. Ive invited emily and jennifer(dhs younger sister) over. They both say yeah we should do that and then I never hear from them. What exactly am I supposed to think? It hurts my feelings that Jennifer hangs out with Christine(Dhs brothers GF of 1 yr) and says she loves her because I never even got a chance to get to know her. When i first met you guys she wouldnt even speak to me and shes said its because Eric seemed different. No one showed interest in getting to know me or asked me anything about myself. Thats not a very welcoming environment. I even tried to insert myself into conversations and I've been ignored or given the cold shoulder. Im not making this stuff up. Its just so subtle its easy to make excuses.
FTR, I dont hate any of you. Im just very hurt that things have turned out this way and i feel very misunderstood. And when i try to explain myself I'm made to feel immature or like I'm overreacting. I still dont know any of you and its been over 4 years.
Her: I was not in charge of the baby shower invites. And that was Amy's favorite blanket and still is.
Yes, my dads a pain. I didn't care that u vented to me about that. Yes we talked a lot and it was great, then I had 2 babies under 2. It's actually really hard.
I hate FB and all its problems that's why I've kept it off.
I was not upset about Jordan at all he's a very good kid. There was never a problem. And u guys were invited to come to Liams bday and the boys were going to talk then.. but u didn't come. Yes Liam still ask about him too. We were actually on our way to the zoo and he ask me to pick him up.
Me: So then what was the real reason I wasnt invited? Who was in charge?
You started talking to me less when you were pregnant with Wyatt, it was before you had w under 2.
You're still on facebook and active so idk what that even means. We didnt come to Liams party because it seemed like you were still upset despite what you said, and your MIL unfriended me and wouldnt respond to my message after we had straightened things out and she was fine so im going to go ahead and assume something was said to her and she would not welcome me at any birthday parties she was present at. Like I said, I cant physically handle the stress of being at these get togethers when I know people dislike me.
Somehow all this facebook crap is my fault but you all are the ones who keep starting everything on facebook. It blows my mind.
Her: Do u understand I was extremely busy when I was pregnant with Wyatt. And stressed out and constantly worried that I was going to lose him. I was working full time and when I wasn't working I was traveling to (Local city) twice a week to get titers checked.
Yes I still have FB but no one else judges me on it. If I don't like their pictures, they don't care
Then stop blaming the boys problems on me. We invited u all here..
I read my MIL message to u and it wasn't mean at all. That's her baby and she was upset
Have you seen a dr about ur MS?
Me: No I didnt know you were stressed about losing Wyatt because you stopped talking to me. Are you really trying to say you started completely avoiding me because you were busy?
Idk what to tell you about facebook. Im tired of repeating myself. You're downplaying what ive already expressed multiple times. I wasnt upset that you didnt like a few pictures or posts or whatever. I was literally dead to you on facebook for over 6 months. Tell me that was not intentional.
She was rude. Considering she didnt know if it was even true. And now she wont speak to me at all so you clearly told her something. Why would I go to a party where shes there when i know she doesnt like me?
Yes I've seen many doctors.
Her: I've had 3 different things typed up. But it's obviously not going to go anywhere but in a circle. It's clearly not me that doesn't want a relationship, it's the both of u. U just want let anything go. And now I've lost my closest brother.
Me: If thats what you want to believe theres nothing I can do to change that.
Her: Obviously
Me: It doesn't have to be this hard or complicated. All we want is to be treated like actual family.
Her: ya me too. If u treated us like family we'd treat u like family
Me: You have me blocked. How is that treating me like family
Her: and you have my sisters blocked
Me: No I dont. I unfriended them after Emily reminded me that Facebook doesnt matter and accused me of not "letting" Eric have a facebook.
Her: Why is everything revolving around facebook?
Me: probably because thats the only way any of us interact.
Her: Not really. It just seems to be causing fights
Me: We didnt really interact with any of you any other way other than a get together every couple months. When you blocked me that meant no more pictures of Amy and Wyatt and Liam. Its not like we all see each other much even when we were going to stuff. So that was the only way we saw them.
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