Lady Antebellum, Arcade Fire and Eminem Win Big at the Grammys

D.I.: Jon, apparently you were so overwhelmed by that Arcade Fire victory that it knocked you off the Internet.
J.C.: I didn’t want you to see me weeping.
D.I.: It was a nice surprise for those crazy Canadian kids and their morose fixations. I wish them the best.
J.C.: I prefer my Canadians more chipper. Honestly, the Arcade Fire win felt like a concession to rock in a year of bet hedging.
D.I.: To offset all the Lady Antebellum victories?
J.C.: The voters covered all the bases this year without anointing any one artist or sound (apart from “Need You Now,” obvs).
D.I.: I think people were expecting a three-way split in the major categories, though I don’t think very many anticipated it would shake out like this.
J.C.: Maybe Arcade Fire was the inevitable choice – it gave voters an opportunity to not vote for hip-hop, to not vote for country, to not vote for pop. Could have been anyone else.
D.I.: The Marisa Tomei of the Grammys? They won because they weren’t everybody else?
J.C.: They won because bitter Grammy voters cling to rock.
D.I.: Setting aside the actual awards – which everyone will do by tomorrow afternoon – there were some great surprises on the show: the vitality of Mick Jagger’s performance; Esperanza Spalding nabbing the best new artist award; Kanye’s tweets. Any favorite moments for you?
J.C.: I loved Jagger and Babs. Thought Eminem looked as focused as he has in years. And even if Lady Antebellum is aggressively mediocre, that song is undeniable. Also, JAZZ.
D.I.: Anyone who missed Kathy Griffin at the pre-telecast awards truly missed the best part of the show.
J.C.: I suppose the night’s spread is a victory for … diversity?
D.I.: Also, Canada. And the future. Until next year (or the “American Idol” finale), Jon..
J.C.: I’m going to tell you like Usher told Bieber: If we’re destined to meet again, it’ll happen. Now get out of this parking lot!

D.I.: Babs and Kris are back to announce the winner of album of the year. And the Grammy goes to: “The Suburbs” by Arcade Fire.

J.C.: I’d been really nervous for rock tonight, but wow, is my faith restored. O Canada!
D.I.: That’s a bit of a shocker. A French acceptance speech at an American awards show?
J.C.: They’re making Arcade Fire play another song in exchange for all the seats they needed. Let’s hear it for NAFTA! Next year, Los Tigres del Norte!
D.I.: Via Twitter: @hipsterrunoff – Congratulations Arcade Fire. You won indie. You won mainstream. Tonight is ur nite.
J.C.: Arcade Fire immediately set about undermining the Grammy committee with this encore performance.
D.I.: From his bunker, Neil Portnow strokes his beard with satisfaction.
J.C.: Quel dommage!
D.I.: Via Twitter: @arcadefire – OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. Thank you EVERYONE.

Kanye West via Twitter: #Arcade fire!!!!!!!!!! There is hope!!! I feel like we all won when something like this happens!

D.I.: And now the guy from the Judd Apatow movies who IS on CBS -Jason Segel introduces Arcade Fire.
J.C.: If Arcade Fire doesn’t win anything after the Bieber and Drake New Artist shutout, Canada will invade.

D.I.: Do they get anything for inducing seizures in home viewers?
J.C.: Vampire Weekend is so heated right now. Decemberists crossing fingers for next year. It’s like “TV Party” took over the Grammys.
D.I.: There are bikers racing around their stage for some reason. It’s a terrible idea, unless Spike Jonze thought of it, in which case it’s genius.
J.C.: For Portland, dude.
D.I.: The dream of the 90s is alive in Arcade Fire.
J.C.: But seriously, now I know why my dinner delivery is late.
D.I.: Ooh, which two stars will reunite to present album of the year? I hope it’s Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin!

D.I.: And here they are, Mr. and Mrs. Personality, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez. They’re introducing the nominees for Record of the Year. And the Lady Antebellum prize goes to: “Need You Now,” by Lady Antebellum.
J.C.: Countdown to B.o.B/Lady Antebellum collaboration……produced by Bruno Mars
…featuring Bubba Sparxxx

D.I.: Might there be a think piece about how the interests of Grammy voters are totally divergent from the interests of Grammy viewers?
J.C.: : I’ll just cut and paste the one from last year.

D.I.: So now he’s Puff Daddy again? Is he also back to dating J-Lo?
J.C.: Appropriately, he’s introducing Rihanna and Drake performing “What’s My Name.” Rihanna looks a lot happier genuinely being into Drake than fake hating Eminem.
D.I.: I think she might bring back the Mayans by the time this number is over.
J.C.: This is turning into that Shakira World Cup song.
D.I.: It’s important to be reminded of how music was created to get us to gather around warm fires.
J.C.: Again with the Tahrir jokes, Dave?

D.I.: Dang, even will.i.iam is like, girl, what are you wearing?
J.C.: Oooooh, good “Inception” joke, will.i.am #burn
D.I.: And the Grammy for best rap album goes to: “Recovery,” Eminem. Thus solving the Detroit crisis. Better luck next year, Insane Clown Posse.

J.C.: Grammys, how do they work?

D.I.: Here we go. Jeff Bridges – I mean, Kris Kristofferson out to introduce the one, the only Barbra. Ms. Streisand, if you’re nasty.
J.C.: Did they date?
D.I.: Are you not familiar with a little picture called “A Star Is Born?”
J.C.: Well there you go.
D.I.: We’re all learning things tonight.
J.C.: I’d like to take this opportunity to say hello to my mother, who’s definitely watching this performance and not this live-blog right now.

D.I.: All the teens wiping away their Bieber-tears are comforted by the gentle presence of that lady from “Little Fockers.”
J.C.: Can’t wait for Travis Barker to come out mid-song and just kill it.

D.I.: Neither here nor there, but lotta people upset that Guru wasn’t in the memoriam tribute.
J.C.: It’s a serious oversight for sure, though perhaps not unexpected. Here’s his obit.

Via Twitter: @kanyewest: Mick Jagger is crazy fresh!!! #OGSWAG

Lucy Nicholson/Reuters Mick Jagger performs “Everybody Needs Someone to Love”at the Grammys.

D.I.: Oh, wait, Mick Jagger sneaked into the middle of the in memoriam? Putting Jimmy Fallon’s impression of him to shame! via Twitter: @jakefogelnest Pretty cool to see Mick Jagger but where’s Jim Belushi and John Goodman?

J.C: Mick killing it, hoping for a job judging “The X Factor.”
D.I.: From your lips to Cowell’s ears.
J.C.: Mick Jagger >>>>>>>
D.I.: Somebody in the 11,000th row at Staples Center is like, OMG, he just pointed at me. That was outstanding. He brought it.
J.C.: An actual phenomenal performance by Jagger, who maybe thinks the Grammys are a relevant show.
D.I.: He should only play this thing once every career. That’s the secret. via Twitter: @tannenbaumr – Ke$ha: “This is Mick Jagger? I take it all back.”

D.I.: They pulled Matthew Morrison out of bed just to introduce Neil Portnow?
J.C.: Portnow’s spoken word is just so in the pocket.
D.I.: He somehow got Esperanza Spalding to back him up. He’s got swag.
J.C.: #swag

D.I.: the Grammy Award goes to Esperanza Spalding!

J.C.: I honestly thought Esperanza Spalding was Willow Smith.
D.I.: Jon Caramanica, do you believe in miracles???
J.C.: I believe in jazz.
D.I.: OK, Justin Bieber, now you can say never.
J.C.: Countdown to Drake/Esperanza collaboration…
D.I.: I predict a lot of 14-year-old girls are going Goth tomorrow.
J.C.: I predict a lot of 14 year old girls are going to start playing upright bass.

D.I.: Which CBS show is Seth Rogen on? After taking a nice swing at Miley Cyrus, Mr. Knocked Up introduces Rihanna, Dr. Dre and Eminem.
J.C.: There’s a whole other Gaga egg hiding under Rihanna’s tulle.
D.I.: That was Aronofsky’s alternate ending to Black Swan. It’ll be on the DVD.

J.C.: Rihanna hoping to challenge Katy Perry for Best Variation From Melody tonight (Taylor Swift not performing/nominated).
D.I.: As long as Em doesn’t stop in mid-performance to tell the story of how Dre found him in a parking lot, I’m cool with this.
D.I.: Who was that? Dolores O’Riordan?
J.C.: #90swoman. Eminem is maybe hoping to perform aggressively enough to not be invited back for like 10 more years.
D.I.: He is still surging with the adrenaline of his Super Bowl victory last week.
J.C.: Dr. Dre’s muscles appear to be constraining his voice.

Via Twitter: @kanyewest: I didn’t know Johnny Depp played guitar

D.I.: Kanye’s mopping the floor with us
J.C.:He can have my job
D.I.: Then he can tell himself he doesn’t do print interviews.

Lucy Nicholson/Reuters Lady Antebellum.

D.I.: And the song of the year is from Lady Antebellum.

Audio of Song of the Year Nominees
‘Beg, Steal or Borrow’ — Ray LaMontagne
‘Forget You’ — Cee-Lo
‘The House That Built Me’ — Miranda Lambert
‘Love the Way You Lie’ — Eminem Feat. Rihanna
‘Need You Now’ — Lady Antebellum

D.I.: John Mayer, Norah Jones and Keith Urban salute Dolly Parton with a cover of “Jolene.”
J.C.: …starring John Mayer as Esteban
D.I.: What is Keith Urban talking about?

J.C.: Katy Perry brought to you by Russell Stover
D.I.: I’m kind of digging this. It’s “Glee” without “Glee.”
J.C.: Nicole Kidman agrees with you. I do not.

D.C.: I saw Nicole Kidman’s facial features move and all I got was this lousy live-blog.

J.C.: How many awards have been given out so far?
D.I.: Between five and Goop. Neil Patrick Harris here to remind us what a host would normally do in these situations. Oh, and introduce Katy Perry.
J.C.: How hard did they try to get Sheen to present this year? Katy Perry’s swing set-up stolen from some Taylor Swift video.
J.C.: Dave, are you taking her More Seriously right now?

D.I.: What, I was deafened by Russell Brand’s SNL monologue. I didn’t hear you.
J.C.: Wait, Julie Taymor directed this? #firstspidermanjoke

D.I.: An animatronic Jamie Foxx introduces Cee-Lo and Gwyneth Paltrow performing “Forget You.”
J.C.: ____ __ __ ______ __ __ ____
D.I.: nice
J.C.: __ __ ________
D.I.: For the record, those are not Muppets – they are “Jim Henson Company Puppets.”

J.C.: __ _ *******
D.I.: Is the audio dropping out, or is Cee-Lo self-censoring?
J.C.: *** ** **********_______ Goop.com _____ **
D.I.: Nice of Gwyneth to let Cee-Lo duet with her on her song.
J.C.: _________!
D.I.: Michael O’Donoghue is re-quitting Saturday Night Live in protest of this.
J.C.: ** *

D.I.: For “Need You Now.”
J.C.: Kings of Leon paired with Miley Cyrus as payback for insulting “Glee”
D.I.: Good to see them follow Lady A with some real country artists. Like Miley Cyrus.
J.C.: She’s the most whiskey-voiced since Waylon! Lady Antebellum >>>>>>> Kings of Leon.

D.I.: I fear for their post-bellum period, though. It’s all downhill, and then the tragedy of Reconstruction.
J.C.: Then they have to play with Dylan.

J.C.: Has “Glee” covered “Black and Yellow” yet?
D.I.: At least it wasn’t Chris Colfer and Ben Roethlisberger.

J.C.: Not for nothing, but this is the most that the third guy in Lady Antebellum has ever sung during a performance I’ve watched.
D.I.: But seriously, if America doesn’t destroy Lea Michele for saying “wimmers” instead of “winners,” then we are a nation of hypocrites.
J.C.: Teddy Pendergrass woulda killed “Need You Now” – real talk.

Lucy Nicholson/Reuters Bob Dylan performed “Maggie’s Farm” at the 53rd annual Grammy Awards in Los Angeles.

J.C.: It’s like The Warriors, with Dylan and his gang coming out to swing on these kids.
D.I.: Eh, when Dylan’s in the industry for 50 more years, they’ll turn on his mic. What exactly is Dylan playing? A shower head?
J.C.: He’s still holding the telephone he answered when he got his first record deal – cute! Dylan is like the 7th most able vocalist on stage right now.
D.I.: His transformation into my grandma Edith is complete.

J.C.: JUDAS!!!!!!!
D.I.: As David Letterman just informed us, here’s Bob Dylan with the Avett Brothers and Mumford & Sons.
J.C.: American rock: are the Avett Brothers the best we have?
D.I.: Trucker caps seen so far: 1
J.C.: I bet nobody played either of these bands for Dylan before he signed on for this.
D.I.: They wrote to him in 1996 and he said yes.
J.C.: Looking forward to all the articles about the Mumford & Sons sales bump this week.
D.I.: They are totally poised to sell another 500 copies. As a curtain pulls back to reveal the Avett Brothers, the beards are starting to get more serious.

J.C.: It’s like they’re playing in a corner.
D.I.: If the trend continues, Bob Dylan will be playing on Catalina Island. His beard will extend to his knees.
J.C.: Best Cello Recording, Non-Classical.

J.C.: Honest question: If Selena Gomez wasn’t allegedly dating Justin Bieber, does she get to present at the Grammys?
D.I.: Bieber won’t even smile at her! What has fame done to him? And the Grammy for best pop vocal album goes to Lady Gaga for “The Fame Monster.”
J.C.: I was hoping for SuBo
D.I.: Lady Gaga unsubtly trying to bring two hams with her on stage.
J.C.: Will Smith looks like he’s waiting to be thanked. Gaga with the Whitney bait-and-switch. Whitney replies: “Gaga who?”

Via Twitter, @kanyewest: Dude from Muse just gave a shout out to “His Beautiful Pregnant Girlfriend” sounds like a good album title!

D.I.: For The Resistance

J.C.: No cutaway shot of Kate Hudson?
D.I.: Awkward no-cutaway.
J.C.: Do you think Tom Petty even realizes the award was already given out?

Lucy Nicholson/Reuters Canadian singer Justin Bieber (L) and Usher perform “Talk Baby.”

J.C.: Is Eva Longoria on CBS now? A dramatic reading of the plot of “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D.”
D.I.: Fascinating to learn how Justin Bieber pulled Usher out of nowhere and launched his career.

J.C.: The Beijing Olympics!
D.I.: Hey, Usher, remember that time we met in a parking lot and then we fought a bunch of ninjas?

J.C.: This stage set-up is actually more impressive than his MSG show.
D.I.: I for one could never make it past this level in Mortal Kombat.
J.C.: Jaden Smith: first artist with ZERO recordings of his own to perform on the Grammys?
D.I.: They seriously couldn’t find a spot for Jackie Chan in this?
J.C.: A more famous singer than either of them!

J.C.: Can we talk for a minute about this Grammy Awards graphic they keep showing? Looks like it already collapsed.
D.I.: I was making more sophisticated stuff on my Amiga computer in high school.
J.C.: In fairness, you won several awards for that work.

D.I.: The Grammy for female country vocal goes to: Miranda Lambert for “The House That Built Me.” It was the dog buried in the backyard that did it.

J.C.: I can only hope the recent Miranda coronation spills over to her fiance, Blake Shelton, my favorite semi-famous country star.

Lucy Nicholson/Reuters Janelle Monae and her pompadour performed at the Grammy Awards.

J.C.: Hey, a host! Seacrest doesn’t lose.
D.I.: Hmm, looking at the silhouettes, I wonder who’s the one in the pompadour?
J.C.: Fooled ya!
D.I.: Janelle Monae and Bruno Mars are going to have a pomp-off immediately following this performance.
J.C.: B.o.B is feeling really left out. Also from the singing.
D.I.: He can only stand on the sidelines and rub his scalp.

J.C.: Janelle Monae counting down to the end of this in her head.
D.I.: It’s not just Time Warner – this part of the broadcast really is in black and white.
J.C.: Das racist, Dave.
D.I.: How is “Grenade” not the new theme song to “Jersey Shore”?
J.C.: With the existence of Bruno Mars and Janelle Monae, the Grammys will never again need a past legend to pay tribute to as a means of appeasing old viewers who feel left out by youth pop. Nice to see they let B.o.B work security for Janelle.
D.I.: Also, not often you see a stage dive by someone wearing a cravat.
J.C.: I guess you weren’t at the French Revolution, dude.
D.I.: God bless Aretha, but why didn’t they open the show with that?

D.I.: And now in memoriam for Guitar Hero, here’s Muse.
J.C.: Honest question: if Matthew Bellamy wasn’t having a child with Kate Hudson, does Muse get to play on the Grammys? So glad to see the sets from U2’s Zoo TV tour still getting use.

D.I.: Pretty sure they got them at the post-“Spider-Man” yard sale at the Edge’s place.
J.C.: Muse is in “American Idiot”?
D.I.: I’m still trying to figure out if the Slipknot guys are, like, protesting them or protesting The Man.
J.C.: Seriously, how many fake Tahrirs tonight?
D.I.: Do you hear the people sing?

D.I.: Jon, I’m deferring to your expertise on this one. You and Blake Shelton are the only ones who know what it’s like to be engaged to Miranda Lambert.
J.C.: In typical Grammy fashion, Miranda is getting nominated for her lesser, later work. I prefer her Guns & Violence period.

D.I.: Much like Bieber, those childhood photos of her in the background are making me extremely sympathetic to her. I’ll just assume the trajectory of her life continued in similar fashion.
J.C.: I prefer people who were born this way…as adults.

D.I.: Lady Gaga emerging from an egg: Is this the first recorded case of a joke being stolen from Robin Williams?

J.C.: My sound just dropped for a sec – yours?
D.I.: Mine seems to be hanging in there. Are you watching in HD?
J.C.: Braggart
D.I.: (cc: @humblebrag) I know everyone says this is a Madonna ripoff, but isn’t it really a copy of “Born to Be Alive”?
J.C.: When you’re a student of fame, are you also by extension a plagiarizer of fame? Surprised she hasn’t tried to tie this into Egypt.
D.I.: I suspect that Gaga told Anderson Cooper she smokes pot when she writes songs so she would have some plausible deniability.

DI:: We’re 20 minutes in, have seen exactly one performance and zero awards have been given out. This bodes well.
J.C.: First nominee: Glee. Though going with the “regionals version” really undermined its chances.
D.I.: Best Pop Performance by a Duo or a Group goes to “Hey Soul Sister” by Train.
J.C.: A thousand sniper rifles on Pat Monahan’s gelled hair right now.
D.I.: If it was Darren Criss’s cover, I could get behind this.

Record of the Year
‘Nothing on You’ — B.o.B. Feat. Bruno Mars
‘Love the Way You Lie’ — Eminem Feat. Rihanna
‘Forget You’ — Cee-Lo
‘Empire State of Mind’ — Jay-Z Feat. Alicia Keys
‘Need You Now’ — Lady Antebellum

D.I.: Via twitter: @HowardStern – Honestly does anyone know these songs? this is going on forever.

Kevin Winter/Getty Images Christina Aguilera.

D.I.: Do you think post-Super Bowl, they moved this up to the top of the show? To give Christina her redemption?
J.C.: Either redemption, or hoping for a repeat flub. It’s notable (predictable?) that the two black singers of the five have their solos last.
D.I.: What really helps is the voice-over person interrupting the song to tell us who’s singing. It’s like a PBS pledge drive set to music.
J.C.: Florence finally found her swagger, but seriously, how mad is Amy Winehouse right now?

D.I.: The subtle promoting of CBS programming begins with LL Cool J.
J.C.: NCIS: Grammys
D.I.: Mike & Molly & Grammys
J.C.: Two and a Half Grammys (The half is for Bieber)
D.I.: Ooh, always dangerous to open a telecast with Christina Aguilera.
J.C.: Oh, Florence. Xtina needs a weave consultant, stat. How can she focus on the teleprompter if she keeps moving her head?
D.I.: That would explain all the mysterious hand gestures.
J.C.: Jennifer Hudson an unhappy second fiddle – her bangs aren’t long enough to hide her rolling eyes.

D.I.: Are you getting excited, Jon? Did you arrive comfortably in front of your laptop via an egg?
J.C.: Hold on a sec – I’m deleting five egg jokes…
D.I.: Something something salmonella.
J.C.: What a scramble this is going to be.
D.I. I’m so ovo it already.
J.C. Speaking of OVO, let’s hope for a big night for Drake, one that doesn’t include a charge of assault against Justin Bieber.

D.I. After segments about the Egyptian revolution and the rescued Chilean miners, “60 Minutes” leads into the Grammys the only way it knows how: with an Anderson Cooper interview of Lady Gaga.
J.C. Is this why Anderson left Egypt early?
D.I. That is such a burn for Morley Safer, who was clearly hoping to get this assignment. Pretty sure Lady Gaga is the second person to appear on “60 Minutes” with sparklers on her chest, after Andy Rooney, of course.
J.C. Come on, man – you know Rooney prefers the Gaultier bustier.

Neil Young’s hot streak stays alive: having gone nearly his entire career without a Grammy Award on his shelf, Mr. Young picked up his second trophy in two years, winning in the best rock song category for “Angry World,” from his album “Le Noise.” Last year, Mr. Young won his first-ever Grammy when his boxed set “Neil Young Archives Vol. I (1963–1972)” won for best boxed or special limited edition package, and the mercurial musician reminded the Recording Academy of this in his brief acceptance speech tonight. “This is my first Grammy for music,” Mr. Young said, “and it’s appreciated greatly. I’m not Mavis but I’m close.” Among the people Mr. Young expressed gratitude to was his wife, Pegi, whom he thanked for “33 1/3 years of marriage.”

Larry Busacca/Getty Images For The Recording Academy Nicki Minaj

D.I.: After apparently fighting her way through the San Diego Zoo with nothing but a pack of Q-Tips, Nicki Minaj arrives intact on the Grammys red carpet.

Danny Moloshok/Reuters Mavis Staples arrives at the awards.

If Mavis Staples took a little longer at the podium than other winners at the pre-telecast ceremony, let her have her moment: Ms. Staples, the 71-year-old gospel singer, celebrated her first-ever Grammy Award for “You Are Not Alone,” which was named best Americana album. After overcoming tears, Ms. Staples thanked Jeff Tweedy, the Wilco front man and producer of “You Are Not Alone,” and paid tribute to her father, Roebuck “Pops” Staples, who led the Staple Singers group that he and his children performed in. (Of her father, Ms. Staples said, “You laid the foundation, but I’m still working on the building.”) Noticing herself on one of the giant monitors at the ceremony, Ms. Staples said, “They kept telling me all day that I looked fabulous but I hadn’t noticed it until I saw it up there.”

D.I.: At this early stage in tonight’s rap battles, the score stands at Jay-Z: 3, Eminem: 1. Eminem, tonight’s most nominated artist, received his first Grammy of the evening for “Not Afraid,” which won in the best rap solo performance category. But “Empire State of Mind,” Jay-Z’s duet with Alicia Keys, won two awards, for best rap/sung collaboration and best rap song, and Jay-Z picked up a third trophy with Swizz Beatz for “On to the Next One,” which was named best rap performance by a duo or group.

Matt Sayles/Associated Press Tia Carrere accepts the award for Hawaiian music album during the pre-telecast.

Tia Carrere has won the best Hawaiian music album for Huana Ke Aloha. Nate Chinen explained the controversies behind the Hawaiian music category in a recent article.

D.I.: A bit of good news for Riccardo Muti, the conductor and music director of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra: Mr. Muti was one of the winners of the best classical music and best choral performance awards, for the orchestra’s recording of “Verdi: Requiem.” On Monday, Mr. Muti underwent facial surgery after he fainted at his podium during a rehearsal last week. It was announced on Friday that Mr. Muti fainted due to “a common heart rhythm disturbance,” and has since had a pacemaker installed. He has been recovering at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.

D.I.:  A wealth of awards has already been given out at the Grammys pre-telecast ceremony (or as the not-at-all reverent presenter Kathy Griffin dubbed it, “the Shmammys”). Lady Gaga won the first award of the day when “Bad Romance” was named best short form music video; the cast recording from Broadway’s “American Idiot” won best musical show album; “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” nabbed best spoken word album (with a big assist from Sigourney Weaver) for “Earth (The Audiobook)”; and Tia Carrere continued her relentless march towards EGOT status with a win for best Hawaiian music album (for “Huana Ke Aloha”). Among some early upsets, Michael Bublé won the best traditional pop vocal Grammy for his album “Crazy Love,” prevailing over Barbra Streisand, who was nominated for “Love Is the Answer”; and “Crazy Heart” won the best compilation soundtrack award, defeating those relentlessly upbeat high-schoolers from “Glee” (but surely making Sue Sylvester happy).

Who’ll take home top honors at  tonight’s 53rd annual Grammy Awards? If you’ve already forgotten who’s  nominated, you are entirely forgiven: the world has spun more than a few times  since the Recording Academy announced its roster of contenders way back in December. (December!) Since then the Academy has focused on  front-loading the awards program (which will be held at the Staples Center in  Los Angeles and broadcast on CBS at 8 p.m. Eastern time) with a must-see,  must-live-Tweet lineup of musicians young and old, new and vintage: Mick  Jagger and Barbra Streisand are both scheduled to perform (separately, alas),  as is Bob Dylan, who’ll be saluting acoustic music with Mumford & Sons and  Avett Brothers. Christina Aguilera will hopefully get the lyrics right when  she, Jennifer Hudson, Yolanda Adams and Florence Welch pay tribute to Aretha  Franklin. And no music telecast is legally allowed to proceed without an  appearance by Justin Bieber, who’ll be flopping his hair alongside his mentor,  Usher, and towering above 12-year-old Jaden Smith in a performance of their  own.

Wait, don’t they give out trophies at this thing, too? Indeed they  do: last week’s unofficial Super Bowl M.V.P., Eminem, is up for 10 awards for his  comeback-from-the-comeback album, “Recovery”; he’ll be vying for the album of  the year prize against country superstars Lady Antebellum (for “Need You  Now”), the pop siren Katy Perry (for “Teenage Dream”), the moody Canadians of  Arcade Fire (for “The Suburbs”), and Madonna wanna-be Lady Gaga (for “The Fame  Monster”). Jay-Z and Bruno Mars are also up for multiple prizes, and the  “Glee” cast could take home two awards for soundtrack album and pop  performance by a duo or group with vocals. And of course, all eyes will be on  the best new artist category, in which Mr. Bieber and Drake will battle  each other to the death (we imagine).

Join Dave Itzkoff, a culture  reporter for The New York Times, and Jon Caramanica, a critic for The Times,  here for up-to-the-moment coverage of tonight’s  festivities.