Find your zen, and then lean on that and loved ones

All the careful planning that goes into one big day — from choosing the best location, the tastiest food, the perfect clothing, beautiful flowers, the right music — the list goes on and on. How do you keep your cool? How do you stay calm? Where can you find your zen?

The word zen actually refers to a sect or school of Buddhism, and its history and meaning is quite complicated. But when used in pop culture we generally mean a state of mind that is at peace, with a focus on the unity of mind and body. Zen involves dropping illusions and seeing things without distortion created by your own thoughts. Meditation might be involved, but not always.

Zen is a good state to aspire to when all the wedding stress kicks in and you just can’t stop thinking about all those details. You may want to develop your own personal "mantra," which is a phrase you can say over and over to yourself, like a prayer of sorts, that helps one focus. Wedding planning isn’t going anywhere, so when you can’t stop the wheels from spinning, you know it's time to take a break and find your zen.

Remember what is meaningful: Your marriage. Planning a wedding is planning for one day of your life, but you are really planning for a lifetime together. So why not sit down and imagine that future? Of course you’ve talked about it all before, but what better time than before the nuptials? Instead of talking about cake, talk about your lives. Write letters to each other to save for the future. Get out some family photo albums and review them together. Gather up some family history and ask  your parents or grandparents about their weddings.

One obvious piece of pop culture advice also holds true: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Be the gracious person you aspire to be. You’ve chosen your vendors, now let them do their thing. If they’re good, you don’t need to micro-manage.

Try some exercise or do something outdoors the morning of your wedding. Take a walk. Look at the sky. Take some deep breaths. Get a massage. You get the idea. Eat breakfast. Don’t drink alcohol until the reception, and even then, do so in moderation.

Being nervous and being stressed are two different things. It’s normal to be nervous, and when you feel those nerves remind yourself that you are feeling excited because it is important, and that’s a good thing.

If you feel like having a good cry, that’s OK too. And lean on your loved ones because a wedding is indeed a huge milestone in life and a time when we need our closest family and friends. And a wedding is something we are never truly prepared for. After all, it is a unique and very special day. So remember, there’s nothing wrong with you, this is just one of those moments in life. It will all be over before you know it, so try to enjoy it and be "in" the moment. Find your "mantra" and, you know, the zen of the wedding.

Lois Heckman is a certified Life-Cycle Celebrant® officiating weddings, funerals, memorials and other milestones in the Pocono Mountains. She can be reached through her website: LoisHeckman.com and follow her on Pinterest at celebrantlois and google+