Arts & Entertainment
Two Women Arrested for Meth Lab in Church Kitchen
A satirical look at current events!
Two Women Arrested for Meth Lab in Church Kitchen: Two Illinois women have been arrested for allegedly manufacturing methamphetamine inside the kitchen of a rural church. Holy smoke, sounds like they must have been Crystal Methodists. Religious scholars say that’s what can happen when you substitute the King James bible for the Rick James bible. In their defense, how else is the congregation supposed to stay awake during those long sermons?
Controlling Computer With Brain Waves: Scientists say they are developing ways of controlling computers and robots with your thoughts instead of a mouse or a joystick. The bad news is that this will most likely result in 50% of America’s computers automatically being directed toward porn sites.
AT&T Suing Cox Communications: AT&T is suing Cox Communications for infringing eight patents dealing with network quality after the regional cable provider ignored its complaints about the issue and made “billions” off of the technology. In the lawsuit, AT&T describes the Cox management a bunch of dicks.
Find out what's happening in Malibuwith free, real-time updates from Patch.
Aging Motorcycle Ridership Worries Industry: New statistics show that the average age of motorcycle riders has increased to age 45 in 2012, worrying manufacturers and sellers that their customers may soon become too old to ride. I understand their concern. I’m pretty sure Harley’s aren’t covered by Medicare. In response, Harley-Davidson announced they plan to introduce modifications to their traditional sidecar to include a portable defibrillator, Geritol dispenser and optional private-duty nurse.
Find out what's happening in Malibuwith free, real-time updates from Patch.
Texas Family Finds Nearly Complete Mammoth Skeleton: Scientists say a 20,000- to 40,000-year-old mammoth discovered by a North Texas family on their farm is believed to be a female because of the length of the tusks and its wide pelvic bones. Wide pelvic bones? Hell, it sounds more like they’ve dug up a Kardashian than a mammoth.
Michigan Man to Have 100-Pound Scrotum Mass Removed: A Michigan man whose swollen scrotum had grown to a weight of nearly 100 pounds over the last ten years, says he has finally raised enough funds to have the operation. Wow, a 100-pound scrotum? That’s just nuts!
Austin-Based Brewery Launches 99-Pack of Beer: Beer packaging has just gotten a lot bigger in Texas, where a small brewery is launching a 7-foot-long, 99-pack of its “Peacemaker” ale. And, to address critics concerns, ever 99-pack comes with a local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting guide.
Brother and Sister Arrested Having Sex in Church Parking Lot: A brother and sister have been arrested in Effingham County, Georgia for aggravated sodomy after having sex in a semi truck parked in a church parking lot across the street from a high school. Makes you wonder just what the the effing hell is going on in Effingham County? I guess we can only hope that he wasn’t screaming out “who’s your daddy?”
